florette style

2010-01-01T02:30:00.000+08:00

big bang- Babo (fool)

Happy 2010 anyway. (:

2009-12-30T00:59:00.003+08:00

because lj died on me, im posting here.

Foolish Love - Big Bang

[SR] (yea, yea) i think (of you) again like a bad habit
i get tired of this hard life so I countlessly
laugh when i think of you, cry when i miss you
i got tired (of it) and fell asleep

[TY] your love makes you feel difficult, so you turn around like a rough wind
my lack of understanding, uncertain future, i couldn’t take it anymore

[DS] i wanted to wipe the tears around (your) wetted eyes
but the image reflected in your eyes
isn’t me, it’s someone else baby

Chorus:
[TY] don’t lie baby, tell me ‘this isn’t it’
your head looks down and you can’t say anything; why are you making me miserable
[DS/SR] why do you feel sorry for me? stop now, leave after making me hate you foolish love left with wounds; bye bye
[SR] everything’s gonna be alright, right

[TOP] (uh) love came and left again like a migratory bird
“my heart hurts more,” i tell you endlessly but you were stubborn everyday
[GD] (just like) smoking a hit (you can) forget about (us) already as if it’s easy
“meet another woman and live well,” huh?
(T/N: he means she can throw away their relationship and wish him well like it’s easy)

[TOP] friend, what did i tell you, i’m not sure about her
[SR] (once a glass cup is broken, it’s hard to put it back together)
yo a game with an expected ending, nothin’ never ever change
i felt more anxious while i was watching from the sidelines

[GD] look, she will fall asleep while nestling in another guy’s arms
she will come looking for you a year or 2 later (let him go girl)
(T/N: this verse gets confusing b/c TOP & GD are having a dialogue with e/o)

Repeat Chorus

[DS] i hoped that you would hold me a bit more, but it’s useless now
[TY] my stupid shadow is now left alone and wandering around on this dimmed street
i think i am still waiting for you

[TOP] i feel pity, you aren’t that bad;
[GD] i feel pity, why do you end up with those kind of girls
[TOP] i feel pity, what she gave you is a nightmare;
[GD] i feel pity, for you, not your girl

Repeat Chorus

[SR] everything’s gonna be alright, right, yea yea… foolish person.

there's just some stuff where no one can help you with.
some stuff where you have to deal with alone.

it's a burden which you & only you must carry. no one else.
no one else because it's regarding you, because it concerns only you and yourself.

now i get how peter feels really.

somehow, no matter how hard i try, i seem to be going nowhere.
& i keep asking myself, how much longer?

2009-12-19T00:21:00.006+08:00

finally sat down to listen to concert recordings properly today. surprisingly enough i could hear myself play in john williams but not as loud in jap graff. -.- but ahh listening to jap graff just helped to relieve all the concert memories! :D haha can hear the crowd cheering for all the solos and sections haha. :D omg i loveeee jap graff. :D

and oh now that i re-listen to xinyao, i can hear myself pretty loud in the beginning. o.O AMAZINGGG. i think our audi acoustics suck lah. but the euphos and horns sound really loud. o.O like in xinyao and jap graff.

flight and orient both sound so-so to me. :/ okay flight sounds nicer cause the bass sounds louder. orient has the whole balance off. D: sad. i think mainly cause both jiajie and i were tired out and dead by orient. but the sound effects for the train by the woodwinds still sound as cool as ever. :D and the whole middle part which was supposed to be dark and dangerous didnt sound as bad as i thought it would be on concert day, so yup, cool.

omg i just saw the passing down role-play video of nycb on facebook. and OMGGG OUR JUNIORS ARH. darn dorky and lame omggggg. -.- and surprisinglyyy, all the lameness come from tabitha and yiyingg OMG. ZZZZZ. please dont tell me our juniors got it from us. but haha the video's pretty hilarious LOL. yiying and her whining in the band uniform scene HAHA darn funny. zzz both yiying and tabby remind me of someoneeee. :D HAHA. and urgh speaking of band uni, i miss our nanyang band uniformmm. DD:

"reality is just an illusion,

albeit a very persistent one."

-albert einstein.

yesterday was spent at the science center with family. it was good time spent, although i was tired, and wishing for something else ><, i had fun with family. the cold war at home hasnt ended so some time outside the house was good i guess, even though it's still with the family. plus it was at the science center, (technically my second home since primary school LOL), the place i loved, so yup. (:

today. yet another day at home. (missing out on some really badass action. D:) but still.

urgh. i need to learn take one thing at a time, solve one at a time.

though it's overloading, i should learn to cope.

---

i guess i'll always be neither here nor there.

im always stuck in between both worlds.

2009-12-16T01:05:00.002+08:00

yesterday after training our team went to sakae buffet at LOT 1 with some of the seniors.

haha it was really fun, and omg the girls who all ate together had alot of fun haha. and the food was good. we ate alot alot alot. i really dont think i've ever ate so much for lunch before. (omg fat. ><) but yes we laughed alot. mainly at the wasabi buffet thingy and the camera on the conveyor belt, and tricking the guys and tickling each other and zhong ji mi ma to choose who would finish up the food LOL. darn hilarious, especially the pac man part, and xinmei tricking the guys into wanting the bowl of mochi wrappers by saying there's still more mochi inside LOL HAHA. and tickling tess and evelyn LOL. and iris's funny expressions and wanting to try everything omggg darn funny hahaha.

plus the guys at the next table were trying to aim to eat 100 plates, which i think they did managed to in the end. the first thing they ordered were 7 of the steam eggs thing. and they were at they're 63th plate when we were still at our 27th. and that was just in the first hour. zzz omgg they sure eat alot lahhh.

after lunch/dinner (since the buffet was from 3-6 LOL) some of us went up to the arcade to play. it was fun watching ian, jiaming and shengjie brudder play haha. and omg IAN IS DARN ZAI WTH. i bet he everyday secretly go arcade and play lah wts. -.- and so smart some more WTH WTH. but yea it was super hilarious cause you see shengjie and jiaming struggling to survive but ian just laxing-ly playing the games omg hahaha. so basically ian owned at every game except at the racing games haha.

and zzzzz yesterday brudder was on high lah. whole day niao ian then niao me somemore. PLUS e-hui sista joined in. win. both of them come own me lah thanks. just imitate peter (ROARRR PETERRR. T.T) then win liao. sian. -.-

but on a brighter note, peter should be back tmr! :D i'll have my entertainment! :DDD

2009-12-14T00:28:00.003+08:00

went out on thursday with e-hui, jasmine and ian. nelson and sheng brudder were supposed to join us, but then brudder couldnt get out of his house, and nelson had some stuff at home, so both of them didnt come. D:

the original plan, (or what e-hui had told me) was for the original 6 of us to go bugis and shop together. :D

what really happened?

ian and i met up with jasmine and e-hui at bugis, then e-hui, jasmine and the surprise guest, david surprised me with the belated birthday cake haha. :D oh man but thankyou thankyou thankyou! :D to everyone who took part in the "conspiracy" and planned everything since like a long time ago but only happened now cause our outing kept being postponed. thanks to all the teammates and seniors who helped wrote in the card! :D so prettyyy! :DDD and haha yes thanks for the present omg daeeee! :DD

it was a really pleasant surprise since i really didnt expect or suspect anything to happen. even when everything was supposedly happening right under my nose omg. from the way jasmine and e-hui puts it, i've been really blur and blind for the past few days, or even weeks. D: and e-hui's scary, she knows like my whole world now. even being able to get david to come along and surprise me, and she said she even asked ky/peter/kexin beforehand. like O.O scaryyy! but still thankyou thankyou for those who planned it or took part in it, and especially david who came out from church camp just for this lol.

but yes it was a wonderful day! (day 4 of happy days during the holiday) with all of us getting lunch at mos burger first before cutting cake. :D then ian went off to arcade and kexin called jasmine to wish me happy birthday (oh yea and i dreamt of her!) LOL. that woman woke up at 1. when we were supposed to meet up 1, so she gave up coming to surprise me. then david went back to his church camp while jasmine, e-hui and i went off to shop! :D

went to iluma first, see see look look, then went off to far east to shop. saw loads of pretty shoes and clothes. and omggg the caps at 77th street! D: but they were like 40 bucksss D: (i wanttt! D:) and then the hoodie dress! :D omg so pretty but it was like 80 bucks -.- sian i have expensive taste. D:

shopped abit until 5/6? before jasmine and i went home, and e-hui continued shopping at far east with charis haha. :D

yayyy loves!

(e-hui! pictures! :DDDD)

2009-12-04T22:42:00.002+08:00

today is day 3 of my happy day count during this holiday! :D (concert day was first, yesterday was second)

im happy happyyy! :D

because training today was really fun. circle drill and standard throws. it rained abit during training, like showers on and off. and then it began to pour during our debrief and the field became a swimming pool! then the guys decided to go back down to the field and do layouts LOL. then the girls followed. it was quite fun watching everyone trying to layout in the mud in the rain and water splashing and spraying all over. the girls then did their own circle drill and they just took turn laying out in the puddles of water haha omggg. and tess and iris were crazyyy they both meng chiong lay outs lahh. we just took off our cleats and ran barefooted in the field, splashing muddy water at each other, laying out, rolling around in the mud like kids, and the guys started to taupok each other by carrying each other and then throwing them into the puddles omgg hahahaha.

after relieving our inner child, we then decided to play game in the the rain, and the rule was set that you had to layout/slide to score with the disc in the end zone LOL. so then we started the game with the whites vs darks, and everyone was running barefooted with water splashing everywhere whoo! then you could see everyone chionging and like sliding, laying out, and falling just to get the disc LOL. the most epic one was probably from ian who caught the disc in the end zone and fake a fall to score LOL. and daryl and marcus (or was it nelson? ><) who both laid out for a disc in the end zone but missed it together. then there was sheng and oli and melvin and i think splashing tess with muddy water by sliding together into the puddles of water omggg. hahaha darn fun! :D

after we had enough fun in the "swimming pools" LOL, we went to wash up and bathe then went over to thai noodle house to eat. met up with e-hui! :D then after lunch the guys wanted to go play pool so then we went off to play at irc :D

played pool with melvin, yongquan, jiajie, oli, jiaming, sheng, nelson, weijie. the j2s were at the other table. omg yongquan is darn zai at pool wth he kept zhamming the balls LOL. then oli, jiajie and melvin always tyco get the balls in, on top of their already pro-ness LOL. sheng was totally off today. the guys kept niaoing him ><

oh then thanks jonny for providing us with all the food omgggg. that crazy guy bought some chips and sweets cause he was hungry, then we all koped it. then he went back to buy more. he practically bought the whole ntuc lah. he bought like 3 tubes of pringles, yupi sweets, hi-chew, one box of oreo omggg. then us frisbee people just like picnic-ed at the place. ><

after playing pool for quite some time, we went back to have dinner hahah :D because hansheng messaged me to ask to treat me to dinner for my birthday, i went back home and then met up with him. :D lol poor guy has training everyday ><

nice guy treated me to hong kong cafe, which i must say was pretty good. haha thankss alot! :D talked quite abit about band and stuffs, and our trainings LOL. oh and his mango ice cream thingy was huge LOL haha but it was really awesomeeeeeeee! :DDDD

okay tired ><

2009-12-03T23:29:00.001+08:00

David - three-way booking. ( need help to start IS! ahhh.) says:
......................
loll.
lucky daesung is like me
not me like him!
siew says:
you're like him!
how can you compare a star to be like you
tsk
† Petar! says:
ouch
siew says:
and he's so much cuter lahhh
David - three-way booking. ( need help to start IS! ahhh.) says:
LOL
100!
HAAHAHAH
100 is super low rite
siew says:
LOL hahah a
yea
i think ><
† Petar! says:
yeah
below average
siew says:
eh chunhee's darn smart leh
David - three-way booking. ( need help to start IS! ahhh.) says:
hahahaha
its super funny!
ollol
siew says:
LOL
eh oh you didnt watch the gd one
omggg that one's darn hilarious
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rkc0sjeCwog&feature=related
remember
† Petar! says:
orh orh
ya ya ya
WOOO~
siew says:
and the daesung WOOOOOOOO~~~~~~````
HAHAHAH
† Petar! says:
HAHA.
WOOOOOOO~
YAM THIS IS YOUR HIGHLIGHT EPISODE!
siew says:
AND DAESUNG'S SMILE OMGGGG. <3
David - three-way booking. ( need help to start IS! ahhh.) says:
daesung lol
† Petar! says:
haha
siew says:
DARN CUTE LAH
David - three-way booking. ( need help to start IS! ahhh.) says:
ahahaha
† Petar! says:
hahahaha
David - three-way booking. ( need help to start IS! ahhh.) says:
HAHAHA
oops i didn't even touch it
siew says:
o.O
† Petar! says:
lol.
David - three-way booking. ( need help to start IS! ahhh.) says:
hahaha
† Petar! says:
david(daesung)'s famous woo
David - three-way booking. ( need help to start IS! ahhh.) says:
got some guy screw up 3 times
lol
daesung~ daesung~ i'm coming to join you!
lol
siew says:
LOL HAHAH
† Petar! says:
HAHA
David - three-way booking. ( need help to start IS! ahhh.) says:
lol.
4:21
hahahah
LOL
siew says:
O.O
HAHA omg peter he's sounding like you when you first watched it hahaha
David - three-way booking. ( need help to start IS! ahhh.) says:
HAHA

yay i love this bunch of people. :D

2009-12-03T22:40:00.004+08:00

today was surprisingly good. i think it's cause of the company haha. jasmine & david! :D
i didnt think i would survive one whole day looking after 13 kids, when i didnt really like handling too many kids in the first place, so wow i actually survived today! :D

spent the morning doing experiments with the kids first, then the second half of the day having lunch at science center and then running around science center with the kids. was kinda tiring, especially when you have 13 kids running all over the place in all 4 directions when you have to get them all to assemble everytime, and you have them fighting and running around, climbing all sorts of places, and you have to run all over the place trying to look for lost sheep or not lose any sheep LOL.

so the second half of the day was really tiring. running around breaking fights and so on, but some of the kids were really cute and very sweet, like they'd hold your hand, pull your finger and drag you around to show you stuffs hahah cuteeeeeeee! :D

anyway, some stuffs happened which kinda made me cheer up. im really thankful to both jasmine and david for today, and of course my group's facils too for helping with the kids. heh. tiring but worth it. it's really rewarding to see the kids have fun and laughing haha. :D

oh then david and i were looking after algar, who refused to join the others D: so yea thanks to david i didnt lose my patience with him, or else, i'd really go mad. D: and at that precise moment, PETER CALLED omgg hahaha darn hilarious. :D then WL david bullied me today lah sian. thanks arh.

played around with the kids a little, cam whored alot LOL, the kids all had cameras, then debriefed. then after that the organizers settled some admin stuff with us before we went off haha. walked to the mrt station with jasmine and david! stupid david kept bullying me totally ._. STEP ON MY FOOT! roarr you evil person.

went home, tired out. sleep.
training tmr.

oh and thanks sheng, david and peter (i think) for shouting my name during concert arh. thanks. -.-

2009-11-29T02:18:00.003+08:00

HCImpressione I.

errrrrr okayyyyy.

concert was great. :D okay i screwed up orient abit, i couldnt keep my nerves. ._. broke down at O of jap graff cause my fingers pluck until die already, and plucking for john williams was almost impossible cause i realised my index finger was bleeding after jap graff, so my middle finger was used to pluck for john williams instead. ><

but overall, it was fun day! :D thanks ziyan for accompanying me to coro to buy lunch, then runthrough, then OH YES, quin, val, sweechen and i played bridge during our break at like 5-7. LOL. then quin and sweechen kept calling each other for partners OMG DARN FUNNY. playing with the 2 of them is darn hilarious lahhh. both of them will quarrel with each other darn loudly hahaha darn funny omggg. then val and i kept winning the both of them HAHAHA. then sweechen kept telling quin to put her trust in her BUT FAILL. :D WE STILL WIN HAHHA.

went to change for concert then exchanged gifts. omg thanks all those who gave me presentss thankyou thankyou! :D

thanks peter, david, sheng, dingjie and ky for the flowers! :D thanks jiawen for the flower, thanks J2s for the leek HAHA. thanks jiachen for the bananas LOL. i get the weirdest gifts from the seniors LOL hahaha. thankyou jasmine for the pencil flower!!! you made one isit? darn prettyyy lah! :D

thanks mianjun and michelle for the CD omggg. thanks juniors for comingg, cheryl, rie, clarice oh mannn i miss you guys. :D

after concert, david, peter, ky, brudder and i went to serenes for supper :D haha omg peter and david were totally bitching about some guy they coincidentally knew. hahaha. tsk man. but as they say, the enemy of my enemy is my friend! :D then they were introducing their enemy to ky LOL darn funny.

david left earlier cause he couldnt miss his last bus, then sheng, peter, ky and i sat at macs to talk. oh man it's been long since i last saw/talked to ky. :D missed both peter and ky alot alot alot, so it was really good to see the both of them together again. peter and his musings with me, and ky with his lame/randomness haha. oh mannn loves. :D

so thanks alot to the guys who totally made my day. it was really good to see all of you again, to sit and talk and laugh. :D

talked from like 10 till 11.30? haha. peter kept making me laugh and both sheng and ky kept laughing at me laughing at peter. -.- oh and the niaoing never stops urgh. hahaha. some change target. AND OMG ky's bleeding love niaoing was darn epic omgggggg. wthhh.

leave it to the pro hp guy to play with words/sounds to come and niao you.

anyway went home after that with brudder. (:

this chapter of band has come to an end.

eh next up, zoo outing/family outing! :D or sheng & david can join all of us haha! :D

2009-11-27T18:32:00.002+08:00

thanks for all the birthday wishes.
thanks yeo kexin for the birthday present lol.

it's been a quiet birthday.

2009-11-21T02:29:00.002+08:00

† Petar! says:
i got all the songs alr
lol
i becoming bigbang fan LOL
wedding dress.

LOL WIN.
im so influential LOL.

2009-11-20T23:50:00.005+08:00

im really grateful to shengjie brudder for yesterday. :D

went to ny band in the morning yesterday to visit juniors and pass concert tickets. oh man the feeling of nostalgia stepping back into the nanyang band room. small and cosy. :D it's great to see my beloved juniors again, mianjun & michelle. mianjun and i went crazy as usual HAHA omg very long never zi-high in band liao. D: life in hcband is lonelyyyyyy. DD:

met up with sheng after that at coro to makan. but my slippers broke while i was walking from nanyang to coro. ._. in the end i took like 20+ mins to walk from nanyang to coro. -.- i messaged sheng to tell him to take his time cause my slippers broke and my wonderful brudder managed to bring his slippers for me to wear. :D yayyyyyyy thankssss. :D

after we makaned, we wanted to walk back to school but it started to rain like crazy. then i was like D: cause there was lightning! DD: scaryyy. and it was really really bad cause the thunder was seriously deafening. but sheng was like nvm lah we just carry umbrella run back to school, which was exactly what we did LOL. both of us wading back to school in the already ankle deep flood. really scary and horrible, cause he was wearing shoes and i was wearing his slippers and we were darn amused with the flood. O.O LOL. had fun dodging the water splashes from the cars and the muddy waters in the floods omg darn epic haha.

anyway the both of us reached school drenched. all the J2s were like staring at us omg. totally looked like we went swimming in the rain. poor shengjie's shoes became "sampans" as he puts it and his whole bag was totally wet, meaning all his belongings were wet too. >< both of us tried to escape the rain and the noise (from the deafening thunder) by going to reading room to mug cause class benches were flooded LOL.

went to dry ourselves first, as advised by e-hui, sijie and zeilia, cause the reading room was freezing cold and we were still drenched from the rain. then brudder and i started mugging math. the j2s went off for their physics paper. haha.

had fun mugging with brudder. both of us just kept laughing our heads of at each other's silliness or we just kept niaoing each other haha. :D oh nice brudder helped me buy foolscap cause both our foolscap were drenched from the rain omggg hahah darn hilarious. his whole stack of once new foolscap became rough paper HAHAHHAHA. lol. then cause his bag was wet he had to empty everything out from his bag to dry them oh mannn. both of us spent like half an hour laying out our stuffs to dry, like his shoes, socks, umbrellas, notes and everything LOL. the scene was DARN FUNNY, especially his monkey softtoy OMGG. HAHAHA. drying the softtoy HAHA. and oh his itouch spoilt. ><

ate marshmallows and his chips hahah. then the j2s came back from their physics paper and they were all talking about the knee-deep flood outside LOL. luckily brudder and i managed to make it back to school before that. so we mugged till 6.30 then headed for home. :D haha. fun day. :D

& yes, thanks brudder for everythingggg. :D

---

today's band was D: why he scold again.

i love jap graff. but ROARR that piece (+ xinyao) killed my fingers todayyy. D: pluck too much urgh. die die concert howww. D:

orient's still pretty bad to me D: gg. need to prac the bass solo parts. D:

was pretty tired in band. and oh man i think i was pretty obvious cause leng came to ask if i slept very late the night before after band >< urghh.

others before self.

went for training after sectionals, practicing the orient solo parts. training was muddy. & urgh im still not doing well on the field sian. D: im not faking enough, not getting free enough, and not having enough chemistry. sian. fake more. mark tighter. run faster.

dinner after that was quite hilarious, the girls discussing some stuffs at the dinner table with sheng and oli present, but we didnt want them to know what we were talking about so we were like putting sentences with hidden meanings LOL. darn hilarious. and i totally malu-ed myself by going crazy in front of everyone because what e-hui said in the end wthhhh omg i cant believe i did that. -.-

anyway thanks brudder and sista for dinner. i really need to job now. D:
& thanks sista for the black shirt! :D

been going back to school for the whole of this week. :D the company makes it worthwhile i guess. :D yay i have wonderful teammates hahaha. <333

band tmr, then trio outing in school (lol?!) after that. hope all goes well. ><

2009-11-19T01:13:00.002+08:00

i wanna play this! D:

oh and anyway, since i couldnt paste it on LJ

† Petar! says:
HAHA.
daesung darn cute.
when he just woke up
† Petar! says:
HAHA OMG DAMN CUTE.
HIS WOO
siew says:
O.O
OMG PETER KOHHH.
† Petar! says:
haha what!
siew says:
HAHAH DARN CUTE RIGHTTTT
† Petar! says:
LOL.
WOOOOO
siew says:
OMG WHEN DAE WOKE UP
-smile-
SO CUTEEE
† Petar! says:
HAHA.
cute hor.
haha i keep replaying the woo part
darn funny

' ♠ Sheng Jie ღ §J Jâx™ says:
lol you two ke siao liao

HAHAHAHAH EVIDENCES OF PETER KOH GETTING HIGH ON DAESUNG OMG HAHAHAHAHAHA.

2009-11-17T22:37:00.004+08:00

today's training was D: very off? idk.
weather was pretty hot. nice grass, but means we were getting more tired easily.

circuit training was. D: tiring. maybe because we did it after matches. ><
oh yes, & daryl did another "almost layout", which helped us score. haha lol. :D but yongquan finally did a layout, i think, haha. while trying to do one with melvin lol!

was supposed to go for og outing after training, but because we were already late, and jiaming couldnt go, and there were only 5 people, and because i was darn tired from circuits i decided to not go :/ fail again. but then jasmine and i didnt manage to have dinner together again. D: oh man we must go have dinner together some day. we should go for the bugis pickups together one day! :DDD go there play with outside people then have dinner together :DD hahaa.

dinner was supposed to be with those eating dinner together, but then cause jiaming couldnt go, so the east people decided to go J8 to eat ._. which left yongquan, shengjie, oli brudders, and jonny and i to eat at kap -.- but it was fun though. all of us talking about super hilarious stuff. what can you expect eating with 3 super lame people? (oli, jonny, yongquan) hahaha. :D

oh and thanks oli for giving me his apple pie HAHA. :DDD and thanks sheng for helping me get it LOL. :D i sound like some super lazy person ordering people around and koping food.

went home with sheng and yongquan again. :D thanks to the both of them taking 67 home with me, and kinda making me feel better. :D

2009-11-16T01:50:00.003+08:00

it's late, but tonight's a good night. :D

talked to alot of people online tonight, trying to plan for og outing with david, then asked oli about winter league and stuff. peter totally made my day by showing me this.

big bang- haru haru (acoustic)

omg LOVEEE. it's darn niceeeeeeeee <3333
& peter likes big bang now YAYYYY HAHAHA. :DDDD

oh and then i heard automatic by tokio hotel playing on the radio! :DDDD happy happy. :DDD

anyway, family outing's a darn entertaining & hilarious show to watch omg :DDD darn funny. :DDDD

2009-11-15T00:54:00.004+08:00

To do:
math maclaurin's series tutorial
math revision booklet (binomial, graphs, inequalities, calculus, vectors, SAS)
bio revision paper
GP bulletin
issues & ideas

yesterday's training was fun. though i'm like aching from yesterday's circuit for pt, but mannnn. the feeling is darn shuang haha, havent felt this good since i havent been able to train for quite long. :D

"muscle ache is good what! it means your muscles are growing! :DD" -david

hahaha, that's a nice thought LOL. yay okay this holiday must exercise more. :D

anyway, playing in the rain was rather fun. though the disc kept slipping out of our hands cause it was wet, and it made running on field must tougher cause it was really darn cold. daryl did a layout (whoo!) and nearly caught the disc oh mann. but it was really nice hahah.

by the way, loads of thanks to tess who lent me her boots, and then she played barefooted oh man ><, weijie for his shirt cause i dirtied mine, e-hui for helping me bring back my shirt, and nelson and jasmine for offering to lend me their shirts too. :D yayy i have such wonderful teammates. :D

dinner was hilarious. the whole group of us were having fun randoming around at serene center eating macs in this ulu corner haha. then us girls (e-hui, danette and i) were discussing some darn retarded questions about guys HAHA. darn hilariousss. oh, oh AND DANETTTE YES YOU HAVE GOOD TASTE MUAHAHAHA. :DDDD hahahaha.

oh the funny part was all the guys niaoing danette about her being dark and small with french fries (wth?) LOL. then melvin forgot to order takeaway so he had to bring his tray up to the second floor, then bring it back down to macs again. lol.

went home with sheng brudder, thanks for being my listening ear. :D though you might have your own problems, idk hmmm.

anyway, quote of the week!

nelson: "serangoon is named after a drain!"
me: "huh really?!"
nelson: "yea! shi longkang! :D"

LOL epic. hahaha.

2009-11-12T20:14:00.004+08:00

HELLO HELLO HELLO.

OP is now
GONE WITH THE WIND HAHAHA.

yay yayy. though i kinda screwed the Q and A, but rahhh i dont want to be bothered by it anymoreeeee.

after op, went to makan with szemin first, then found e-hui and nelson's and jiawen's group rehearsing op hahaha. e-hui and i watched their rehearsalssss and talked abit about some stuffs. hmm.

crashed six-oh outing at vivo after that today. unfortunately all the frisbee people werent there, and nelson had op, which left me feeling quite off and weird around them. thankfully the people were all really nice, and there's always people like chris and zhenghao to help lighten things up haha.

watched 2012, which left both joanne and i quite "traumatized" lol. Joanne didn't cry in my sister's keeper, but she cried in this?! hahah weirddd. but some parts were really moving and thought-provoking. (though now when i rethink the whole movie, there's alot alot of loopholes. D: ) others parts just left joanne and i clutching each other, screaming "omg omg omg noooooooooo!" silently. haha.

but it was good. a rather good one, as chris puts it, in compared to the other movies six-oh has been to so far.

went home with josh after the 3 hour show omg hahah. darn long but it felt like 2 hours. it was a good 3 hours hahaha.

thanks nelson for your messages lol which kept me company. (: and cheered me up. lol. serangoon wl. ._. thanksss. :D

2009-11-11T22:39:00.003+08:00

No, I didn't watch 500 days of summer but apparently Tom told Summer to promise him that she won't wake up some day and find out that he stopped meaning anything to her. And Summer said nobody can promise something like that.

everything else has stayed the same,
it's the people whom have changed.

2009-11-09T22:36:00.002+08:00

"when you're with john,
when you were looking into his eyes,
was he for real?"

-from fringe

like what kexin said so many times,
eyes don't lie.

once again, do yours?

2009-11-08T23:24:00.002+08:00

big bang with gara gara go and top of the world (jap album)
<3 dae. haha.

-----

why dont i get you. urgh.

this rah rah mood as prolonged for 5 days already. i'm getting sick & tired.

i hope tmr will be a better day. i miss school already. + trainings. D:

2009-11-08T02:15:00.004+08:00

World behind my wall (English Version) by tokio hotel

It's raining today
The blinds are shut
It's always the same
I tried all the games that they play
But they made me insane

Life on TV
It's random
It makes nothing to me
I'm writing down
What I cannot see
Wanna wake up in a dream

Oh
They're telling me it's beautiful
I believe them but will I ever know
The world behind my wall?

Oh
The sun will shine like never before
One day I will be ready to go
See the world behind my wall

Trains in the sky
Are travelling
Through fragments of time
They're taking me to parts of my mind
That no one can find

I'm ready to fall
I'm ready to crawl
On my knees to know it all
I'm ready to heal
I'm ready to feel

Oh
They're telling me it's beautiful
I believe them but will I ever know
The world behind my wall?

Oh
The sun will shine like never before
One day I will be ready to go
See the world behind my wall

I'm ready to fall
I'm ready to crawl
On my knees to know it all
I'm ready to heal
I'm ready to feel

Take me there!

Oh
They're telling me it's beautiful
I believe them but will I ever know
The world behind my wall?

& you begin to realise,
anyone around you can take you anywhere, anytime.
but only you will know where you truly belong.

likewise.
everything around you can change,
but after all these times,
only you can find your true self.

------

by the way, i saw tokio hotel's humanoid album at popular's CD rama today, which was a very pleasant surprise!

also when e-hui was studying in the reading room in the morning, listening to 98.7 fm, she heard tokio hotel's automatic on air.

which means tokio hotel is finally gaining much recognition which they truly deserve here! yayyy happy happy. :D

------

anyway went shopping with e-hui for danette's birthday present today after band at cineleisure/ plaza sing. :D had fun going crazy over the smallest stuff together hahahaha. darn hilarious. especially the giant tweety bird, THE TATTY TEDDY CARDDDD OH MANN, DOREAMONN, and lots of other cute soft toys omg. it feels good being a kid again. :D

more details at e-hui's blog. photos! :D hahaha. oh thanks e-hui for treating me to the tako ball haha darn nice. :D

we need to have a family outing someday, and then sista and i go out and shop for Christmas some other day, and then i need to get concert stuff also omggg. alot of things to do. ><

----

e-hui enlightened me about some stuffs today. (:

and i realised that maybe deep down inside, even for those who are superduper adventurous and are risk takers, maybe we all want that certainty in life. this sort of certainty is knowing that there will always be someone there for you to share your joys and sorrows with, someone to congratulate you on even the smallest achievements cause it's the little things that you feel really proud of, someone to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on, someone to cheer you up when you're feeling so pissed with yourself and to tell you that everything will be alright, someone to give you hugs especially when you need them, someone to wish you goodnight before you go to sleep even when it's like 3am and everyone else has gone to bed, or maybe just someone to hang out with especially when the whole world has no time for you. it doesn't have to be that same someone in particular, but more like having that close set of people to always be there for you.

anyway, maybe, if that quote speaks the truth, then with that faith that everything will be okay in the end, with that certainty in mind, we won't be so scared to live, won't be so scared to love, won't be so scared to do things that we fear we might regret doing, or not doing. everything will work out in the end.

for the first part, im really thankful for people like kexin, jasmine, brudders/sistas, zoo, david to be in my life.

for the second part,
no one really knows what the other party is really thinking or feeling.
but neither party is willing to take the initiative either. ._.

im sorry.
the last time you asked what was wrong, i couldnt tell you.
and i'll probably never ever tell you either cause i'm too cowardly.

i don't have the courage, the certainty, the assurance i need.

but then again, even if i dont talk to you, doesn't mean i dont care.
i still do, i just- can't show it?

sian. i need to change to lj pretty soon.

2009-11-07T00:46:00.004+08:00

!1UH-3 says:
YEAH OMG
hhahh
oh
ahha sheng bully me today la. he say want use hairspray on me
then i say
you spray i kill you
then he say OKAY :D
LOL
then i pretend like want cry liddat
then he was like da jie bu yao ku. muahahha

LOL. hahaha.

today has been quite sian diao, stayed at home the whole day. D: but e-hui calling me in the evening to let me hear teammates sing happy birthday for all the November babies really made my day. :D omg thanks alot to everyone who celebrated and sang over the phone, even though i wasnt there. :D thanks thanks. loves. <3

anyway,

:DDD tokio hotel performs world behind my wall at MTV europe music awards! :D
they seriously never fail to put up a good show. last year was water, this year, fire. :DDD lovesss!

2009-11-05T23:07:00.005+08:00

how can someone's life be controlled by another person.

it's one of those nights where you stare around aimlessly again, thousands of thoughts running through your head, but you have no objective.

it's one of those nights where you feel depressed, but you don't know why or what made you depressed.

“ we don’t look for monsters under our beds anymore,
because, now they’re in our hearts. " -qian's lj

it's one of the nights where i just want to lie in bed and cry myself to sleep.

2009-11-04T21:07:00.004+08:00

before anything else,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICHOLAS a.k.a. ex- SHARKBOY. :D cause your shark bag no more! D:

on and, JASMINE POON. I MISS YOU. D:

-----

"Dadum! I'm quite happy today, cause we made so many new friends today! :D" -Nelson

after math lecture, which was the only reason why both nelson and i went to school today, both of us went to slack around, undecided of whether we should both go home or just slack around in school. until both of us found 09s60 class bench and decided to crash their class for fun instead hahaha. :D

watched them play chinese chess at first, then both nelson and i went to buy the i heart hc shirts together cause we both didnt bring a shirt and we wanted to play volleyball LOL. then tess, ivan, nelson, ken and i went to the squash courts to play abit of volleyball. watched the pros trying to spike the ball haha, darn pro people.

played around abit, got tired, then their class guys wanted to go lan. so jing jie came to retrieve his ball, but not before practicing abit. crazy his spikes darn scary and imba haha. watched their class guys bullied tess abit (tsk.) before they ran off to keep the ball before going for lan. then tess, nelson and i sian diao, cause nothing to do. so we went back to the class bench and stole his ball back to play again HAHA. hilarious. played abit in the volleyball courts with david, nelson and tess before david went off to play lan and then nelson, tess and i went to practice in the squash courts.

after that the 3 of us got tired so we just sat around in the squash court, which turned out to be pretty comfortable and cooling. :D haha nelson then declared that the squash court was our second home since it was so nice! :D then we decided to go back to the class benches since we were all tired. met chong wei there, who then suggested that we played monopolyyy. :DDDD YAYY. went to rent the game from council, then nelson suggested that we go play in the squash court since it was our second home! LOL. but squash people wanted to use the courts. D: so we ended up walking to fishtank to play in the end.

it was pretty fun playing monopoly with tess, nelson, liqin, chongwei, zhenghao and josh LOL. since i kept getting doubles, zhenghao and i ended up with the most number of properties, but we all didnt managed to get all the properties of the same colour. so our whole table ended up buying properties from each other LOL. tess so depressed cause she didnt have a single property to play with in the beginning, until she bought over the yellow property from zhenghao, who was getting richer by the second, and then i sold my yellow property to her in turn for alliance LOL. then josh was getting upset cause he was the second last and all the properties kept being bought up by others, leaving him with only 2 properties.

the whole game turned into this barter trade/business talk LOL, with each of us offering to buy or sell or trade our properties to get all the properties of the same colour. the scene was pretty hilarious with chongwei offering to buy over this property from zhenghao originally worth 300 bucks with 1k, and then raising it to 1.5k, fighting with liqin over it LOL. darn hilarious. josh was like "1k?! are you crazy?! are you sure you have 1 k?" then chong wei immediately raised it to 1.5k and we were all like "WHAT!? YOU GOT 1.5 K MEH!" HAHAHAHA. darn funnyyyyy. :DDD

so nelson and i managed to get the properties we wanted and we started building 3 houses each for each estate, and because we owned the properties next to each other, the whole lane became super risky and dangerous muahahaha. :D then my stack of monopoly notes got thicker and thicker hahahaha. :DDD darn fun.

but then josh managed to get the richer property to my dismay. D: then each roll became a ticking bomb, cause we didnt know who would go bankrupt next. in the end chongwei was left with 500 bucks, so he combined with tess to form one player hahaha, owning the yellow property. then suddenly nelson and liqin were alliances with each other then the rest of us were like GG. cause both of them had the richest properties on the board. D: so josh and i became alliances cause both of us were richer HAHA. then tess came to join us while zhenghao went to join liqin and nelson LOL. so then it became a game between 2 parties wth. but josh, tess and i won because we had more money.

the last few rounds were darn hilarious cause chongwei and zhenghao were darn lucky, they kept landing on the spaces like chance or community chest, and josh was in jail LOL, which left me to carefully place my token. then liqin and nelson were also trying to avoid our properties but still, they ended up selling most of their houses and mortgaging their properties to pay us instead. :DD

when we finished playing it was almost 2.30 and the game had to end because they had badminton recrea lol. then david who came back from lan, zhenghao, liqin, tess, e-hui who came down, nelson, chris who was injured and i just slacked around at the 60 class bench, flick and play ball haha. nelson, tess and e-hui ate cup noodles for lunch, then after that we went to play ball and flick at the area outside audi. quite fun. ahh people like david and nelson darn zai. D: hehh.

after playing for abit, we decided to go to the volleyball courts to play when the rain stopped instead cause the area outside audi was wet, and taekwondo was training there. but then josh and chongwei sent chris back home first. then david left le. so left me, tess, nelson, liqin and philemon. then we just sianned diao at the volleyball courts cause it was wet too. and we were all very tired haha.

oh oh. by the way, EDWYNA YOU BAD GIRL. D: roarrr.

so then the 5 of us went back to the class benches and then we decided to go coro to get bubbletea. :D haha.

-----

me: "haha i get so many free hugs from so many people nowdays. yayyyy happy happy. :D"
e-hui: "haha i can hug you everyday if it makes you happy. lol. :D"

hahaha. thanks sista! :D <3

sometimes i wish sports would do to me what basketball does to kexin. :/
tiring myself out today kinda made me escape from reality, but it didn't really help me solve my problems, or clear my thoughts. D:

this time, it's getting harder to breathe.

2009-11-03T23:48:00.003+08:00

& then i realised,

the reason why i've been feeling so bitter all this year, (most of it anyway) was because subconsciously, i still cared.

as little as i showed it, whether in school or at home online, i still cared.
even though i've made new friends, found loved ones whom i can totally depend on, found a family of brudders and sistas, i still cared.

i guess you just didnt care as much. how foolishly stupid can i get.
-----

peter made me realise the above, which made me realise why i kinda wanted to go home alone today.
i didnt want you to see the tears.

& thanks nelson once again for making my night. ayee.
you've been making me smile for the last few nights. (:
simple gestures go a long way. thanks alot. :D

2009-11-03T22:07:00.005+08:00

the following is dedicated to peter, e-hui, sheng jie brudder, kexin, and anyone else who's struggling to deal with their own problems, one way or another. ><

Jeremy Camp- Understand

Every time I fall down on my face
I see the one who bore all my shame
Well To know that you are everything I need you be
You're my ever present help in time of need

I know you understand it all
So why don't I get back on my feet again
I know you understand it all
So why don't I get back on my feet again
I know you understand it all

Every pain I feel inside my heart
It takes a faith I know I can't depart
Well To know that you hear every cry I raise to you
Bringing thoughts of hope the words I bring I know are few

------

took bus home with jiawen today, training was quite tiring, partly because mentally i wasn't really prepared. D: sian.

brooded over some stuffs on the bus ride home again, which kinda wore me out even more. D:

it hurts when your parents tell you that you can't pursue what you want or am passionate about,
but it hurts even more when you have your grandparents coming to say that to you.

wth, when i reached home, my grandparents were there.

worse still, they said i should stop just because "girls don't do these type of things. you have no future!"

-----

i really love my teammates. :D they never fail to make my day. :D haha.
they're the only reason why i havent given up now.
i must hold on.

-----

Automatic-tokio hotel

It's automatic
And your heart's like an engine
I die with every beat
You're automatic,
And your voice is electric
Why do I still believe?

It's automatic
Everywhere in your letter
A lie that makes me bleed
It's automatic
When you say things get better
But they never...

There's no real love in you
There's no real love in you
There's no real love in you
Why do I keep loving you

you keep sending me mixed messages, leaving me confused.
i shouldn't even be bothered; i don't know why i'm feeling this.

-----

hello dear, it's been months since we last talked. but now when i read your blog, i have a feeling i don't even know who you really are anymore.

did i even know you back then, when we shared those perfect memories together, so young and carefree before college came to ruin and mess up our lives for us?

maybe that was just another pretty facade. i never knew you before.

2009-11-02T00:24:00.003+08:00

haha found this on david's bedpost when i went to his house that day with peter. :D
basically it just speaks "i dont like you. SHOO." haha.

i've been quite sian lately, and i have seriously no motivation to update this space, or there are stuffs that i feel i can't put here otherwise. maybe i should just change to LJ, but i'm such a noob at lj. D:

been tumblr-ing tonight, and i stumbled upon some stuffs which enlightened me much.

like how kexin puts it, some things in life are just not meant to be.
no matter how much you want it, or much you desire, at the end of the day, it all boils down to nothing. nothing at all. ><
who are you going to blame? it's nobody's fault. things just didnt turn out the right way, or how you wanted or expected it to be.

just like what peter said on his tumblr, life just keeps throwing curveballs at you, especially when you least expect.

i think i've been on my guard on some things that i expect to happen. and soon im going to let it off.
that's probably when im going to get hit the hardest.

it's been very, very tiring.
like what kexin said, it's like you've been thinking so much that now, you just dont want to think about anything anymore.

take cover under this happy, smiling and carefree facade,
and try to keep smiling. (:

2009-11-01T00:40:00.003+08:00

mine's probably soon.

-------

this week has been full of ups and downs. im quite glad kexin chose to confide in me some of her stuffs, i really dont know what would have happened to her if she didnt. continue being blind haha. nah at least she knows what things really are now, even though the choice is really still up to her. (:

there's quite alot going on for me too, with some realization happening on tuesday when i went home with brudders, which haha kinda ruined me when i should have been happy. ._. & then there was the wednesday issue, stoning with kexin for like 3 hours, emoing. then the last 2 days were, idk. uneasy, unpredictable and sort of disheartening since things at home havent really cleared up, and urgh it's really getting tiring. D:

how many times this week have i asked myself if i could really go on, when would i break. it's really tiring, every time after training. D: & im really tired of lying. D: seriously, the conscience is hurting. yet im really unwilling to give up. it's all i have left. D: giving up would mean, suicide? urgh. i've come this far. i should be able to hold on longer.

friday's band really made me doubt my abilities. what the hell was i doing lah. suddenly im so unsure of myself, in so many different aspects (& the decision for all my problems) and everything just came crashing down.

and i realised why i cant do it.
i dont want things to stay like this. i dont want to go out there and do it with a bunch of strangers. i want to do it with my close friends. D: it just doesnt feel right anymore. i cant get that feeling back.

urgh, amidst everything, im really thankful for the ones i have though. :D loves to those who cared and helped me along, like e-hui, kexin, jasmine, nelson, sheng, oli and of course peter and david. <3 company with teammates can totally cheer me up. :DD

and of course, music cures all broken souls.
fangirl again! there's too much daesung footage in this for me to resist HAHA. :D

2009-10-25T23:14:00.003+08:00

WARNING: THIS IS A FANGIRLING POST. :DDD

Daesung's solo- try and smile.

omg his voice is awesommmeeeeeeeeee. :D love love love. :D
and the song's lyrics. heh. i think it's something some of us can sort of relate to. (: beautiful song. :D

oh this made me crack up totally. :DDDD

OMG HAHAHAHAA. DAESUNG IS DARN CUTEEEE. especially the part where daesung had his "cuteness explosion" HAHA WTH. and the beginning when he asked if he could stay at jaesuk's house instead cause he was afraid TOP would make him pay for bullying him. and the part where TOP got into the house with daesung and tried to beat him up but daesung escaped from the house through the windowwww omg darn hilarious! :DDD

and and and, BINGU TOP! :DDD HAHAHAHAHAHA.

anyway, other links like daesung day, family outing and comeback concert

------
i had the worst dream last night btw. D: i dread tmr terribly. D:

2009-10-25T00:53:00.007+08:00

Hymm to the infinite sky, by K U Wind Symphony, Thailand.

i just found this on youtube, cause i missed hymm suddenly, and omgggg HAHA. the conductor's the thai guy that came to coach us for SYF!!! i think i think. looks like him. OMGGG THIS IS SO COOL. :DDD.

this is not the full song by the way. D: but K U Winds sound really good. like expression, tone, dynamics, phrasing and stuff. pro people.

i need to fall in love with band again. desperately.
i need that passion for the music to come back. ><
sadly i couldnt find any videos on the pieces that we're going to play for noel this year. D: rahhhh.

i loveeeee hymmmmmmmm. <3
i miss that feeling. that feeling which we all embraced for every concert or SYF with an emotional piece, the whole band putting their heart and soul into the soul, expressing their emotions by telling the story of the song. like hymm to the infinite sky, painting the picture of the birds, the serenity, the clear blue sky and the heavens above. i miss the feeling of being able to do that.

satoshi yagishawa actually composed hymm to the sun too, which was our SYF piece this year. somehow, sadly i dont feel the same connection to the song that i had with hymm to the infinite sky. D: maybe because i couldnt see the picture that the song was trying to paint. but that thai guy who came to coach us during syf really helped us alot. he helped us paint the picture, describing each scene that the song was trying to depict, helped us expressed and put in our own emotions into the song and together, helped us to tell the story of the song- the fight between the sun and the dark clouds. hahaha.

and our singing part! :DDDDD loveeeeeee! the scene where the sun has won the fight, and all is good and hopeful. calm, reassurance, and then triumph.

then there's other songs that never fail to make me love band again. like persis! 7th night of july! machu picchu! fate of the gods! with heart and voice! Jalan-jalan! omggggg. it seemed eons ago that we played persis together as a whole ny band on the VCH stage. and i still remember the percussion practicing hard for Brazilian, and finally making it on the concert day, rocking the house downn. :DDD loveeee!

and SYF '07 had us playing jericho as a whole ny band on the SCH stage. still remembered that day we totally played our hearts out, screamed and shouted our lungs for the walls to crumbled like we never dared to before in our practices haha. it was so amazing, how all of us on stage just knew what to do, what the picture we wanted to paint was. and after syf, we would all play the jericho recording in our classrooms, sometimes blasting it cause we would be proud to hear it, for it was our performance, us on stage playing as one, expressing as one.

these memories seem so far away. D: i kinda regret not taking music. maybe that would have reminded me of my love for band. but then every choice comes with an opportunity cost. maybe then i wouldnt have fell in love with frisbee then. so, it's always a give or take situation.

----

yesterday was horrendously horrible. thanks for the people who were there, especially e-hui, shengjie brudder, nelson, edwin and yangxuan hahah who surprisingly talked to me about it. he kinda enlightened me about some stuffs, and helped me look on the positive side of things.

i suck. i kinda brought it on myself i guess.
finally, when the truth would be revealed, the days to come would be tough and hellish.
the time would come where i would have to make a choice once again. a sacrifice.
forced to, rather. cause no matter how reluctant i am, i would still have to do it.

perhaps the above was trying to get me prepared for what's to come, and to help me get through life without seeing the people i loved and cared for, or doing the things i loved and am passionate about again.

------
today was spent out at westmall with family. omg dressed all girly for the first time in eons haha and i kinda felt good.

went to the library cause i needed books to indulge in desperately. i found some books by haruki murakami which reminded me of last year's memories with zoo once again. the book which sok, ee and i bought for ky for christmas. haha. why do i even remember stuffs like these. ._. it's like the littlest and insignificant things that i tend to remember. probably because those were the days that were really carefree and fun-filled. >< i miss them alot.

now, we're like non-existent.

----

this week has been rather screwed up, with loads of weird things and slacking around happening at the same time. like uh monday at david's house with peter for example, and wednesday slacking around with frisbee people, flicking, and uh the whole weird incident. and then thursday with kexin emoing to me and then he came over again incident, and then yesterday's david and i stuff in the morning, and then daryl's comment at night. :/

kexin just came to emo to me again. haha lucky girl went to scream with some lucky group of friends LOL. -smirks-

but then again she kinda made me realised some stuffs that i werent too sensitive to, or rather, never seemed to notice about. heh. like the stuff that the people around me do to show care and concern for me. sometimes even the simplest word that they say can mean alot. but i seem to take that for granted these days. like im getting used to it.

i think im hanging out with guys too much for my own good. -.- badd.

the smallest things kexin noticed about really made me realized how insensitive i've been to other's actions. idk, i used to notice and would remember their actions, and then feel touched by their intentions, but nowadays i'd just notice and not feel anything anymore. cause i dont know if they really mean what they say or do anymore i guess.

i shouldnt think that way. like kexin, i should just notice and appreciate their actions once again, regardless of what their real intentions are. i guess. :/

heh thinking is tiring. D: i shall return to my books though it's already 2.

oh no i still have to wake up tmr and do Series and sequences for my math tuition. D: sian.

2009-10-22T23:11:00.003+08:00

today was very fei. went to school for 2.5 hours of lessons. win.
like math in the morning from 8-9, then break till 1 where we had chem till 2.30. epic.

so during my very long break, i went to watch nicholas's and derrick's class play frisbee hahah. derrick's class guys quite zai. ayee. pro people.

then after that, went to find kexin and talked. heh sorry e-hui for pangsehing you today, like almost the whole day. >< watched jordon, qianwen and jonathan flick in the inner plaza also haha.

after that sian diao, found jichao hiding in the band room trying to play dota LOL. epic lah. then talked about some random stuffs for abit while i watched him play CD4 lol. darn zai lah him, aiming so good. lol.

nothing much happened until after school, went down to flick for abit with melvin's new disc! :D then met kexin again. hahah tuesday was me ranting and emoing to e-hui, today was kexin's turn to rant and emo to me. heh. talked about band and everything. :/ which made me think about my own choices too. or the choices that i soon will have to make. ><

after emoing for quite long, we went onto talking, ranting and even screaming our frustrations out hahaha. darn stupid, both of us super aa, gaying and ranting in front of rugby and frisbee people. -.-

then after she got abit better, we decided to go down and join the others to flick (cause i couldnt resist anymore. >< heh sorry!) we joined portia, xinyu and jasmine who were flicking, and surprisingly, kexin's backhand is quite good! O.O (cue for you to go "omg im darn shocked") lol okay wait i forgot, basketballer. haha. but it was darn hilarious afterwards when both kexin and i were talking on the field, then suddenly a disc flew towards kexin cause it was a off throw, and kexin screamed like siaoo. LOL. in the field, right in front of the rugby and frisbee people. LOL. WELL DONE. i couldnt stop laughing at her lah, totally made my day, EPIC.

zzz i wonder how she play basketball like that. -.- the ball come she scream and run LOL. okay okay j.k.j.k. laxxx.

oh then i commented her about being blind. LOL. for some other matters, besides the disc thingy haha. and she laughed like siao over that one simple comment. -.- talk about self-amusement.

kexin left a while later, but heh everything that was left, or that she said just made me think again :/ sian.

the trip home was alone, it was spent sleeping cause i was so mentally tired.
i think too much.

----------

what way is it better to end a sian day than to talk to david and peter haha. thanks guys for being there, talking to me, helping me keep my sanity in the midst of this mess.

oh and peter got onto tumblr! and posted quite alot of heartfelt stuff, which i surprisingly found i can kinda connect to, possibly cause he's been telling me everything. :/

Someone once told me that love was beautiful; it would be everything every man or woman dreamed of, their hope and optimism for the future. They weren’t wrong. Love is indeed fantastic and beyond all imagination.
The moment you hold their hand, first hug, first kiss, that intoxicating feeling of falling in love all over, being head over heels for that person, and letting it overcome you, tiring you out, yet at the same time, filling you with the strength to carry on. No doubt, love is the very foundation of any relationship, and friendship, marriage. It is also the very foundation of who God is.

Yet on the flipside, love is also the only thing that can rend a person apart.
It can reduce the toughest, the hardest of life’s men to tears. It can cause a person to lose his sanity, abandoning his very being, undoing the very fabric of the person. Indeed, who am I to question this unfathomable, powerful force that even God uses it?

No doubt most of us have felt these 2 opposing sides of love. For those who haven’t felt the harsh pain it can bring, i hope you’ll never experience it. For those who have never felt the truly magical side, i hope you’ll find your significant other.

I’ve never felt so conflicted.

-peter

i think this applies to some others i know, :/ and i think most of us feel the same way too, so yea. you guys are not alone. ><

--------------

okay. now im dreading tmr. D: seriously.

2009-10-19T20:07:00.004+08:00

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fading
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

lifehouse-blind

how it kills me everytime i hear this song.

------

went to junning's house to do pw ytd. did op and script. i need to memorise my script! ><

went to david's house with peter todayy. :D it feels really great to see them again, since we don't really get to see each other much. met david at the mrt station first, then both of us went to his house first cause PETER KOH OVERSLEPT AGAIN. zzzz. hahaha okay. so david and i went to his house first, talked about stuffs, watched him play dota when he was supposed to do his wr. -.- slacked around in his room. i concluded that his house is a very nice and fun place hahah. so bigg! :D

then peter came at around 11.30, 12. that poor guy almost got lost lah, david's house so ulu. then david continued playing his dota, while peter started breaking in his room. peter tried teaching me break, and oh cwalk! :DDD funnn.

then the 3 of us went down for lunch. then the both of them started niaoing me over lunch again, as always. -.- zzzz. used to it liao. sian diaooo. oh then we saw his dogggg! :D so cuteeeeeee omg love love love love love. :D it doesnt bark or bite lah so good! :D nice dogggy. :DDDD

after lunch and ice cream LOL haha, we went up to his attic and played guitar hero/rock band hahah. darn funnnn! i realised peter's darn pro on the drums, and david's godlike. -.- wl i bet he whole day hide in his attic and play lah LOL. okay j.k. but seriously, both of them darn prooo. and it was really fun. had fun singing our favourite songs, and oh MONSOOOOONNNNNNNNN! <333 hahaha. and david kept going on about the stalker song hahahah darn hilariousss. stupid guy haha.

oh then peter took over the vocals and omggg darn funny hahah. we just sang our hearts out without a care for the world outside. funnnnnn. :DDD oh then david kept showing off his darn pro guitar skills. zzzz. haha like not looking at his notes and playing and looking at me or disturbing me while im trying to figure out the notes on the basssss. roarrrr.

played from 2-4.30, then we went back down to david's room cause he needed to do his wr. so peter and i slacked around his room, sat on his bed, explored his room, played with his soft toys and talked and rubbished LOL. hahah. oh and stupid peter koh kept BRIDGING ME WTH. (lol if you know what it is.) SIAN. then i cannot poke him back roarrrr. one day i'll get him LOL.

before peter and i left we went back down to play with his dogg. :DDD omg LOVEEEEEEE HIS DOG IS DARN CUTEEE. :D she kept jumping and pawing at us awwwww such a nice and friendly dogggg! :D love love love. and the fur darn nice lahhhh. :D

david walked both peter and i out from his house to the bus stop, then peter left for vivo to shop while i headed home. heh sorry peter i couldnt follow you to vivo to shop, leaving you in such awkwardness >< LOL. okay erm not funny. okay i go shop with you again some other time. :D and one day both david and i need to go your houseeee. :DDD

thanks david for todayy. :DDD

-----

I don't want to cause you trouble
Don't wanna stay too long
I just came here to say to you

Turn around, I am here
If you want, it's me you'll see
Doesn't count, far or near.
I can hold you when you reach for me.
I am by your side
Just for a little while

by your side- tokio hotel

i had myself thinking on the way back again. cause i was alone heh.
after seeing all these, after hearing from all of them, i really starting to doubt it actually exists.

maybe she was right. :/ maybe it doesn't exist at it. maybe it's just something that we all imagine and believe in.

alot of us are going through the same thing. >< urgh.
once again, others before self, others before self.

----

oh by the way,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YEO KEXINNNN!!!!

I KNOW YOU COME HERE YOU STALKERR. NEXT TIME IT'S MY TURN TO GO YOUR HOUSE AND PLAY WII. :D I NEVER PLAY BEFOREEE HAHAHA.

2009-10-18T01:15:00.003+08:00

"The tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention, that sometimes your heart takes you places you shouldn’t be, places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring, and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending."

after talking to kexin on thursday, she made me realised what i havent realised.
i still dont know what my heart wants.

---

i've been tired mentally, thus spamming sports yesterday and hence getting myself the worst sunburnt ever. jiajie said i looked drunk yesterday during band. he was so wrong. i look like a freaking lobster wth. and it hurts quite alot. >< so there, my worst sunburnt ever.

but then yesterday was kinda fun. doing sports helped me take my mind off some stuffs, sports and music = good distractions hahaha. unlike today. >< i really need distractions so i wouldnt think. D:

-----

why is it that after promos life seem to be going downhill. urgh.

i used to hate being alone, but right now, i think some loneliness helps.
need to clear my mind off stuff. sometimes company makes you think more. :/

urgh what is this. im like contradicting myself.
i hate being alone, but now i need to be alone. -.-

im sorry i havent talked to you in ages.
im not ready yet.

im still too weak. the hurt hasnt stopped yet.

2009-10-17T01:03:00.003+08:00

lalala- big bang.

music cures the soul. :D & daesung is darn cute i cannot stand it! & taeyang's dreadlockssss! :DDD

----

today was kinda tiring. we got dismissed early so our class kinda wanted to play volleyball but there wasnt enough courts, so they decided not to instead. -.- so i went to crash david's class instead. alot of zai people, kinda scary for a noob like me lol. thanks tess and liqin for helping hahahah. forcing me to serve LOL.

after the sun came out and everyone stopped playing, liqin, tess and i continued playing basketball for awhile. then at about 12 i went back to flick with brudders and gang. lol. then after that, went to eat with e-hui haha. talked about some stuffs again.

when we went back, we saw that soccer people koped the field, then we just sian diao. sat down there stone and tell lame jokes lol. then shengjie wanted to go down to flick at 2, so ian, shengjie, weijie and i went to the mini field at the side of the whole field (LOL) to play. the whole JC field was like divided into three, for rugby, soccer and frisbee. then our field become very small, sian diao. then the 4 of us just started play 2 on 2, but whichever guy (shengjie or ian) who paired up with me sure gg lah, cause im so noob. D: rahhhh. darn sian. then got burnt in the sun cause it was darn freaking hot.

then after that we changed to the side field, and then started having drills and then just had pick-ups. it was good to see everyone on field again (well almost everyone), good to be playing on field again. :D though we all got literally burnt from the freaking hot sun. then left for band at 4.30.

band was okay. i like flight to the future! :D it's the only nice sounding piece that we're playing i guess. when we reached the guys were all playing bridge or dota-ing on their com. win lahhh. oh then my bass went missing. -.- darn epic. like so big an instru still can go missing wth.

oh then jason was darn hilarious. "omg you're purple!" EPIC. everyone just kept commenting on how red i was lah.

after band, went back to jc to meet teammates for dinner. haha. shengjie and i went to buy drink for marcus, then the machine ate up his 1.20 LOL. played bridge with brudder, marcus and zhiyang, then went down to flick with yongquan's flashlight disc in the dark with weijie and shengjie brudder. OMGGGGG DARN COOL. IT'S DARN NICE AND PRETTY I WANT ONE TOOO. :D THEN WE CAN HAVE NIGHT TRAININGGGG HAHAHAH. it's darn pretty lahhhhh i wannntttttt! T.T

after that the girls went off for dinner first, before me, shengjie brudder, weijie, jonny and chinteck took after them to serene's. when we reached serene's there werent exactly enough space for us, so we sat outside macs but next to the girls, so there was like a glass partition in between us 5 and e-hui, jiawen, iris, jingqing and evelyn LOL. we were like communicating through hand signs and handphone messages LOL. darn hilarious hahaha.

oh then jiawen and i were taking photos together. :D then it was like cause we were separated by the glass partition so we were like leaning against the glass to take photo. then shengjie keep laughing at us saying we darn retarded LOL.

after that e-hui and evelyn left, then jiawen, iris and jingqing came out to join us hahahah. :D then jiaming melvin and yongquan brudders came to join us too. :D played i never never and zhong ji mi ma darn fun hahaha. weijie, shengjie and jiaming kept tio-ing but then we didnt have stuff to ask them so they were like safe LOL. hahaha.

oh then something darn weird and retarded happened to me. zzzzz like wth. why do such weird stuff keep happening to me. -.- roar.

after that we went home. was supposed to go home with brudders but then something else happened. >< heh sorry i pangsehed you guys. and thanks for the day! :D

-----

anyway, tumblr

2009-10-15T21:04:00.002+08:00

& mentally i started pleading with myself, "stop! stop! make it stop! make it go away! D:"

my heart's faltering. im losing hope.
im dead tired. emotionally dead tired.

2009-10-14T23:47:00.002+08:00

george nozuka's talk to me.

this was the song we danced to today. :D darn nice. and andy's choreo to this song is darnnnn niceeeeeeee. especially the ending! :D

i think we all agreed that today was more manageable than yesterday haha, cause today's new school hip hop was more lyrical and slower, smoother. yesterday's fusion hip hop was really hard, accented, locking popping, more technical. ><

i kinda want to know how street jazz went hahah. dance! :D

after new school hip hop today, nelson, jiajie, oli, shengjie and i once again had the whole studio to ourselves and we started trying to break again. oh we talked to andy our instructor for awhile, he's really nice lol. and darn flexible wth. he can do split lah! D: (i fail. ._.)

thanks nelson, shengjie and oli brudder for helping me with my freeze again lol. i fail lah my freeze darn lousy, i kept falling and hitting my shoulder. D: then shengjie, nelson and jiajie were all trying to balance their handstands, while oli was practicing his six steps lol. i need to practice my six steps too, not clean. D:

then after that we were all tired out, and jiajie and nelson started trying to taupok shengjie LOL. unfortunately shengjie was too strong liao, he flipped over and then nelson became underneath and jiajie and shengjie started to taupok nelson instead lol. darn hilarious.

left the studio afterwards, then we saw SMU people flicking outside the library like at the small patches of grass (LOL) so we started to flick with yongquan's disc. omggg i miss flicking, darn fun. but my throws are darn screwed up. D: and there were 2 tyco passes to nelson and jiajie that slipped from my hands and flew through this narrow gap between some sculpture we were flicking beside LOL. then nelson and jiajie kept laughing at me lol. oh oh then nelson started to do a wave before he threw, or a wave before he tried to catch a disc. fail lah hahaha, but his wave not bad LOL.

then after that, me, nelson, jiajie and shengjie brudder went down to meridian to play pool. the 3 pros were teaching me how to play lah. nelson's darn zai, and jiajie is tyco hahaha. today is not shengjie's day. he kept missing lah lol. darn hilarious.

oh then we kept getting scolded by the guy! first nelson just poured all the balls onto the table, then he kena scolded. then shengjie put his drink on the side of the table, kena scolding again. then after using his cue stick to help me align mine, nelson swung his cue stick upwards, which hit the lights accidentally with a huge sound and the uncle stared at us again. LOL. darn hilarious.

after 2 games, the just started to practice different strokes, and just got me exposed to the different situations. haha i still cant do the scratching thing, keep missing the ball. D: but anyway, thanks nelson, jiajie and brudder for todayyy! :DD happy happy. :D

after that, nelson and jiajie took mrt home while brudder and i took bus home again. :D haha talked about stuffs. thanks brudder for bringing there, and taking me home again, or else i wont really have gotten lost. so thanks thanks. :D

dance, flick, pool all in one day with loved ones, today is a happy happy day! :D

2009-10-13T22:43:00.002+08:00

The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when Sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and go, “No, I’m happy for you”? That’s when it’s really sad.

— John Mayer (via creampuff) (via succette)

today was eventful.
it was physically, mentally and emotionally tiring. ><

today's sabbaticals was fun! had sok, shengjie, nelson, cynthia, oli, jiajie for company. :D but very tiring also D: learnt alot of stuffs, so it was fruitful i guess.

after the sabbats, when everyone left the studio, nelson, oli, jiajie, shengjie and i stayed behind to slack abit more, so the guys were all bboying LOL. then nelson and shengjie helped me with my freeze, and shengjie taught me six step properly LOL. brudder tried to teach me toprock but fail lah, i cannot get the feel at all. ><

after that e-hui, shengjie and i went to watch 500 days of summer together at ps after our sabbaticals today. there were some pretty hilarious parts, shengjie and e-hui kept making fun of my noobness with cinema.

after the movie, i saw qian and her TOPG gang. win, we were watching the same movie in the same theatre and we didnt know lol.

the movie was pretty good i guess. but it left me half-confused LOL. set the 3 of us thinking about our own stuffs, so shengjie and my trip home together wasnt really pleasant for me, cause roarrr i kept thinking about stuffs, and how stupid i was. -.-
talked to shengjie about some stuffs that uhh left me really thinking lah. :/

reached home, talked to peter, david, kexin and brudder sheng jie hahaha.
hmm. mentally tiring. ><

"i think if i drew out your relationship map it would be a spiderweb HAHAHA."
"after promos, all of us seem to get busier with more stuffs to think and worry about. D:" -qian

-------

i think after going through all of that, i've become tougher.
or maybe immune to feelings? ><

somehow i think i think im strong but im not as strong. if you get what i mean. :/
im not as strong as i wish i could be.

2009-10-13T00:08:00.002+08:00

you make me feel so dumb.
you make me feel like a total fool.
urgh im such a stupid girl. D:

----

went back to school, kajiao-ed e-hui haha, (sorry sista. >< ) then after they came out from their physics paper, went to flick abit before qian and i went island creamery for HTHT again. talked about our problems again haha. thanks qianwen for listening. :D roarrr jc life sucksss.

oh and both of us almost died crossing the road. omg darn scary, but looking back it was quite retarded and hilarious.

went back to school, met up with e-hui again before i joined david's class to play lan. :D haha went to makan first before we went to play L4D. his class guys keep bullying their class girls! >< poor tess, hahah omg tess is darn retarded lol. ivan and weisheng kept bullying her ayee.

played campaign with david and some other guy (eh i forgot his name ><) first before josh, hsiu chin, david and i played campaign together. haha darn retarded, stupid david went crazy and started killing his own teammates e.g. ME. woah thanks arh. -.- then we played the last level of the hospital thingy and omg i was the only one who managed to get to the helicopter, cause david and hsiu chin got killed by 2 tanks, and josh was hurt by triple attacks from a hunter, a smoker and a boomer. win lahh.

their class decided to watch movie after that so i went home haha. but still thanks david. (but okay he wont see this, but still thanks. :D)

hmm tmr will be a better day, hopefully. ><

2009-10-12T01:23:00.003+08:00

today's weird.

i fell in love with big bang! :D but for a weird reason. okay i dont think i should say it here, but lol peter and e-hui knows, i've been going crazy about it to them LOL.

the fangirl in me is back, and this time it's about big bang.
this is very bad. i like them for a bad reason.

wth im liking something i shouldnt. -.- grahhh this sucks.
oh but then again, liking them helped me take my mind of some stuffs LOL. this is like. haiya idk.

talked to david, kexin, e-hui, oli, jiaming and peter today. :D was going crazy with kexin lol. HELLO DEAR, OUTINGGGGG. :DDDD hahaha.

okay im like really bored at home lah. just spamming videos everyday or talking to people everyday to like get my mind off stuffs, now that promos are over, there's like not much mugging i can do to distract myself. D: so uh yea. i feel darn loser lahh. D: siann.

pretty pretty. :D

okay im going school tmr! :D

edit:

OMG OMG OMG I HEARD AUTOMATISCH AGAIN AND OMGGGG THOSE GUITAR RIFFSSS. :DDDDDD
it's tom kaulitz doing it to my heart againn. :DDDD love love love! :D

i wanna learn how to play guitarrrrrrrrrrr! :DDD
OKAY im just going mad. it's 2 am in the morning and because of those guitar riffs, im too high i cant sleep. LOL.

/edit.

2009-10-10T23:46:00.005+08:00

promos were a horror. im going to fail econs math and bio gg.

yesterday's bio paper was terror. D: but thankfully i saw oli, shengjie and weijie after that, kinda cheered me up abit. then nelson, shengjie, melvin, shaun, oli, weijie, yongquan, and i went to makan together. melvin kept going on about writing an essay about why people need to yawn. full of rubbish lah he hahaha. played and flicked abit after that before weijie, oli and shengjie went back to mug.

oh cynthia jiawen nelson and i played fei ji qi hahaha. darn lame. then cynthia and jiawen went to play badminton while i went to flick with henry and hiippy. got tired then went to "mug" physics with oli and shengjie. kinda chased jiaming away. (im sorry! ><) tried to sleep but failed, nelson and i tried to study physics, fail also. hahah help shengjie decorate his lecture notes instead.

"talked" to e-hui about some stuffs after that, more of whispered lah hahahah. then qian called me to go lunch with her, talked about stuffs again, caught with her on loads of stuff oh my. talked for pretty long in ages. after talking for like 2 hours (LOL), she went back reading room to mug physics, i dropped by bandroom. liangsai, jiachen, luther and nicholas all inside playing bridge lah winnnn. then they were like "eh go lan!" LOL. haha almost wanted to join them before i found out that cynthia had extra shirt and i could go train, so i went to the side field to train instead.

it's been so long since we last trained! felt the adrenaline pumping again while playing match on the field, scored for the first time in ages. did a couple of pretty bad passes while handling with marcus and melvin on field though (sorry! ><) ayee i still suck man.

did reading after that, and omggg my hucks are goneeeee. D: im sad. D:

it's heartening to see people like henry who arent in HCULT, but so passionate about frisbee haha. he joined us for training for the very first time yesterday, roarrrr stupid marcus kept bullying him, but henry did great lah. he prolly better than me lol. D:

oh and how could we forget, shengjie the superman actually did a layout against daryl yesterday hahaha. and he scored like dunno how many times lahh. superman showing his true colours LOL.

yesterday night was horrible. sorry and thanks to e-hui who messaged me about stuffs while i complained and ranted to her about stuffs. heh sorry. >< sorry peter too, i didnt know you had your own problems to deal with last night as well. D: sorry sorry sorry. ><

once again thanks jiawei for making me feel better. :D

-----

today was wasted totally. i feel like some loser lah, stuck at home watching stupid videos off youtube.

oh but jiajie and oli just showed me the left 4 dead trailer in hokkien video, hahahah darn hilarious omggg.

oh and i love this. :D

i want one too! :D darn cool. hahaha.

i fell in love with brooklyn jai's choreography once again hahah darn nice lahhh. :D

like this:

brooklyn jai and amanda dancing to "when i grow up" by pussycat dolls

and this:

all guys, dancing to ciara's "that's right"
tight and energetic. niceeee. :D

oh and i wanna learn this! :DDD

brooklyn jai's choreo for ciara's "get up"

niceeee! :D

haiya you can tell how bored i am. i wanna go out and play. breathe some fresh air, get some exercise, lie on green grass and just stare at the sky.

2009-10-09T23:30:00.003+08:00

promos finally over, the company for the past week has made it so much more bearable. many thanks to ian, yongquan, weijie, shengjie, oli, jiaming, jasmine, e-hui, nelson, shaun, henry. especially ian, yongquan, shengjie, my 3 brudders who i always go home with, jiaming and ian for teaching me math, shengjie for being my chem tutor, yongquan and nelson for being my bio consults LOL. :D thanks e-hui and jasmine for being my confidents. :D haha thanks alot alot alot, wouldnt have survived it without you guys.

oh quote of the week:

"i also didnt managed to finish question 3! D: was doing halfway then time's up liao." -pauses- "but that was after i finished question 1 and 2 lah." -IAN CHUA on our chem promo paper, essay questions.

oh by the way, sorry brudder shengjie, looking back i realised i've been pretty mean to you this whole week, never failing to niao you everyday (oops. ><) haha. but aiyaaaa you're too easy to bully liao, if you're being bullied by me. jiu4 shi4 yi1 ge4 hao3 ren2! :D

----

jiawei just cheered my disastrous night up by talking to me after i told him about tmr. hahah I FOUND HIS HIDDEN SUPER POWERRR. LOL. like totally. now we're both having fun with http://www.cesmes.fi/ LOL.

jiawei says:
D:
haha
then die la chain effect
okay lets play who-takes-lesser-turns-to-finish-the-game-wins-sth
[hcband <3 siew] says:
LOL
jiawei says:
:D haha i'm like a small kid la
[hcband <3 siew] says:
EHHHH i left this oneeeeeeeee small disc i cannot change the color D:
jiawei says:
haha YA I GOT 2
cause they're both pointing outwards
then i change like 90% of the picture alrdy
then i'm like wtf wtf wtf ahahhaa
[hcband <3 siew] says:
lol
hahah a
YAYYYY 11 TURNS.
jiawei says:
omg this is like DISASTER
hahaha i'm gonna restart i'm at 28 turns D:

you get what i mean HAHA. thanks to him, if he ever comes here. i was really upset about tmr before, (pretty much to the point of cursing swearing and emoing) but then now he cheered me up LOL.

2009-09-28T23:39:00.003+08:00

Every time I fall down on my face
I see the one who bore all my shame
Well To know that you are everything I need you to be
You're my ever present help in time of need

I know you understand it all
So why don't I get back on my feet again
I know you understand it all
So why don't I get back on my feet again
I know you understand it all

-jeremy camp, Understand

thanks brudders yongquan and shengjie, sista e-hui, david and peter today for bearing me and my intolerable sickness. >< thanks for all the care and concern, what would i do without you guys man.

talked to yeo kexin. i think she's just instigating her own demise at this rate.

tmr is pon school day. im currently out of my "blur and unconscious" mode from my fever, but when i go to sleep i'll slip back into that "blur and unconscious" mode again. gg.

okay i shall go off to chiong integration, read lectures 1-3 for econs. D:

2009-09-27T23:36:00.003+08:00

school, family, friends, class, cca, cousins, teachers, sisters, friends, "friends"...

urgh. hurt comes from everywhere. anytime.

2009-09-25T23:27:00.004+08:00

koped from daryl's blog.

these few days have been of high and lows, though it wasnt really obvious.

many thanks to jiaming for teaching me math and nelson for teaching me chem. :D thanks to brudders for accompanying me home almost everyday after mugging in school till late. :D <3

managed to catch with kexin and jasmine for abit! :D happy happy. and was fighting with yeo kexin over her purple balloon! >< hahaha of childish desires again lol.

yesterday's pick-up was really fun. zi-highed like siao. just needed to let everything go, let it all out. >< went crazy playing, was cheering like siao for weijie (the smaller ninja! LOL), danette (the superwoman WHOOO!), shengjie and nicholas the zai people! and almost everyone else at the sidelines with cynthia hahaha. zihighhhh omgg.

was really tired, even had leg cramps after that for idk what reason but it was really fun. XD it's good to be on field playing with your teammates again. <3

Jeremy Camp- Understand

Every time I fall down on my face
I see the one who bore all my shame
Well To know that you are everything I need you to be
You're my ever present help in time of need

Chorus
I know you understand it all
So why don't I get back on my feet again
I know you understand it all
So why don't I get back on my feet again
I know you understand it all

Every pain I feel inside my heart
It takes a faith I know I can't depart
Well To know that you hear every cry I raise to you
Bringing thoughts of hope the words I bring I know are few

Chorus

Will you hear me when I call
Were you there when I fall
Will you hear me when I call
Will you hear me when I call
Were you there when I fall
Will you hear me when I call

Will you hear me when I call
Will you hear me when I call
I am yours
Will you hear me when I call
Will you hear me when I call
I am yours

So why don't I get back on my feet again
I know you understand it all
So why don't I get back on my feet again
I know you understand it all
So why don't I get back on my feet again
I know you understand it all

love his voice! :D

went to clarke quay with david and peter today for "One Giant Leap", a parkour event. seeing all the fellow traceurs pulling off stunts, kinda scary but still zai. lol. haha. watched them scale walls, jump over railings, jump from places to places, learnt how to break fall. (oh the both of you better teach me how to break fall man i wanna learn!) really cool. met some primary school classmate there too.

after that went off to bishan library to study. peter koh couldnt stop niaoing me. -.- and david wasnt helping (thanks arh). peter was totally teaching david the tactics of making me laugh/smile/crackup LOL. zzz totally niaooooo. ayeee i just let him play along cause i was kinda tired, then i had to go home, and the 2 of them decided to come over to study.

studied in the room with the 2 guys from like 4 till 8. did more of intellectual talking i guess. discussing KI and life. like you may just want to heck about others and just do what you like to do or enjoy in life. but what you enjoy or like to do might not be the right thing to do. then what is the right thing to do? talked about the essence of existence, and really makes someone a good person, or what defines wrong from right. ><

discussed how science and religion may actually exist together. like they may exist simultaneously and not conflict if you dont put them together. or you can know logic and reason and still have faith, cause you might know science but still choose to believe in religion. it's the choice that matters, cause ultimately, a person who know science would still need to have his own character, morals and faith. and moral and faith might originate from one's beliefs in religion. so why not?

later i learnt abit of physics from them (while trying to study bio HAHA.) before the both of them kiddos left for home.

the next time we meet we'll do parkour, and go lan together HAHA.
loves, you guys never fail to make me smile. :D

2009-09-21T17:35:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA OMG DARN CUTE. :D

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

:DDD THE KID WHO SLAPPED HIMSELF. :D

2009-09-21T14:53:00.002+08:00

taken on MAF day, during pvsp. :DDD
these are the people i love. <3

MAF was hectic, with pvsp in the morning. it's really heartening to see your batchmates fighting on the field and giving their all against their very own seniors. i was getting high watching their spectacular plays from the class wing with nelson, shaun, e-hui and david lah. remember nelson d-ing daryl, yongquan (the ninja!) and shengjie (the superman! HAHA) fighting hard against each other, weijie, d-ing marcus. omg the adrenaline must be unimaginable.

e-hui said i was getting high from the kerosene that they was using to make the fireball, but i couldnt help it, not when you feel this burning sense of passion for the game deep within you, and you feel their adrenaline, just by watching your brudders play on field, without even touching the disc. you feel this sense of pride swelling up from deep within you for how far your own batch has come from the times we couldnt even flick or catch properly. :D

MAF at night was fun, but tiring. spent it with david and peter (LOVES! :D), caught up with both of them for some stuffs, then played sparklers with sista, and brudders :DDD weijie, ian, yongquan and jonny kept trying to burn things up hahaha, weijie even lit his own disc on fire! hahaha (thinks weijie the terrorist LOL.) ian used kerosene (i think. >< )to spell HCULT and weijie lit it with fire, and all of us just had fun watching the blue flames dance around, remembering the burning passion that each and every one of us there had for the game itself. :D

even managed to see yanyi and shaun tho, haha. so the night was fun filled with pretty scenes of sparklers, lanterns, fountain, and good company. :D was tiring though, went home and fell asleep immediately. ><

more details when i get the photos from peter, :D and i want the photo of the HCULT flame leh, brudder send me! :D

-------

someone cheered me by sending me this song.

justin bieber - ONE TIME

haha sounds like another bill! he's like 15. and he's signed on with records with usher. win liao.

it's been long since i've last talked to you. it's even longer since i last saw you. what, 4, 5 years? i can't believe what you feel still holds. after so long.

that's when i realised, love waits. patiently.

2009-09-20T22:26:00.002+08:00

i've come to realise that "再见" isnt a really a good translation for "goodbye".

"再见" means we'll meet each other again. some day, some how.

"goodbye" means forever.

2009-09-19T00:46:00.007+08:00

i want sparklersssss! :DDDDD
thankfully han sheng told me where i could get some, so tmr is saved! :D

-----

the past week has been kinda eventful, mugging with brudders and teammates after school every day. many thanks to brudder shengjie, yongquan and ian, who never ever fail to cheer me up. :D hahaha. going home together and whatnot. sorry brudder shengjie for always always alwaysssss troubling you. ><

yongquan: "this year where got winter league?"
oli: "got what, just need you, me and jonny to form a team then got winter league liao lah! 3 people form one team. :D"
jonny: "haha no still got one more person!"
oli: o.O "who?"
jonny: "iris! because iris KOH (cold)!"

mugged with weijie, jasmine, shengjie, yongquan on most days, then would find time to HTHT with david hahahaha. lol. hmm. (jiayou for tmr/today! :D) missed the seniors especially e-hui alot. ><

today was kinda fun. went to makan with szemin during the first break, then saw nelson and xinyu's class people flicking in the field, with kexin inside! hahaha lol.

then during lunch went to flick lol. marcus suggested that we played disc in cause it was raining, so melvin, henry, kevin and xinmei formed a team, with me, marcus, damien and ivan on the other team. darn fun and everyone was just superrrrr zihigh omggg hahaha. laughed alot at marcus and melvin's stupid stuffs hahah. but then when i got the disc, i did a super lan throw to marcus and it flew down to the field. D: everyone was like omggg GG. then suddenly henry chionged down into the field IN THE HEAVY RAIN to help me get the disc omggggg. ><

flicked with brudders after CT again. flicked with oli, shengjie, yongquan, ian, nelson and weijie. yongquan is like super zai lahhh! i can't fake pass him. DDD: lol now yongquan brudder's my new idol. NINJAAAAA HAHAHAA. super pro. though chao ren thinks that he's better LOL. haha we'll see tmr. (or in a few hour's time. :D )

after that left with CT for gems at udders ice cream! :D was zi-highing on the bus with szemin, yiling, siying, phuong and uyen LOL. paired up with szemin for the ice cream making, made vanilla ice cream together! :DDD

then junde came to join phuong and bojia at our table, and his appearances caused disasters to happen. seriously. we were supposed to put our ice cream mixed into the ice packs and then roll or massage them. once junde appeared, phuong spilled ice water from her ice pack. then junde's ice pack started leaking. -.- when he finally got another bag to contain his leaking ice pack, he forgot to ziplock the ice pack and hence he spilled his ice water. EPIC MAN 3 accidents since his appearance LOL.

oh and i saw this! :D

DARN CUTE LAHHH I WANTTT. :DDD but sadly they dont sell the shirts, but their employees wear them hahaha. omggg i should totally go work for them so i can wear their shirt! :DDD

after making the ice cream, we started our ice cream buffet! :DDDD our whole class was flooding the parlour lahhh seriously. just went to try everything. in the end sze min and i ordered like hazelnut, strawberry, cookies and cream, caramel, chocmarsh, mango. darn niceeee omggg. and hahah we had 2 waffles. bihyee ordered this lava chocolate drink which was super heavenly. koped some of nat's earlgrey and tiramisu ice cream, omggggg darnn niceee lahhhh :DDDD and haha bailey's was heavenly, but too much alcohol LOL. tiramisu also got liqour. ><>

oh naughty yiling and siying went to order 2 scoops of ice which contained rating 7 amount of liqour for ms yeo omgggg. hahahah. then ms yeo eat already nothing happen. -.- ayeee. then the guys were all chionging the liqour contained ice creams -.- ayeeee.

camwhored abit haha, got high with szemin, eat ice cream, stoned, dreamed, then the whole thing ended with taking a class photo. was super zi high after all that sugar, (especially the orange chocolate liqour icecream LOL) then left for grandma's. :DDD

----

okay kinda feel conflicted about tmr. there's pvp, which im SADLY DDD: not playing for, and then there's MAF, which i really dont know what to expect, who to find, who i need or can hang out with. i kinda just wanna go to school to see teammates and brudders play, see szemin, siying, christabel and junde perform, and just enjoy teammates' company. (if there is, hopefully ><) hoping to find peter koh and ky there also (zoo people! :D), then hopefully david's thingum goes well hahaha. aye we'll see.

just trying not to expect too much, cause i dont want to be disappoint. :/ just really want to see faces (brudders, peter, ky david), feel their presence and be assured again.

2009-09-13T23:06:00.004+08:00

qianwen just told me her story.

i conclude life sucks. D:

"JC totally screws up our lives. D:" -sok

i mean really. D: why does this keep happening to us.
roarrr. and it's hard not to think about it.

heh im sorry i cant really help you. ><

though a big part of your life is gone, you still have to find the strength to carry on.

forget it, it's over, get on with life.

-----

by this week, i need to:

chiong finish chem (plus rainbow series)
finish microeconomics
get differentiation and integration right.
finish binomial. ._.
finish lipids, cabohydrates, DNA, proteins, cell division, cell membrane and structures.
GP- arts, science and technology, media.

by next week:

finish econs,
finish 3/4 of bio
chem papers. (practice practice practice!)
math papers.
GP! read read read. argue argue argue.

my "study schedule" tells me im freaking screwed. D:

die die die.

by the way i just slacked my whole weekend away. D: wth die liao.

im addicted to watching dance videos! :D cribwalking omg niceeee. :D hahahah.

okay i need to focus.

school reopen le, DIE LIAO.

2009-09-12T21:56:00.003+08:00

Oh don't laugh. Never say never, because fears, like limits, are just an illusion.
-Michael Jordon

:D respect!

edit:

oh dont call/message me for these days cause my phone's sent for repair. so yup. should be fine after tuesday/wednesday.

slacked the whole day away, went to temple to pray to grandma, then came home for tuition. fail. i still dont get ap/gp D: die.

i need to:

finish chem bonding
finish econs tutorial
do econs DRQ question 4
write econs essay outline (DDDDD:)
do huihua's /junhao's cards
do BINOMIAL darn it.
finish elasticity. (hello this has been there since wednesday. ._.)
study chem periodicity and energetics by wednesday! (PRACTICEEE)
finish brudder's extra stoichio practices.
get differentiation basics by tuesday.
start on bioo. ._.
I&R!!!!!!

blue by tonight/this morning HAHA.

orange by tmr.

okay MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG.

/edit

2009-09-11T23:08:00.003+08:00

from here

me: i feel evil. DD:
david: you ARE evil! everyone is evil!

so none of us can be good cause every one of us is evil.
we can only strive to be less evil? o.O

hmmm. ><

-----

mugged in school today with jasmine, yongquan, shengjie and kexin (who left earlier) haha. quite productive, managed to mug finish stoichiometry, atomicity and redox of chem, and did the revision lectures. (with loads of help from brudder again, thanks so much. :DDDD) now it's just finish chem bonding, and the extra stoichio exercises that i got from brudder, cause i cant do stoichio. ._. need to finish binomial before math tutor comes in tmr, then just spam questions during the tuition ayeee.

kexin was darn hilarious today, hahahah she made me lose my concentration, then i cannot mug lah zzzz.

kexin: -picks up green math revision booklet, looks at the cover and exclaims-
"OOHHHHH I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS QUESTION! :D"
-stares at the comic and says happily to herself-
"2+7= 9 omg im so smart! :DDD"

awhile later...

"omg i just wrote 3+7=11 HAHAHAHHA."

EPIC.

lunch was eating cup noodles with jasmine and brudder, then wenqi came to crash with her food hahaha. saw kanzy, henry, yangxuan and marcus again lol. oh then there was shengjie niaoing and laughing at me for not knowing how to operate our school's photocopiers. ._. ayeee.

oh by the way, nelson's scary. he managed to mug chem finish in 3 days wts?!?! im so screwed lah. pressure pressure pressure. ><

----

my temper's been flying. ><

dear friend, (but i doubt you'd read this.)

im sorry. D:

im sorry about this morning, sorry i couldnt understand your situation more, sorry i cant be of more help.
im sorry i havent really been there when you needed someone, sorry i cant be the one who helps you to release your stress and let it all out.

we've come this far together, we'll make it through together.
we will we will we will.

jiayou okay, im alway a phonecall away. ><

---

i really need to master number 2 on the list of 5 things to do in life.

forgive.

others before self.

2009-09-10T22:43:00.002+08:00

been mugging in school with jiaming, shengjie, and jasmine in school for the past 2 days. haha jiaming kept disturbing all of us, cause he just refused to do work. but then he was helpful when you've got questions, cause he'll just help you solve. win liao, so smart no need to mug. hahah.

oh i owe brudder shengjie alot. >< heh sorry i kept troubling you. ._. ayeee.
thanks to the three of them for helping me so much for the past 2 days, mugging together, motivating me, and haha answering all my doubts. :DDD thanks, wouldnt have survived without you guys. :D

----

i kinda wish time would stop now.

now, when we can just joke and random around about anything hahaha, niao each other about the smallest things, and just spend time together.

i fear the future.

everyone i know is seeking and harbouring for that something. that something more.
i fear to know where i would stand then.

then i would be nothing.
i would be nothing compared to them.

i fear that everyone would have found their place in the future, and i wouldnt have found mine.
i fear that it would happen in the future.
or is it already happening now?

2009-09-08T21:15:00.004+08:00

hahah so true. >< just that now, my mind need to stop following my heart, and my heart needs to start listening to my mind. FOCUS DEAR.
once again, others before self.

pretty pretty pretty. :DD

today is a happy day! :DD im quite proud of myself. :D -egos HAHA- cause i sort of managed to finish up vectors! :D and started on graphs. i should finish inequalities, graphs and tutorial 7B by the end of this week, start on binomial and differentiation soon! :DDD JIAYOU ~~MAN~~ GIRL YOU CAN DO IT. :DDD

i think mugging with jasmine or brudder in school is darn effective. it doesnt work if im mugging alone, cause i'll just slack. but idk, somehow mugging in their presence pressures me to work harder. or just NOT SLACK. and continue mugging. do question after question, page after page. :DDD yayyy.

anywayy, kexin was supposed to go out with jasmine on a date, but i sort of crashed bah HAHAHA. cause kexin didnt know i was in school LOL. so the 3 of us went to lunch together at coro. had alot of fun and catching up. met sijie and zeilia, and band juniors there. apparently nyband was having band outing hahahah.

"can you please tell the juniors to study hard now? cause when they come to jc, they'll never study as hard again. they'll just waste their time thinking about other unimportant stuff, like what we're doing now." -kexin.

hmm. hahaha. talked much. :D then kexin and i zi-high over stupid stuff, like the ball ball thing! HAHAH. idk what it's called. but zzz omg yeo kexin spent 3 bucks on those kiddy stuff (okay lah she gave one to me. :D) and she wasted a buck cause SHE BROKE ONE OF THE TOYS. omggg darn hilarious i couldnt stop laughing at her. cause before that she was like telling me not to break it when i tried to help her open, then in the end she broke it herself. WIN.

then we bought bubble tea. ._. epic man. she helped me poke the straw, then FAIL, cause she couldnt poke the straw into the drink, and the chocolate milk tea just kept spilling out. zzzz the whole world was staring at us 2 hysterical girls trying to poke a stupid straw into the cup of chocolate milk tea. -.- wts.

met kanzy, yangxuan and henry, then all of us walked back to hc together. talked to kexin about stuffs for awhile again, hahah omggg that girl arh. zzzz. then kexin went back and i went back to join shengjie (who came later), jasmine and henry to mugg. :DD

yay today was quite productive i guess. happy happy. :D then council was doing the preparations for MAF also. so cool! putting up lanterns and stuff. :DD

jasmine left at about 5.30, then shengjie and i continued working till 7 before we left home. hahahah shengjie did something darn hilarious i couldnt stop laughing. talk to himself over the phone LOL. hahahah nvm we all act silly sometimes. :D

oh man it's been long since i've been this happy. or cheerful at least.
today is a happy day, because i think at last, i've sort of managed to let go. (:

haha today's company helped me take the stuff off my mind. :D
thanks jasmine, shengjie and kexin! :DDD LOVES! <3

2009-09-08T01:26:00.003+08:00

from here

which proves my point exactly. (:

-----

i PHAILLL.

i spent my night listening and getting addicted to tokio hotel's automatisch. :DD
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. :DDDDD

it's an anthem worth listening to, worth getting my heart worked up for, cause it sort of reflects my feelings, and it helped to take my mind of some stuffs. :D

hear those guitar riffs, those heavy drum beats! ROCKKKKKK ON! :DDD
LOVEEEEE! <3

-----

i read qian's blog.

she's giving up.
like always, she's so decisive and on it.

i cant.
how i wish i could be like her.
JUST CUT THAT ONE PERSON OUT OF MY LIFE. forget whatever happened, pretended i never felt that way before.

it's freaking tiring. it's dumb.
i feel dumb. im just wasting my time.

urghhh im so freaking stupid.
why am i so weak. D:

2009-09-07T20:08:00.004+08:00

is it nature's way of helping us find our paths?
secretly pointing out directions to us, just that we didnt know.

talked to peter til 3 am this morning over the phone. :D loves. haha it's been long since we last talk.

there's so much similarities between us. our problems, most of them of the same situations. >< though he doesnt tell me what exactly his problems are about, i guess i kinda know. some of them perhaps, not all.

i hope i did understand. i'd really not be fit to be called your friend if i didnt. that's the least i could do, not knowing what you've been up to, after not seeing you for such a long time, the least i could do was hear you out, be that someone you'd confide in, and really try to understand your situation.

maybe i've been really selfish. always just thinking about me and myself.
urghhhh others before self, others before self.

anyway, thanks. :D what you said last night, i guess those words were what i wanted to hear.
reassurance. to know that we're still here for each other. <3

we need to broaden our visions.
the world is big out there.

went to school for econs this morning, then stayed back to mug abit. did managed to talk abit with nat for awhile, cause we lunched together hahaha. then met kexin in school, and once again, we just sat down to talk, to hear her out again. (:

haha maybe it's coincidental or what, but so many of us are troubled over the SAME issue zzzz. like kexin, qian, me, peter, brudder. we all know this isnt the right time, but we're still into it, we just cant get rid of it. ._. urgh. D:

focus, focus. ><

went back up to mug math. fail lah. cannot do 7B at all. D: saw e-hui, kanzy, hiippy and sijie hahaha. then met yangxuan and marcus who helped me abit. then i left school at about 3. :/

----

reading someone else's post that reflects my own feelings somehow always leaves me feeling conflicted.

somehow, it feels like de javu to know how he or she is feeling, cause you've felt it too, or rather, you're going through it too.
but the pain and hurt, or the sense of loss you've felt, it's certainly something whicn you hope your friends dont have to go through. D:

and then again, you feel lost and hopeless, cause you cant do anything to help minimise that sickening feeling for your friend either. ._. sucks.

"i will always remember what qian told me. 'don't put him as your priority, if you're not his. it's not worth it.' " -kexin

uhh hahah i dont know what to feel.

loads of us reminisce the old times we had with our close ones, our loved ones. the memories made but times lost. :/

i guess it acts as a reminder for me to really treasure those around me now.
for me, even though i might not be their priority, i dont see why they cant be mine?
though i might not be of the utmost importance to them, i guess it's the gratitude towards them that leaves me putting them as my priority. i owe it to them.

yup, live now. not in the past or in the future.
treasure every moment i have with them now. (:

2009-09-06T21:13:00.006+08:00

wie lange?

how long have i dreamt of this.
in germany, in deutschland.

like a scene from a dream, a fairytale.
so idealistic, yet it actually exists.

jiaming got me hooked onto r chord once again. :D hahahah.

谢和弦 - 过来人
作词：谢和弦作曲：谢和弦

我们要学会珍惜要珍惜爱情
不要把真心当作游戏
我们要学会珍惜要珍惜自己
不要再让下个爱你的人殇心

还记不记得那天好聚好散
我好心要递面纸给你你却爱面子不拿
我们之间还有多少心里的话
三杯黄汤下肚之后再继续说吧

与其说我们都是过来人
不如说我们都曾经当过烂人
不得不承认我们都不是乖宝宝好学生
可是不代表不能进化成更好的人

一起努力过曾经追求过的梦
不管过了多久都牢记在心中
不需再多说一个拥抱就够
我的眼神只有你懂它代表什麼

一起在岁月里面酌不完的酒
不管现在未来我们成不成功
此刻的拥有是我的身边
还有你们这些朋友

love the lyrics. love the song. haha the mv is quite LOL. but really meaningful. (:

:DDD an anthem to the starsss!

after some family outing to the dairy farm nature reserve, where my shoes got very pretty (covered in mud), i was messaging peter. :D

me: walao im angry. D: my parents complain that im too short.

peter: WALAO. TELL THEM TO LOOK AT ME HAHA.

me: they dont know you. ._. haiya they say im fat and short. -.- and im darn guy. GREAT. now i have to learn to be girlish.

peter: you were girly to start with. then brudder brudder lol. haha i like the girly sy. much nicer.

me: zzz how to be more girlyy. hang out less with brudders. ><

peter: lol or get your brudders to be more girly. :)

me: HAHAHAHAH YEA RIGHT. I INFLUENCE MY 5 BRUDDERS TO BE MORE GIRLYY. WELL DONE.

peter: hahah not a bad notion right! :)

okay im fat and short. and guyish. come peter koh. make me more girlyyy. ._. ZZZZZZ.

heh, sorry i couldnt go study with you today. >< had tuition, and zzzzz family outinggg ._.

but did managed to go mug in school with david and e-hui yesterday. :DDDD there was some university of warwick holding their summer games in our school, so you could see all the uni people playing frisbee and soccer and netball LOL.

then in the morning marcus said melvin and him were watching them play frisbee, then they took their own disc and started flicking. then the uni people started watching and pointing at them and they too started too flick. then marcus and melvin started to do floor-bounce. LOL. ownedd.

did math with david, while e-hui mugged her physics. was so much tempted to just go down and flick, watching others flick while i had to study, but thankfully david and e-hui stopped me. hahah.

david left at 1.30, then e-hui and i continued to mug (with some sleep in between)until about 4 till we saw melvin and friend haha. both of them darn cute lah, they went down to flick abit while e-hui and i finished up mugging, then went to flick also. :DDD yayyy happy happy. flicked until about 5 then e-hui and i left to eat ice creamm! :DDD

tried swirl's gelato for the first time, and i quite like the hazelnut. :D hahah nice nice nice.

-----

by the way, remember this?

well, kim lan's back, with another graffiti, featuring tom kaulitz's new look. :DDD

omggg pretty pretty eyes. :DDD loveee! <3
she took like 3 days to complete it, done near paris. omggg talented.

pretty pretty features. oh and nice lip ringggg. :D liebe! hahahaha.

kay off to bed, there's econs tmr morning. then mug in school again. must do vectors and 7B mannn. and chem equilibrium!

2009-09-05T00:38:00.004+08:00

from vi.sualize.us

remember those times we had at the beach?

i saw ky today.
"heyy it's been long since we've last met. oh no i just met you a couple of days ago." -ky.

擦身而过

suddenly the world seems so big. we're studying in the same school, but time makes fools of us. we hardly see each other and it's been long, so long since we've last had a good talk. we've probably changed, so much so we dont even know each other anymore.

you've become a familiar face i recognise in the crowd, someone i once connected with, but now a stranger.
i dont know who you are anymore.

& no this isnt your fault.
it's mine.

------

from vi.sualize.us

quite alot going on lately. did surgery and got retainers today. moodswing like siao the whole day until after school lol. the ct session was fun though. :D cool stuff!

lunched with sista, omggg missed her much. >< feels weird not being able to see her in school haha. talked about stuff, thought about stuffs hahaha.

after school was kinda disastrous, learning so much from her. she's proven that life can be so dramatic. a 180 degrees change from the day before. who really knows what tmr brings, where we would be in a few years time, or just next year? how many of us will still be together, treasure the times we once had and relieve these memories?

i felt so dumb. so helpless, useless. urgh. i felt bad. i've let her down, when she was distressed from time to time again, i just wasnt there.

i dont want it to happen again. things change so drastically. i dont know when's the next time i'll ever see her again. who knows, the next time she'll probably in america, she'll probably only tell me like a week before she flies off, and i'll just panic again.

talked to david for quite abit. >< thanks alot for accompanying me <3 thanks loadss.

today was totally mass talking session lah. after david just talked to e-hui then jasmine hahah. thanks jiaming for cheering me up with his songs! and then talked to oli also hahahah. :DDD

went down to flick abit with oli after that, before both shengjie and oli went to sub in for the last match point in their pick-ups. then jiaming came to flick with me instead. helped me alot alot alot with hammers omg thankss. :DDD yayyy. cheered up by flicking (once again LOL) and yup, the day ended rather happily. :DD thanks to the people there for me. :DD love loads.

the night before, went down to macs to study with hansheng. total fail lah, both of us started talking about our school lives and haha frisbee. :DDD it seems that RJ is like super open. ._. zzzzz and hwachong very conservative. i feel blessed to be here then, it'd be rather scary to be in RJ if it was really what he described it to be; guys pulling each others' pants down, and guys piggybacking girls, running along corridors yada yada yada. quite scary. O.O

tmr's back to school, mugging with peter, david and e-hui. yayyy i miss peter much. :D cant wait.

-------

"what dumbledore said was right. it was my friends that saved me."
"and they're all that's worth to keep fighting for." -harry potter

"always look on the bright side of life! focus on the positive things. :DDDD" -david

----

oh by the way, tokio hotel's automatic MV is rather disappointing for me. D:
i mean, knowing it's TOKIO HOTEL, i would have expected something more powerful, impactful and unique then what they produced?

what they had was rather okay. nice set, stage, beautiful scenery, big machines and robots, CARS. but it seemed like a remake of transformers to me. ._. no originality! >< and i would have liked more scenes of the cars, or something more fanciful with them LOL hahah.

okay lah, at least i got to see tom. :DDD HAHA. eye candyy!

2009-09-03T19:59:00.002+08:00

germany, the place of inspirations.

Automatich- tokio hotel

english translations:

So automatic
You're like a machine
Your heart beats no more for me

So automatic
Your hands touch me
Feel everything, but not you

So automatic
Your Voice - Electrical
Where were you when she speaks?

So automatic
As you say, I'm important to you
who programmed you?

Chorus:
When you laugh
You don't laugh
When you cry
You don't weep
When you feel
You feel nothing
Because you're without love

How automatic
I race through all the streets
And they don't lead to you

How automatic
When i follow your shadow
Now too cold for me

You're like
Remote
Static and
Mechanical
So automatic

Chorus

Your look so empty
I can no longer be
Everything to you
As rehearsed
You stand before me
but you're no longer here.

lovelovelove.
i fell in love with tokiohotel again. LOL.

----

today was rather okay. thanks jiaming for teaching me AP/GP, and shengjie for lending me his tutorials omggg. thanks thanks. :DDD

okay now i shall go down to mug.

2009-09-02T22:43:00.003+08:00

focus on 1, 2, 3, & 4.

[hcband <3 siew] says:
zzz
i foresee this week to be a long one
it's like living a life full of anxiety and nothing else
all you can feel is ANXIETY ANXIETY ANXIETY
you feel it in your head your heart your stomach your fingers EVERYWHERE.
it's just overwhelming you
until you diminish into nothingnesss
zzzz ignore me cause HAIYA idk what im doingggg.

-stab stab stab- D:

these are times where i really hate myself.
._.
focus. FOCUS.

2009-09-02T20:40:00.005+08:00

hmmmm.

♣♦ 华[桥] ♥♠ hauntho. says:
poke.
[hcband <3 siew] says:
?
♣♦ 华[桥] ♥♠ hauntho. says:
nothing. felt really stressed out by life.
[hcband <3 siew] says:
whyyy ><
♣♦ 华[桥] ♥♠ hauntho. says:
because
of pw
and because
of promos
pw 'cos it's a freaking grade, promos 'cos it determines whether i can take H3 or not
im not a ben ng
blah.

i think shaun speaks for all of us, if not most.

[hcband <3 siew] says:
i want H3 chemmm DD:
♣♦ 华[桥] ♥♠ hauntho. says:
not much better.
ME TOO.
):
let's mug really really hard.
[hcband <3 siew] says:
OKAY WE MUG HARD TOGETHER :D

haha it's been so long since i last talked to that guy. hmmm.
now it seems like it's just the same old days, us complaining about life to each other, and in turn trying to spur each other on.
it's been long, but it's happening again.

33 more days.

we'll be okay. :DD
just mug hard now.

----

anyway my love for tokio hotel has rekindled! :D

tokio hotel- Übers Ende der Welt (ready set go!)

Achtug, fertig, los und lauf,
Attention, ready, go and run
vor uns bricht der Himmel auf.
Ahead of us the sky breaks open
Wir schaffen es zusammen,
We’ll do it together
Übers Ende dieser Welt,
Over the end of the world
die hinter uns zerfällt.
Which is falling to pieces behind us

love love love. :D
okay now mug. need to finish econs, 7A, and maybe study vectors and chem equilibrium.

2009-09-02T02:21:00.003+08:00

oh hell. how could i have forgetten.

teachers' day in singapore meant bill and tom's birthdayyyyy!
this means my liking for them has really died down. after so long, like erm, 2 years? LOL.

but i still love their songs. and im still waiting for their new single to be released. im waiting to hear tom's beautiful guitar riffs again, get enchanted by the music, fall in love with germany again.

roarrr i forgot. ._.
and the only reason why im still up is cause im studying for tmr's chem class test. ._. zzzz.

2009-09-01T22:53:00.004+08:00

Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world that one song stays the same, just like that moment. Which is pretty amazing, when you actually think about it.

— Just Listen (via jayalzacee)

from itsybitsyspider.tumblr.com

i've always loved lifehouse's blind.

i've always thought i knew what the lyrics meant.
but no.

His dad left his mom, his sister and himself and it had a huge impact on him. Some of his songs reflect his feelings about that. His father is a marriage counselor!

hahaha (insert sacarstic laughter)

life's ironic, life's dramatic. sometimes wayy too much.

the acoustic version's super uber nice too. :DDDD

i love the guitar in this song. :DDD omgg i wanna learn guitarrrrr. though it doesnt have fantastic or wowing guitar riffs (like what tom kaulitz (!!!) always does in tokio hotel's songs.) but the guitar part is calming and soothing enough. love love love. :D

----

i feel so dumb.
all the while i've thought it was fake, but no. suddenly it's true. and it's the truth that's been staring back in my face all along.
just that i've been too blind, or maybe just in denial to acknowledge it.

we're turning in circles, only to find it's really just a circle.

it's so painful. suddenly i realised i dont know you at all.
we're so close, but so distant.

it's time to let go.

it's time i learn to live not in the past, not in the future-
but now. live now, live in the present.

2009-09-01T14:20:00.003+08:00

from vi.sualize.us.com

it's never enough.

-------

saw some stuffs on that site, one which read LOVE= LIKE X LIKE.
and i remember myself debating with david what love is.

maybe love is just an obsession; it's not something that we all seek for, but it's something that we're all obsessed with.

subconsciously, we all "seek to find" that feeling of being in love, the feeling of being loved, but not love itself.

it's an obsession very few of us can get rid of, and even for some whom we think are already rid of it, are subconsciously finding our way back into that feeling.

it's an obsession, so much so that the few of us whom think or know it isn't really love, are still stuck with it.

maybe there isn't such thing as love at all.
or else there wouldn't be things like breakups or divorces.

------

yesterday was eventful, with shengjie trying to get frisbee people to dance and zihigh together during mass dance but fail, cause people like oli and jiajie just went to camp at the 4th floor LOL. zihighed with my class girls instead, danced with szemin! :DD

crashed teachers' day concert in the audi with brudders ian, shengjie, oli, jiajie, jiaming and sista e-hui, with their friend wangchi. was just totally randoming around, with ian and shengjie niaoing each other, laming around, and then jiajie and oli niaoing about almost everything. had much fun laughing at them, jiajie makes the most hilarious remarks about the smallest things man. (epecially the malay dance) LOL! then don and jingwei trying to imitate super junior was darn hilarious, all of us were laughing like siao.

talking with kexin and qian yesterday in nanyang made me rethink my situation haha.
funnily enough, the three of us are in vastly different situations, but so much so still fretting over the same issue ._. learning about theirs made me reflect on mine, how much more i differ from their situation, which was actually not much. ._. cause ultimately, it's still the same issue. and both qianwen and i still very much in the same situation, though she's better off than me, and kexin in a vastly different situation, much worse off then me. ><

going back to nanyang made me feel so much more at home, seeing the juniors (mianjun, sharky, tabby, celine, liting, sandy etc etc etc.), the familiar faces, the exciting teachers! lol. and of course (and naturally), kexin, qianwen and i started going crazy once we got back to nanyang and saw it each other LOL. we totally acted like kids again, both of them with their "I TELL YOU I TELL YOU!" or "LISTEEENNNNNN TOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" hahahaha totally. talking and laughing at the top of our voices while eating icecream ("OMG OMG LET'S GO BUY ICE CREAMMMMM VERY LONG NEVER EAT LE.") in the empty canteen, cause nothing else mattered. it was really good to be hanging out with them once again, talking about stupid stuffs, bickering over the smallest and stupidest things, and listening to their silliest stories like the "flower of hatred" (LOL!), becoming the "tree of hatred" ! HAHAHA.

kexin went back soon after, then i accompanied dear qianwen to coro where she met up with her class. ._. she totally dragged me around with her class cause she was the only girl there and she didnt want to be the only girl there. ._. zzzz. then we were supposed to go curry wok to eat, but then her class guys complained that curry wok was full so they stoned outside starbucks bickering over where to go for lunch. (and all the while shengjie, jiaming and david were at curry wok LOL.)

went off to beauty world after that, bought macs for lunch then went down to irc, where i met jiaming and jax hahah. :D waited for coms cause there wasnt any, then jiajie was playing pool with his sec 4 classmates lol. david messaged me to say he saw me left the coro busstop lol. fated.

then after that some of jiaming's friends came, many who i dont know, then suddenly there were like 12 of us waiting for coms to lan together. ZZZZ. super sian diao. they left after waiting for 20 minutes or so, and then shengjie, jiaming and i continued waiting lol. met people like nelson, jiajie (band) hongguang, yongquan brudder, don and JUNDE (hello best friend! :D). waited somemore until oli came with xining, yuhui and wangchi.

so in the end 9 of us, (shengjie, jiajie, oli, yuhui, xining, wangchi, me, ivan and qihan) managed to get coms and played together lol. played cs at first, where yuhui and i were just at loggerheads; either he killed me or i killed him LOL. then oli was owning lol. then changed to play dota, where shengjie helped me alot cause i didnt know how to play at all. liwen came later and helped me alot too, until he decided to join us in the game. then the 10 of us were playing dota, i was dying like siao cause again, stupid yuhui was bullying me hahaha. then jiaming, kevin, thomson and someone else whom i didnt know came down from pool and jiaming helped me play LOL. hahaha.

went home a short while after. was with shengjie at the busstop until we met yongquan there too. (LOL fate again) then took 67 home together. :D

was darn tired, i just plopped down on my bed and slept when i reached home. ._. so dumb lah.

-------

The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when Sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and go, “No, I’m happy for you”? That’s when it’s really sad.

— John Mayer (via creampuff) (via succette)

from itsybitsyspider.tumblr.com

so much to say, but some things just aren't meant to be said.
when the time comes, i'll be happy for you.

2009-08-31T22:49:00.004+08:00

fell in love with jon schmidt's love story meets viva la vida all over again.
the cello and the piano! :DDD love love love.
somehow i miss the feeling of being on stage, the performance and the audiences' applause.

----

the sky's been very blue.

happy teachers' day to all. hahaha. and for those whom are my personal mentors! (e.g. E-HUI, JIAMING, SHENGJIE, IAN, JASMINE.) hahah for teaching me my homework, and helping me improve my throws alot alot alot. :DDDD yay lovesss! <3

-----

I just want you to hug me one more time, because the only thing in this world that scares me is that I’ll never feel that safe ever again.

— (via staree) (via one-toughcookie)

today made me realise that it's really hard to find guys like peter or david whom i can pour everything out to/tell everything to. ><

you can have loads of friends, you can be close to a few, but there's only those minority whom you really trust and can really depend on for anything, those whom you can pour your heart and soul and woe to, and trust them to not tell anything.

it's only those few whom would make you feel secure when you're with them, give you a sense of security, never letting you fear no matter what happens. cause you know you'll always have them.

thanks for taking my insecurities away. (: loves!

today's been very eventful, with shengjie's message hyping me up in the morning (LOL!), brudders and sista (:DDDD) during the teachers' day celebrations, and then going back to ny with kexin and talk with qianwen, and then lan with huge masses of people lol. shall blog more about it tmr.

right now, chiong homework. study chem equilibrium and finish up WR tmr.

2009-08-31T01:32:00.002+08:00

Too often, we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

— Unknown (via runawaytrain)

too often, we take those by our sides for granted.

Do as little harm to others as you can; make any sacrifice for your true friends; be responsible for yourself and ask nothing of others; and grab all the fun you can. Don’t give much thought to yesterday, don’t worry about tomorrow, live in the moment, and trust that your existence has meaning even when the world seems to be all blind chance and chaos. When life lands a hammer blow in your face, do your best to respond to the hammer as if it had been a cream pie. Sometimes black humor is the only kind we can summon, but even dark laughter can sustain.

— Dean Koontz (via kari-shma)

thank you. what would i do without you.
<3

2009-08-30T23:04:00.004+08:00

on my facebook note:

sijie: 8. Tag someone who's hot.
the moment i read that, i knew which one i belong to.

yongquan: hot= chao da?

siewying: whatever lah yong!
if there was one, the blackest person i knew. :DDDD

then on shengjie's note:

sijie: 8. Tag someone who's hot.
like i told siewying, that's me! =D

shengjie: si jie: dream on! u are 15 haha
xi ning: nono! 8& 23 =)

siewying: awww sijie's ego just got pricked by you!

sijie: =( sobs. whyyyyyyyyyyy.. black absorbs heat what. i'm hot what. =( not meh....

-----

yongquan: 14. Tag the person with the best eyes.
haiyo i must be 14 la, the person with the best 'ice'

shengjie: yongquan: zzz u NOW belong to 19. at first u ain't lol

nelson: HAHAHAH OMG YQ.

yongquan: actually i noe i m NOW 23 cuz u tried to hit me juz now from ur computer for wad i said (23. Tag someone you miss.)

----

ian: 5. Tag a person you can't stand, just to get it off your chest.
i dunno about you but i sit while using the comp.

shengjie: ian: wl u yong quan ah?

-----

khai chien: I am 26 in 1

ian: no wonder. just look at your size.

khai chien: ....aiyo paiseh. I over-nutritioned. Not as miao1 tiao2 as you.

hoho the joy of facebook notes. :DD

2009-08-29T21:50:00.006+08:00

Queen的歌是需要用心聽的
你懂嗎

if you could replay everything again
the moments you've had with your loved ones, your friends, your family-
every single moment, sweet or bitter,
would you?

-----

Go for someone who makes you smile because it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

— Unknown (via littlemiss)

from itsybitsyspider.tumblr.com

past few days (thursday, friday and today) have been rather, well, reflective?

thursday was rather okay, nothing much exciting hahaa. morning assembly was cancelled. ._. kinda lame, since the band was already READY and set up for national anthem (after learning from the wednesday's mistake) and then ken yeow came over to tell us that there was no national anthem. ._. siannnn diaoooooo. then the band just started playing randomly hahahah. e-hui came over to the inner plaza! :DDD then talked about stuffs hahah. thanks loads, we really have to htht sometime. >< oh then jia chen passed me his very very long farewell letter (after so long) hahahah! thankss! happy happy. :DDDDDD

math remedial after school, then went down to mug with brudders and jasmine. uhhh abit fail cause sijie came over awhile later and asked us if we wanted to go central plaza to flick. cause some other random people were flicking in the central plaza, newbies cause they werent from ultimate, so sijie wanted to go over to flick to show them what it really was. ._. tempted us, so yongquan, ian and sijie ended up flicking in the central plaza. i did some of econs essay, then they stopped flicking in the central plaza and came over to the class benches instead. ian and shengjie started flicking at the class wing after jax finished his chem, which sucessfully distracted jasmine, e-hui and me. went over to flick with them :DDD yayyy felt quite happy flicking HAHA. cause ian was being retarded. and something happened with elfred toh getting self-owned LOL but nvm hahah. brudder ian couldnt stop laughing lahhhh. tsk man EVILLL. heh.

went back to do some more work then yongquan asked ian (the pro) some tyco math question, and then the three of them (yongquan, ian and shengjie) mulled over it for a pretty long time. saw liang sai a moment later, and then he offered to help solve the math question for my newsweek in return. ._. lame. spent an hour or so pouring over the math question, >< roarrrr math. but they managed to solve it in the end.

went home with ian, shengjie and yongquan brudders after that. was rather late so yongquan was at it with his ghost stories again ._. in the bus ian and shengjie just kept guailan-ing each other, hahah was darn hilarious lahhh.

went for dental early in the morning on friday, debonded, but not exactly happy with it. D: so yea..

went back to school, which was pretty much okay. tried to do yongquan's card during math and econs tutorial, then met brudder shengjie and asked him to pass the card around the 69 frisbee peeps to write during math lecture.

break was spent looking for random frisbee people around to help write card. then went to flick with jiajie, melvin, kevin and henry for a bit. then sijie joined in and all of us zi bei liao hahaha. sijie so zai! zzzzzzz.

went for ct, then after ct rushed out to get more people to write the card, then went for chem remedial. quite productive hahaha, then chiong down to watch pick-ups.

i didnt realise then that it was the last match we would be playing with our beloved seniors, since they'd leave for study break next week. >< oh man. talked with e-hui hahah. sort of htht again. made me realise alot of stuff >< watched teammates flick around, and ahhh. the feeling just came back to me ._. serenity, yet i feel adrenaline and anxiety. conflicting, yet, a tad bit wonderful and nostalgic at the same time.

did get to flick around with brudder shengjie for a bit. trained hammers. haha happily, i did manage to throw a rather okay hammer before i flew off to find david, and then we went to the audi to watch soultimate together. hahaha.

sort of exchanged secrets again. i miss those old days. and it somehow made me miss peter even more. heh. performances were rather great. :DDD haha especially the bhangra dance hahahah omg made me crack up like siao. so many sijies dancing on stage, but omg zai, they can break. then the stunts were like woahhhh. siaoooo. hhahah.

left early to find people at serene macs hahah. omg i was damn grateful for brudders plus weijie to wait for me oh mannnn. sorry sorry sorry, because of me you guys went home damn late >< haha but then after i bought my dinner from the counter, brudders shengjie, ian and jiaming started to bully me ._.

zzzzzz okay lah quite hilarious, cause stupid jiaming was snatching my wallet to see my ez-link card, then omg the other two brudders werent helping. then they stole my drink when i wasnt looking cause i was seeing if zhiyang was okay (cause he had muscle cramp in his calf). then after that, ian and jiaming were both taking turns to snap and burst my straw so that i couldnt drink from it. ZZZZZ. went to take a new one and they burst it once again. SIAN DIAOOOO. then jiaming sucessfully stole a glance at my ez-link card and wl just started niaoinggggg. oh but his picture isnt any better HAHAH. shengjie and ian both look damn cute when they were young lahhhh! :D ~~but now... haiz.~~ then now so shuai. AYEEEE. hahaha.

haha being the "joke" or rather "entertainment" or just the item for niaoing made me miss zoo again. haha remembered the times where peter koh would niao me like siaooooo. until i really go crazy and give up retaliating. LOL. then sok, liuyi and ky wouldnt be helping, cause sok and liuyi will just laugh at me getting niaoed at by peter, and ky would just add cold jokes to the humour LOL. oh mannnn. nostalgia. ><

was supposed to go home with brudder yongquan, ian and shengjie but then ma called to say they would pick me up from school ZZZZZ. so i took bus back to school ._. wts lah.

went to school to mug in the morning, saw loads of people haha. was really unproductive cause i was just super sian diao. didnt want to do anything at all. coincidentally i met kexin, cause her class (xinyu and nelson's class) was having remedial. then after eons we finally got to talk! :D

talking to her made me realised how much has happened. she used to tell me stuffs, her problems, happenings, but today made me realised how much has changed. there has been a change of heart, a change of soul, an ending, and probably a new beginning, (if she permits i guess). time has flown, much has happened, where do we go from here?

and then her happenings made me realised some stuffs cannot be achieved. no matter how strong we are, how much we want it, or how much we believe in it, ultimately, we might still have to bow down to fate. (if you believe in fate anyway.) okay im not making sense here. ><

and her situation made me realise how much better off i actually i am i guess. so why the hell am i still confused about everything, feeling so insecure or unsure?

david came later, then we just talked and did chem together lol. he slept for awhile while i continued doing chem, then woke up, did physics and then left lol.

hmmm it's the company that mattered i guess haha. XD on the way out of school we just kept niaoing each other about stuffs lah. haha hilariousss. luckily peter wasnt there to team up with him, if not i seriously gg liao. just beng kui and DIE.

------

"yes, live life the way you want it to be and heck the rest. but how easy is it? how often do people get to live life the way they want it? life isn't all that smooth-sailing as i'm living now obviously. it's quite scary really, when u think, all of a sudden, 18 years has passed. and maybe soon, another 18 will be gone. sooner or later i'll be at some old age waiting to die. would i have enjoyed life enough? honestly i think i'll be wanting to live longer. but what can i do at 100 years old if i even reach there lol. probably can't even hold up a 175g disc, much less play frisbee -.- it'd be good enough if i can still use a comp and blog like i am. and best is my wife would still be around so i wont be that lonely. but if i'm 100, my kids would be AT LEAST 60 yrs old anyway. they'd be stuck at home withering away like me too HAHA. 40 years of withering oh my."

from sijie's blog

life isnt just about from the cradle to the grave.
we just dont look at life and see it from the time when we are born, to the time of our deaths.

what makes life life is probably the things we've went through, or would go through, alongside with our loved ones, soulmates or partners. the smallest things that made us smile or feel joyful, the memories that made us appreciate life.

what defines our life, is probably the beauty of life itself.
and if you seek, you will find the beauty.

--------

You can never really know someone completely. That’s why it’s the most terrifying thing in the world, really — taking someone on faith, hoping they’ll take you on faith too. It’s such a precarious balance, it’s a wonder we do it at all. And yet….

— Libba Bray (via iamblessed) (via one-toughcookie)

from itsybitsyspider.tumblr.com

haha why is this so true.
i trusted you. now when i think back, i see that i've been stupid and naive all along.
i was probably a replacement, something temporary. never permanent.
i was nothing, nothing at all.

dont worry.
time will pass, people forget.
i think i already cease to exist.

2009-08-26T23:55:00.002+08:00

why do i feel like this. DD:

"oh hello, it's been long."

it's been long since i last talked to peter, it's been longer since i last saw him. still remember, peter, david and i would meet up on weekends to mug together hahaha. and peter would be the whole life of our meetings, cause he's totally our entertainment/joke hahaha. no offense peter kohh! we love you. :D

so that explains why im quite happy i managed to talk to him just now over msn (like just just). :DDD miss him loads. >< cheered me up for abit. but ayeee nothing seems to work for cheering me up today :/ im just moody.

so much has changed. people have changed, our hearts have changed. for me, my behaviour and way of thinking has changed. no longer the shy, girly and uncertain me hahaha, even though im still pretty much confused and uncertain now.

† Petar! says:
lol.
you so (fe)male
[hcband <3 siew] says:
i know im guy.
my brudders just said im guy today lah okay
happy liaooo ._.

this is when you really wished you had the power to stop time,
and then just take your own time to really take in and appreciate every little thing that you have now. the people around you, the things they've done, the little things that we went through together, the laughter and fun we had.

† Petar! says:
haha i wanna go out . with you. long time never alr.
and one line! (david)

haha let's. let's.

2009-08-26T20:45:00.012+08:00

"i saw you all just now cos the bus i took had a pi bond with a car. then the car's rear view mirror came off, so the car now become bai kar." -oli

oh nelson showed me this and WOAHHH it's darn cool.

NEAT! :DDD

------
there's alot on my mind. >< need to clear them before i can concentrate on pw.

am i the only one that doesnt see gender discrimination? why is it that even my parents and grandparents have to force the whole female stereotype thingy on me. why is it that girls cant do what guys can. why must females necessarily be the weaker ones.

kinda sickening when people view you as what you're supposed to be, when you're not. and then they get all surprised or even upset when you're not what they supposed you to be.
-------

school today was rather eventful, though the day started kinda badly.

morning was spent celebrating jinqing's birthday first haha. xinyu, iris, jiawen e-hui and i all went to sing her a very loud happy birthday song lol. then went into bandroom to see band people slacking around, cause we all thought there wasnt any national anthem cause it was raining. saw weiqi's birthday present, which was a penguin in an igloo, which tianhui mistook for a tortoise LOL.

then the first bell rang and we were still laxing inside bandroom, joking around, until yaze came into the room saying that there wasnt any rain bell, which meant we had to play national anthem. then everyone in band room stun diao for a few moments, then immediately rushed out to grab people to play for national anthem, or grab mouthpiece LOL. the scene was quite hilarious, everything was in a flurry and everyone was just going "OMG OMG OMG WHAT THERE'S NATIONAL ANTHEM?"

zongxian: "this is to testing how long the band takes to set up LOL."
haha it was really pretty hilarious to see everyone panicking and running about with scores and stands and their instrus, then jiajie didnt turn up and we were like HUH OMG NO BASS? but fortunately he turned up hahaha.

national anthem was still quite sucessful, though edwin claimed that he hasnt recovered from the shock after national anthem LOL.

break was spent doing bits of econs essay, lunching with e-hui and then disturbing brudder yongquan hahahah. :D

then shengjie crashed my chem lecture, which made lecture much more fun, on top of the fact that mrs lee was lecturing our LT! :DDD
oh but he now knows my secret. ><

survived through gp, bio was okay, then went to lunch with junning, elaine and kristie before kristie, junning, jingxi and i went up to do pw. tried to do the video but failed, but was rather productive with our WR. :DDD yayy.

ended pw at around 5, met david, talked, met brudders after their physics lecture. hahaha chongwei scammed me. ._. ayee. then went to flick! :DDDD finally. but roarrrr my hucks suckk nowwwww D: saddd. lack of practice, or i just plain suck.

the guys then played frisbee soccer haha. wl just having yongquan, ian and shengjie on a team is zai3 enough. the 3 of them all so zai3! unbeatable. they just kept scoring lahhh hahaha.

then jasmine joined me after a while, then went home with oli, jasmine, ian and shengjie. hahah shengjie, ian and i took bus home together again. had much fun talking about some stuffs. :D

today was rather mentally and emotionally tired. was half stoning on the bus lah >< until oli sent ian that lame sms and the 3 of us burst out laughing like siao on the busss hahaha darn hilarious lahhh wts. ._.

even after today, only one person will know the full story. and he knows who he is. (:

--------
i realised i'll never be the one.
im not good enough.
i'll never be good enough.
not now, not in the future, never.

to you, im always nothing.
my existence never mattered.

--------

edit:

oh thanks nelson for cheering me up slightly with the cool vid. :D

roarrrrr i think i really think too much.
im just getting myself more and more confused. D:

even if i fail,
i realised, at the end of the day, they really mattered to me.
so others before self, others before self.

/edit

2009-08-26T00:23:00.002+08:00

why is everything screwing up at this point of time?
this is when i really hate myself.

choices are what we make in our everyday life. every day, there's a choice we have to make.
with every choice comes an opportunity cost.

im sorry i have to make this choice.
im sorry i have to give you up.

you dont deserve this.

2009-08-25T20:14:00.005+08:00

brudder's famous quote:
"蹲在地上画圈圈! D:"

sunday night was spent mugging econs with brudder oli over msn till 2.30-3.00 am in the morning. went i went off to bed, he was still mugging, and jiajie, who was also online, said he wasnt going to sleep at all.

i still screwed up econs, despite having already prepared myself sort of sufficiently, since i knew what to write. but then my hand couldnt write fast enough ._. win. after econs test was p.e., which was mass dance ._. okay was quite sian about it at first, but then the girls like siying, yiling, bih, phuong, uyen, szemin started to zi-high and laugh like siao over nothing so i started to zihigh with nat also hahaha. okay quite dumb.

tried to crash chem lecture with brudders after break but failed. oh we played frisbee soccer during break hahaha. damn fun but very tired >< cause the night before sleep for 3 hours ._. hahaha. was nodding off during econs, and chionged bio during break. then bio was quite tiring also >< zzzzz.

got realised half an hour early from bio cause she knew we had math test the next day. met up with david then studied vectors and bombarded him with questions (lol sorry david ><) while he tried to work through his integration hahaha. then brudders like oli, ian, shengjie, jiaming, jiajie were all at the 69 class bench discussing math so "enthusiatically" lol hahah.

after david left at around 5, i shifted to join brudders and jasmine mugging. yongquan and jiajie were like flicking lah lol. bothered shengjie and ian quite alot for math (im so sorry! ><) cause i really died doing vectors, then i cannot do integration somemore, more gg. ._. lol. thanks shengjie and ian alot for teaching me, especially jax hahah for all his patience with teaching meeeeeee the dumb. >< thanks thanks.

mugged math in school with yongquan, ian, shengjie and jasmine until quite late, it was only 8 when we left school hahah. zai brudder ian spent the whole day lazing around, too zai no need to study le. ._. while jasmine, jax and i were racking our brains on how to solve our math, he was walking around, flicking with himself, doing random and stupid stuffs like drawing pen logos on shengjie brudder's paper when jax was trying to teach me integration lol. then he still said stuff like "aiyooo so boredd." ZZZZZZ. zai lah hahahaha.

was damn tired when i reached home, just ate, bathe and slept. didnt even study at all, which explains why i cant do the integration question at all today ._.

so i screwed up math today, rushed out econs during break again. but at least it left me time to walk over to see brudders hahaha. stupid ian! keep niaoing us by saying stuff like "haiya i never study math, today fail liao lahhh." ZZZZZZ wl. haha. oli best lah. stayed up until 5am to mug math, so technically he slept 4 hours for 2 days. ._. how he tahan lah.

did pw after school. then went down to meet brudders and jasmine, who were mugging math zomg. found jiaming, weijie, melvin, jasmine, shengjie and yongquan, who were all doing tutorial 7A lah. i gg liao. need to muggg!

then they went to flick abit. weijie folded this damn cool paper aeroplane which could actually fly/float for quite long! O.O then jasmine, jiaming, weijie and zhiyang left, while yongquan, jax, melvin and jonny went to flick at central plaza. joined in abit, while i wasnt supposed to. >< met david. then brudders and i left for home at around 6.05 hahah.

on the bus ride home, yongquan was being the bad brudder scaring me with ghost stories! (well okay lah i wanted to hear them ._.) then shengjie was being the good brudder trying to get me to dao him and just not listen to his nonsense hahaha. ayeee.

okay actually there's alot to blog about, but then there's still pw waiting for me to do, and i still wanna do chem tutorial/study bio tonight ><

------

mugging with david on saturday in school made me miss peter.

PETER KOH/ PETER PENQUIN! :DDDDD

i doubt you see this but HAIYA I MISS YOU. D:

on monday liuyi, ky, sok, peter and i met up at hc busstop. ky & liuyi gave me a little tour around SALT center (HAHAHA) then 5 of us headed over to 6th avenue coffee shop for breakfast.

quotes of the day:
-liuyi gets agitated and bangs on the table-
ky: -points at liuyi- "SHE BANGS"
-liuyi starts laughing-
peter: "SHE MOVES. lol."

ky: -points to cold storage- "that's where i get all my jokes from."

quotes liuyi: -picks up purple sweet- "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PURPLEEEEEEEEEEEE! :D"
-cue for peter to crack up.- haha.

and omg i had to dig another hole yesterday cause i totally acted like a small kid saying: "OMG AFTER EIGHT! I WANT!" -jumps up and down with the damn kiddy voice- and peter getting appalled by my actions. D:

now i've got 4 holes. D:

i think we spent like an hour or so in candy empire acting like overgrown kids. in the end we got 5 gummi snakes. hahahah.

oh yea. peter was trying to get the gummies for us and ky was at the side like: "I WANT THE BLUE COLOUR ONE. :D"
peter: -picks one- "this one?"
ky: "why got yellow colour one?! D:"
peter: "what blue colour one! all got colour what! they're all rainbow!"
and liuyi was like: "EH GIVE ME ONE WITHOUT ORANGE COLOUR IN IT. orange things do not taste nice." hahahaha.

i miss this.

times change, people change but memories dont.
memories are kept in your heart, to be relieved by your soul time to time again.

2009-08-24T22:36:00.004+08:00

need to clear some stuff here before i start on vectors (and it's 10.30 noww D:)

today was rather eventful, so:
-mugging with david.
-mugging with brudders + jasmine.
-jax and ian!
-friendships (david peter ___ )
-jasmine's problem, in relation to mine.
-life.

i shall write about the friendship probem fallacy thingy in her journal. die she wants it tmr ._. and i'll ramble alot lah. let's just hope she doesnt use it against me.

i think bathing is bad. everytime i bathe, i spend half the time in the bathroom thinking, which for today, resulted in me coming up with the whole friendship fallacy.

i think too much for my own good. now i should be thinking vectors.

2009-08-24T01:09:00.002+08:00

before i forget:
- qian's post
- PETER KOH!
- liuyi
- mugging econs with oli.

at the end of the day, maybe im the one who has changed.

2009-08-23T23:31:00.003+08:00

zzzzzzzz wl!

i know how screwed my life is.
i dont need you to come and remind me.

it's like taking dirt off the sole of your foot and chucking it into my face.

this is why we stopped talking.
i've had enough of that.

2009-08-23T21:28:00.004+08:00

"you know shengjie's foolscap paper is 'U' grade?
then mine is 'A' zone.
i dunno why he wants to use U grade." -Oli

yesterday was spent mugging vectors in school in the morning with david. he came from like 10 to 12, taught me how to do tutorial 6D while he did his physics happily (i stress, HAPPILY). then he pangsehed me to go somewhere else hahah.

then from no where, brudder shengjie appeared! and hahaha we started mugging together. lol. then alot of bboys appeared. came to kajiao brudder again LOL. then xining and cindy attempted to drag me to OG outing but i refused, cause undoubtly, im going to fail math terribly again, how can i still go out. -.- so yea, they left me feeling very guilty (and i must stress "FEELING VERY GUILTY" okay. thanks arh xining.) and brudder and i continued to mug until around 7 before we went home together.

quite productive, but i ended up baking at night, so i sort of wasted my night away.

slept in today, slogged around again, tried memorising econs but failed. cousin came over to help me with math in the afternoon, then econs haha. then after that i slogged around somemore. until erm now.

im so going to die tmr. there's still bio to complete, and the journal thingy to write. i shall totally use the journal to express the artsy side of me lah. i used it wrongly the last time roarr. (i doubt any of you get what i mean here but nvm)

2009-08-21T23:28:00.006+08:00

"Come Back To Me" -David Cook

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away
I know theres really nothing left to say
Just know i'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you i can't save you
Its something you have to do

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me
So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

im still holding onto you.
it's so hard to let go.

because the ones whom i've let go are now lost,
gone forever, never to return to the old days where we would just act like little kids and laugh our heads off at nothing, roll on the floor and do nothing, or just enjoy each other's presence and warmth in silence.
memories are what's left of us.
what are we now? where are we now?

this is why i cant let go.
this is why i treasure each and everyone whom i still have so much more.

i still hope.
maybe one day we'll be able to turn back time.
maybe then we could change everything.

------

on a lighter note:

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY BRUDDER SHENG JIE HAHAHAHAHA.

this is probably the upteenth time i've wished him, but hey! this is what friends are for right.
hope you had a great dayyyy, though it was a pretty long one hhaha. :D treasure every moment cause you dont stay 17 forever. :D LOVES!

2009-08-21T00:06:00.003+08:00

it's all my wishful thinking.
it'll never happen.

you asked me what, and why.
you asked for the unheard and unsaid.

there's a reaons why they're secrets.
you will never know that every little thing you do, my heart began to falter.

2009-08-19T22:32:00.001+08:00

of the holocaust memorial in berlin, germany.

这一次，我真的累了。
再也找不到那股力量继续往前走。

life is contradictory.

in my darkest times
i dont see you anymore
ironically

which one of us let go?

as each day goes by
we're just drifting apart

世界没有变
是人的心变了

it's called a change of heart.

--------

past few days have been rather painful, though studying with brudders plus sista plus jasmine and any other teammate around was really comforting. haha loves.

ian helped me with organic chem on monday, after a day full of !#$%#, seriously. thanks shengjie brudder, jasmine, and e-hui for being there. omg sorry i broke down. -.- i shouldnt have ><

stayed back after school to mug again yesterday with shengjie, jasmine and e-hui, and was quite effective. did vectors lol. thanks shengjie for teaching me chem spa for ONE HOUR omg. which resulted in us only going home at like 7-8 lol. my good brudder. :D hahahaha. thanksssss i owe you loads.

stayed back in school again today with weijie, yongquan, ian, sijie, shengjie, jas, marcus, zhiyang to mug. finished econs essay lol. but i took darn long to do it. then watched people flick. then went home with brudders ian and shengjie again. :D

i think too much for my own good. i think. ._.

sorry in advance if my mood fluctuates a hell lot this week and i piss anyone of you off. i had a very very very bad start for the week, and it's really hard to get over it.

even now, it's hard to find the strength to carry on.

2009-08-16T03:02:00.004+08:00

please look at the time. D:

graaaaahhhhh the next few weeks are going to be crazy.
PW study homework PW study homework PW study homework....
the cycle never ends.

press on press on.
starting tmr (uh actually in 6 more hours), it'll be PW trial.
PW's driving me up the wall actually. okay fine, not really there yet, but urgh. D: pw demoralises me D: i feel so incompetent when i do pw, and the best thing is, my house doesnt provides the necessary stuff i need.

e.g. printing wl! D< my printer just died on me and i couldnt print my pw trial materials lah. almost died please until junning and kristie thought of other solutions to it.
and my com keeps hanging on me. everytime i open IE, my com commits suicide. win.

went to school to mug today, but was quite fail cause i was mugging alone. which means i was unmotivated. which means i just go school and sleep lah wl. only finished organic chem tutorial and chem equilibrium. still got bio tutorial, econs tutorial, econs essay and MATHHHH OMG. please clear mathh there's a math test next week. D:

okay so i shall go off and finish one bio essay question before i hit the bed. tmr i'll be a walking zombie again. hope i dont screw up the trial.

oh great. there's filming. D: GRAAHHHH.

2009-08-13T21:32:00.004+08:00

taken from here

this was what really inspired me to take up geography.
to see the world's wonders, and to see what life really is.

of the past few days

tuesday during flicking at area outside audi, weijie accidentally stepped onto ian's foot.

-ian pretends to be in pain-
weijie: "oh man sorry sorry are you oka-aiya DAO YOU LAH."

LOL brudder got owned. weijie's damn cute lah hahaha.

thursday after laxing around at the laxing spots (LOL) and jiaming brother pestering us to go home. jax offered me clorets, then he took some himself.

then suddenly he started to point to the ground and cry like kid.
me: O.O "shengjie what happened?"
jax: "糖果掉了. D:"
me: "huh?"
jax: -points to the floor and continues acting like a kid.- "我的糖果掉了！" T.T

zzzz omg. go sit on the floor, draw circles and emo lah! LOL. hilarious.

then when yongquan, ian, shengjie and i were finally on the bus. then jax was showing off to me how good his chem spa is. zai lah. 20.5/24. ZAII.

shengjie: "no lah like that wheregot zai. ____ got 24/30 for chem lecture test leh."
me: o.O
shengjie: "then people like danette still think they taking psle. her chem lecture test 27/30. zzzzz"
me: "wah siaooo. okay your class people very zai. your class GIRLS very zai."
ian: "yea, your class girls very - zai."
me: "your class girlS? i thought you would say 'your class GIRL very zai' hahah."
ian: "no lah, your class GIRLS all very zai."
shengjie: "your girlfriend very zai lah!"
yongquan: "eh later you'all wannna go macs eat hamburGER(GIRL) or not?"
ian & jax: zzzzz

LOL hahah yongquan always never fails to make our bus rides home freezing cold LOL. HAHA.

today had pick-ups after school. went down the to the JC field after chem remedial only to find like half the batch down there playing lah. even people like tess and nicholas were there! :DDD

managed to play abit, SHENGJIE WAS SUPER ZAII (SUPERMAN LIAO LAH.) hahahaha. the nicest Ds, skies, and jumps were all from him LOLLLL. zaiiiii.
then i did managed to D e-hui, play abit as a handler, which sucked if shengjie (once again) didnt save my ugly outside-in, and if melvin didnt save my "nicholas dump" omggg. D: cant believe i did that lah D: panicked. so thanks melvin an brudder for saving me.

i miss 2 left hand passes from ian. -.- like omgggg sorry ian! D: then passed a really ugly left hand pass to melvin, who saved me AGAIN. omg darn sucky lah. ><

trained left hand passes with e-hui and oli after that, and oli's passes from BOTH HANDS are like super nice. zaiii.

went off to grand's place for dinner, something happened which pissed me off quite abit, considering my mood wasnt great today to start wih (besides when i was playing frisbee). roarrr.

----

family.

what does it mean?

sometimes i really ask myself WHYYY.
why the hell do i bother to make myself try to convince them over and over and over again, just to find their responses cutting deeper and deeper into my heart.
they will never see how much it means to me, why the hell do i bother?
i should just do whatever i want, and dao them.

but they're family.

i cant go on doing something i love, and still enjoy doing it without any guilt, or fear or even sadness.
because they're family, and their support and recognition means so much to me.

but they will never see it
why do i even bother?

i really wanted to give up. but posting the fun memories i had of yester days with my friends, i realised why i havent given up yet.
and because of them, i shouldnt.

press on, keep fighting.

2009-08-11T23:48:00.006+08:00

band farewells always make me cry. after every generation of seniors, each younger batch of seniors whom im closer to leaves, i always go home and cry.

sounds like some loser, but yea, these things always leave me affected.

this year's band farewell on saturday was abit different i guess. no tears were shed, but guilt was felt instead.

i've gave so much to frisbee, neglected band, neglected the people, neglected the music.
i havent given enough. i should have given more.
maybe then i would have made more memories with my seniors.

i must say im really blessed. :D
i have a lovely section.

taken at our restaurant table without lester, cause he was late. ><

being the only rose among the thorns (LOL, metaphorically), im pretty well taken care of. hahaha. and the times we had together, them helping me with everything, even though they as tubist had their own big and heavy tuba to carry.

i remember the SYF period, when i would go for friday band pracs after frisbee training all sweaty and hyped up, then i'll zi-high to jiachen, who sort of knows how i feel, seeing that he's in rugby and council too hahaha. then he'll laugh at me for all my stupid actions, silly words an stupid mistakes i'd make in band lol.

i rememeber every morning's assembly, playing national anthem with them, jeremy would talk to me about random stuffs, jiachen would ask about training once again (hahaha) and lester wold crack lame jokes from nowhere. i'd tell jiachen how i screw up every training, or how i'd finally gotten the hang of the set play, or how i managed to touch the disc during matches LOL.

i remember them helping me carry the scores during our SYF, playing next to jia chen on stage, playing next to xiaoen the bass clarinetist on stage, which was of great comfort to me, cause playing your part alone was terrifying. i remember how xiaoen and i used to look at each other in the eye before playing the bass solo, hoping that we'd be in tune, praying that everything would go al right. i remember playing my heart out to the "hymm to the sun" next to jiachen and xiaoen during SYF, and then again next to jeremy, lester and jiajie during arts fest.

i remember jiajie and lester reading manga during band prac, jia chen and i doing stupid things during band prac, my malu-ing myself and him laughing at me. i remember laughing at xiaoen or junjie, xiangjing, or liangsai, or luther, or edwin and lionel and the flutes for niaoing leng during band prac.

i'll remember the letters yaze my dear angel wrote to me in band, nomatter how entertaining they were, and jonathan, who was both my angel and mortal cause of coincidence or affinity? hahaha. thanks for all the wonderful letters and gifts. :D

and oh i have 3 identical carebears now. all the sunshine yellow one LOL. somehow people seem to think that i like yellow.

looking back, it's a pity we had such a short time together, or it was my fault that i didnt appreciate their company. i wished i could have known them more, made many more better memories to take away and keep.

and i realised frisbee seriously makes me guyish. im like so feminine in band lah please! :D LOL. okay random.

and of course, i'll miss all the nanyang band seniors like CHAI LALA, MELLISSA, NUTCASE, went through 2 SYFs, 5 years of band together, creating and making music, playing with our heart and souls. music was what kept us together.

and for that, im thankful. :D

2009-08-10T22:13:00.005+08:00

much has happened since my last time here.

wednesday and thursday were days filled with laughter and joy cause of teammates, or else i didnt think i'd pull through. was emoing after bio aa on wed, found ian, jax and weijie, who totally made my day. hahaah. we sat at our "laxing spot", watched jax and ian fight over their laxing spot, which was the lamppost LOL, watched jax have emotional rollar coasters by getting high and then emoing by drawing circles on the ground HAAHA. super hilarious lahhhh. totally cheered me up. :DDD thanks!

oli and chongwei (99! :D) came to join us afterwards,had fun sitting around laxing and just doing nothing. the company was all that mattered. :D

went island creamery with e-hui, jasmine, jiawen, nelson, ian, weijie, yongquan, nicholas, oli, jax & jiaming after much fun flicking in school hahahah. :DDD then we decided to swap bags! i carried captain toh's bag hahha cause nelson's crumpler was too huge, even for shengjie!

jiaming became a tortoise carrying jax's bag, ian became a nerd carrying weije's bag, and weijie became a gangsta/runaway kid carrying ian's bag HAH. nelson was the most epic, carrying jiawen's bag, he became too bright LOL.

went to macs instead cause island creamery was too crowded, so e-hui, nelson and i ta-paoed from island creamery next door haha. had so much fun niaoing shengjie, cause we all know brudder's nice and he wouldnt mind LOL. but the fun was jiaming taking all the niaoing and sort of turning them into self-frags cause he was carrying jax's bag LOL. hilarious lah.

oh and we found out about GRA. HAHAHAH. omg super funny.

now everytime i see nelson, or when he sees jax, he goes GRAAAAAAA and i double up with laughter. seriously lah! darn hilarious. the guy with 13 others. (or has the number increased?) -is reminded of the photo's tags- ahhhh omg brudder dont come after me. ><

went home with jiawen, yongquan, ian and jax after that. wl, you put ian and jax together, their retardedness becomes pure entertainment lah. i still jiawen's imba niao. "i know why you like this photo, cause all 12 of yours are in it, except for GRA." HAHAHAHAH total ownage please! :D

thurs was spent flicking after school again, more productive since jax the pro came to teach jasmine and i how to hammer properly. :D still havent really got the hang of it, but im sure with brudder's imba coaching, i'll get there soon enough hahahaha. :DD

friday's national day celebrations was quite fei4. J1s celebrated in the hall, and i got high with kexin and nelson's class. nelson spent the whole time beating me at my phone games lah. -.- pro. phuong looked really pretty in her malay dance costume! and ky did quite a good job in hyping up the hall. hhaha. nice movements too! :D

after celebrations, we played a little 5 vs 5 soccer/frisbee in the field LOL hhaha. must say i kept screwing up. D: and sijie and jx kept giving me chances somemore. D: ayeee.

went to ps with nelson and e-hui after that, makaned, talked, and then nelson left cause he was darn tired, e-hui followed me to made with love to shop for card materials for band farewell. and then became my atm because i was broke. D: omg sorrryyyy! ><

after that, wanted to go back to lan with brudders cause it was still early, but jax messaged to say they left liao, so bo bian, went home to do cards, then slept omg. tired.

shall blog about band farewell and failed lan (yet again) the next time.
i feel like tmr's going to be another bad day.

2009-08-02T13:33:00.003+08:00

there's so much i wanna say.
but sometimes, there's just stuff that are unsaid, and understood.

today was another happy day.
it's the company that matters. :D

you never fail.
danke shon. <3

2009-07-31T23:19:00.005+08:00

it's good to know that i still have people like david, peter and e-hui whom i can really trust and tell everything to, i still have people in HCULT, like shengjie, oli, ian, nelson and jiajie, who never fail to unknowingly brighten up my day with their retardedness. :D

whenever i find myself losing grip, when i feel like i cant hold on or go on any longer, i think back and all i can see are my teammates, the guys who've inspired me so much as to strive harder and perservere, so as to find my own joy and happiness. it's under their guidance and inspiration that i wanna learn to do the hammers, hucks, skies, Ds and curves properly, though i'll never be able to match up to them. their hard work and proness inspires me, train hard, play hard.

now, it's the same thing happening again.

this week sucked, but frisbee never failed to brighten up my day. :D
this is only the beginning.

i dont want tmr to come, but at the same time, i want today to end too.
this is confusing, tiring.
i'll pull through this.

2009-07-28T01:07:00.003+08:00

looking through his photos, i recalled what she said.
i cant help but to agree with her now.

what if i hadnt gone this way?
i cant help but to think, would life be different from what it is now?

i wouldnt be studying how chemical reactions work, how cells multiply, but how the earth works, and how history is still alive within us.
i would be studying beethoven, mozart, or even my favourite, debussy.
i might have been able to do better, knowing what i wanna do, loving what im doing.

but no, that was what if.

i cant help but to feel envious. he's got everything i've wanted.
im left with, nothing.
condemned to the bottom of the hierachy, probably never to be able to see light again.

he's loving what he's doing.
im-
what am i doing?

what am i doing?
urgh this is not happening again.
it should have stopped long ago.

2009-07-26T22:31:00.005+08:00

there's dark times ahead.

i need to be strong.

those will be the times where i think back and reminiscence, look back at our journey together, see the faces of people whom i really love, care and cherish.

im grateful for the memories, i just dont know how to express my gradtitude.

maybe i'll pen it down in that book, and maybe next year, i'll read what i've written, and realise what i've really been thankful for. for the people around me, the people who've i've drawn my courage from.
it's because of you that im still here, still fighting along this path, and that im still hanging on.

whatever happens for the next few weeks, even if i have to let go, i'll still be hanging on.
even if im not there, im still holding on.
even if im not there, i'll still be thinking of it.
waiting, anticipating, feeling, yearning.

but then again, reading someone's post made me realise im not needed.
there's so many of us, one less wouldnt hurt. im nothing to them.
this situation is probably different from the one 4 years ago, because now we're assuming the same roles.
of what importance do i have?

im not good enough.
looking around, i realise i will never be.
no matter how hard i try, i'll never be as good as them. just because there's more than just being good on my plate, and im not giving myself wholly to either.

what good am i.

-----

just watched last year's farewell video, and i realised this is why i cant really let go.
the concerts, the tears, the hardwork, the triumph.
the music.
the journey we travelled together, some of us 4 years and counting, some of us merely half a year.

though i've had my grudges against it, i guess it's the performance, concerts and the music that had me going. the feeling on stage, the applause.

and now, (both) farewell's coming. it's probably the most dreaded thing that can happen (after elections) D:
im in denial. wts i dont really want to face reality.

ich bin tot.
wth am i going to do now.

2009-07-22T21:47:00.002+08:00

i feel darn irritated.

having put in everything i had, why isit that i still dont get it.
grahhh why isit that i still dont make it.

i will work harder. wts, i have to.
focus.
i will get that A.

2009-07-21T22:56:00.002+08:00

today could have been a happy day. training was real fun.

& then the question comes back again.

if i give up, i'll really just be giving up on myself.
i'll be giving up on another passion.
i'll be breaking all my promises to myself.

and the whole cycle will just repeat itself again.

i hate it. just because im _____ means i cant do everything else.
wts. this time it's for real.

i should have been stronger, mentally.
mind over body, mind over body.

2009-07-20T22:20:00.002+08:00

of peter koh once again.

† Petar! Traceur. says:
DAVID ADD MEEE =DD
siew says:
I KNOWWWW
HAHAHA I GAVE HIM YOUR ADDRESS. :D
† Petar! Traceur. says:
HAHAHA OMGGGGG
we're being kids now HAHAHA
siew says:
LOL HAHAHAHAHAH
wl peter koh you're darn amusing lah.

† Petar! Traceur. says:
*HAI DAVID YAMMMMMM
*=DDD
David - ( blehhs ) says:
*HELLO!
* :D
*wheeeee!
*howww areee uuu?
† Petar! Traceur. says:
*hahaha a mix of feelings. you? =DDD
*its been soooo long since i've seeen youuuuuuuu
*david dowan talk to me alr =(
David - ( blehhs ) says:
*loool
*doing work supposed to be passed up at 10pm.
† Petar! Traceur. says:
*hahahaha
*its ok i'm about to chiong stupid EoM zzzz
David - ( blehhs ) says:
*hahaha
*okiie
† Petar! Traceur. says:
*hahahaha
*i heard your subs are like
*100th percentile la omg
David - ( blehhs ) says:
*loool
*NOOO!
*who said one/>
*crazyy
*its a rumour laaa
† Petar! Traceur. says:
*hahaha
*ya you 101st percentile omg
*OMG.
David - ( blehhs ) says:
*lool.
*WOAH!
*sounds like 101 dalmations
† Petar! Traceur. says:
*hahahahaha

David - ( blehhs ) says:
*hahha
*reallllY!
*u smart la!
† Petar! Traceur. says:
*ya right
*U for econs man
David - ( blehhs ) says:
*reallly?
*but A for the rest horr!
*HOR HOR HOR peter boii!
† Petar! Traceur. says:
*HAHAH NO LORRZZXXX .-.
*._.
David - ( blehhs ) says:
*hahaha
*surrreee!
lol

2009-07-20T00:55:00.003+08:00

i love talking to peter.
he makes me realise alot of stuff.

i really think im blessed. the people around me have helped me alot. the seniors, frisbee de (brudders LOL), zoo, david & peter mostly. hmmm.

made me rethink my actions, realise stuff, take action and lead life.

hahaha i miss you guys alot. <3

2009-07-19T19:23:00.003+08:00

of random rubbish again.

† Petar! Traceur. says:
lol
you know my leg got amputated
siew says:
HUH.
† Petar! Traceur. says:
HAHAHA KIDDING
siew says:
._. EH WL NOT FUNNY.

† Petar! Traceur. says:
ouch
what happen now?
see ah
sok = random queen
liu = get lost queen
siew = mai
OR
siew + mai = v^^v
siew says:
o.o
why is sok the random queen
† Petar! Traceur. says:
idk leh. she said she's random
siew says:
and wl the v^^v thing is bb lah not me
PLEASE DONT PUT US TOGETHER ._.
† Petar! Traceur. says:
oh ya you'rre the ._. queen
3._.E
that's your hair. lol.
siew says:
huh ._.
why like that one.
† Petar! Traceur. says:
dunno
you straighten 1 side and perm the other
siew says:
HUH.
† Petar! Traceur. says:
lol
but where got half curly half straight!
† Petar! Traceur. says:
*she perm halfway
- HCBowl Sok Khoong says:
*LOL she never perm hair!
† Petar! Traceur. says:
*then forgot to perm the other cause she go fris
*haha FRIZZBEE

hahahaha peter koh wei chang! never fail to amuse me. lol.

i love you more than you'll ever know,
but im not good enough.

2009-07-18T23:51:00.002+08:00

of worry.

hmm quite worried for sok, who's down with fever. >< and there's shaun, matthew and ky who are quarantined too. >< heard that matthew's down with fever too. oh mannnnn get well soon! D:

ky's post is quite true, but hmm, idk. maybe because the H1N1 flu isnt catogorized as "life-threatening" and hence people are just complacent about the situation, or the seriousness of the epidemic. cause apparently, our government's also taking it like a normal flu. :/

-----

"it looks like a weakling doesnt it?

it's stronger than it looks. how long do you think it took to make him strong like that?

it got rolled on, stepped on, and cut on.
it had to endure a heat of 1300 degrees.

but that's not the end of it.
if it doesnt become yours even after all of that hardship, then you have to give up on it cleanly.

in order to get stronger,
and in order to find something that is truly yours,
im saying that there are steps for you to pass."

i'd have to find the way now.

2009-07-17T23:29:00.004+08:00

i fell in love with lifehouse's blind.

i feel bad. really. today's just a bad day, with results (GRAHHH ECONSSSS. D<) and elections, and pretty much relationships stuff. quite worried for sok too, heard she's down with fever and her class got 5 people MC. >< then david wasnt feeling well either. D: and shaun, matthew and ky's class all kena quarantined. >< omgggg people please take careeeeeeeeee. DDDD:

im darn angry and upset with my econs. D: seriously.

anyway congrats to the new comm! :D woooo all the zai people inside. :D we've got no worries now.

talked to(messaged) david alot today, reflected on everything.
i feel like an idiot, i've been living my life in a hole.
i've been in denial, been escaping reality.
idiot idiot idiot.

maybe i'll never be there.
i can only dream to be.

why am i the one. D:
the one with everything gone wronggggg. D:

oh and sorry jiajie (band) for pangsehing you today. >< cause of elections. omg i forgot now it's just left with YOU, and ONLY YOU, ONE TUBA, to support the whole band, if im not there. >< im really sorry sorry sorry D:

i realised there's stuff i've neglected, and alot of things i've got to put right.
like not daoing band cause people like jiajie still needs me.

i hate being so weak. D:
i need to be strongerrrr.

hmmmm. contemplative, reflecting.
everything's still in a messsss.
it's time to mug now.

2009-07-16T23:36:00.003+08:00

"SIA LAHHH, BRUDDERRRR!" - shengjie hahahaha.

today was a happy day! :D i guess haha. for most of it, except the returning of math paper part. (zzzz omg tmr econs, my only hope died) flicked during break and after school, after my interview with the J2s, which was quite short as compared to yongquan's lol. hahaha. then FLICK FLICK FLICK. fun! :D

saw the same OG people again today, wenhao, benja, jasmine, jiaming! :DDD LOVES. and benja was teaching jasmine chem! pro benja HAHA.

stupid nicholas keeps niaoing me. roarrr.

decided to play some random boardgame with jiaming, oli, shengjie, yongquan and weijie after that, and it was quite hilarious cause weijie acted like some gambling god, and he was like "now i need a 6 to reach 100" -throws dice and 6 appears- LOL. hahah all of us were like KUDOS TO HIM cause he was like the first to finish, calmly, unlike some other people HAHAHA. then after jiaming and weijie left, shaun and nelson came to take their places and we played the submarine game, which was also quite lame cause nelson kept getting stuck at a glitch, and shengjie and oli just kept following me on the board. zzzzzzzzz. hahahha. but still, we had fun.

after yongquan ended (he was the first to end btw, having comeback from being the last in the previous game LOL.) then we went over to the central plaza to flick with the J2s. :D fun fun fun. shengjie was darn hilarious with his malay accent and "BRUDDERRRR." lol.

went home quite late, and quite tired, but it was funnn. :D hahahaha.

hmm what tmr brings, we wouldnt know. jiayou to all the other people running! :D

2009-07-15T20:18:00.007+08:00

i fell in love with this.
much said about how i feel.

Blind- Lifehouse

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

anyway, pictures! :D

HWACHONGGGG!!! :D

haha the whole of team one rushing into the field to taupok/hug sijie when he layout and scored our very last point of the day.

us pouring the ice cold water onto coach after match. hahaha. his expression says it all. :D

Frisbee J1 girls! :D (minus jasmine. ><)

what can i say, LOVE HC ULTIMATE! <3

looking through the pictures made me happy haha, reading all the hilarious comments on random funny pictures, remembering what we did on that day.

we've worked hard, we've played hard, we've partied hard.

now it's kinda back to reality. D:

------

alot of stuffs' been happening, my mind's been a whirl haha. every random thing that happens everyday just makes me o.O haha. class stuff, frisbee stuff. hmmmm.

met alot of OG people today! :D benja came to teach jasmine and i how to do chem after school, and met wenhao on the bus on the way home. talked about frisbee, og. I MISS OUR OG. wenhao says to have SUCESSFUL OG OUTING after promos! :D -nodssssss- very good hahahaha. i miss og people alot.

been randoming alot with david also haha. cause he knows what i've been thinking about. pw lecture yesterday was quite fun cause david and i crashed, and we ended up playing games/daoing the lecturer/sharing stupid secrets LOL. hahaha. :D

although interjc's over, fortunately i still have fun flicking after school, and i still see teammates in school like almost everyday. :D if not i'd be so bored. last night's mass convo was so O.O hahaha hilarious. oli, jiaming, shengjie, chinteck, khai chien, yongquan. omggg put all of them together and you get mass niaoing session/ stupid lame random crap. zzzzzzz. and yongquan's jokes are all, as shengjie puts it "negative degrees liaoo" so lame. haha. and talk about racial harmony. ._.

talked abit to chinteck, yongquan and weijie after school today. probably the first time i've ever done so, cause normally i dont really dare to erm, talk to them? hahahaha. and aiyaaaa, yongquan and chinteck put together, you get disaster lol. both of them are darn hilarious lahhhh.

AND today i FINALLY talked to kexin! i havent seen her in ages omgggg. though we didnt talk long, but oh my, i really missed her alot. all the band stuff the came flashing back to me hahaha. :D LOVES. <3

okay this post is pretty incoherent, cause im basically not really thinking properly now. >< there's alot on my mind, and god, i really think alot. sometimes just too much. D: but thanks jasmine and david and e-hui for always being there, for everything hahaha.

and oh yes, i dont really want this week to end. everything's happening too fast, i havent got to know the seniors better, and suddenly it's passing down??!?! D: oh man. this is probably why i treasure each day that i see e-hui, how long more do we have left?

i regret it. i regret not taking the initiative. D:

2009-07-12T21:52:00.002+08:00

of sunshine and rain.

how ironic. i feel flooded with emotions really. happiness, sadness, regret, envy, disappointment, failed.
but yet, i really feel empty.

i dont think i can last longer. & i really hate myself for it.
why arent i stronger?

if i give up now, it's me giving up on it.
it hasnt given up on me.
it will never give up on me.

it'll be me letting it down.
me disappointing everyone.

much much longer can i hold on?

there's alot of stuff on my mind, but this isnt really the place to clear everthing.
im glad i still have david and peter to rant to.

grah i just feel pure evil lah.
who am i to say anything.
who the hell am i.

2009-07-11T23:42:00.003+08:00

"im doing this just for the love of the game" - Mr Yeong

interjc today. HCULT won third! woohooo! :D

went down to sengkang after public speaking workshop (zzzzzzz) to support them, and whoo, must say the matches which i saw them play were really excitinggg :D like shengjie D-ing marcus twice, shaun's imba outisde-in (out of the field and curved back into the field to nicholas!) huck, and nicholas's layouts hahahaha. :D

had alot of fun and laughter. :D watching teammates play made us realise how much we have grown, though there's still alot more to learn and a long way to go. all of us came together and stayed together for the love of frisbee, and we've worked hard for this. now that interjc's over, this probably marks the beginning of a year's journey towards next year's interjc.

so this is what it's all about. it's about us playing hard and fighting for the disc to the very last minute of the game, us having fun just flicking the disc, us doing hucks and skying, us doing layouts and dirtying our jerseys with mud just for the fun of it, and us dumping mr yeong, marcus and lincoln into the mud LOL.

especially us layingout for nothing hahaha. the team 2 guys gathered after match and compared who's shirt was the cleanest, and the one with the cleanest shirt would have to do a layout in a swimming pool. hahaha melvin went high and came up with this idea, and then became the first to layout into the swimming pool. then shengjie and yongquan followed suit, hahaha yongquan with his white ~~skins~~ armour LOL. darn hilarious. shengjie was totally complaining about his "colourful" shirt soaked in grass/mud/rainwater due to his "highness" LOL. then he proceeded to drown himself with water to wash off all the grass and mud hahahhaa.

our seniors are imbaaaa. watched the match between rj and hc team a (for 3rd and 4th placing) and woohooo damn nice. lily was like layout/dive catch every disc, marcus/sijie/kanzy were like d-ing and skying and scoringg, lincoln and yuzheng had like darn nice pulls and passes. hahahah. scored 8-3 if im not wrong, and kangwee was at the sidelines saying stuff like "SIUEEEE!" (in hokkien) then pauses and changes to "BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL!" or "awww not beautiful. D:" LOL. damn hilarious lah. sidelines were practically cheering every point and everytime HC scored whoo! :D last point was the best lahhh. moved up the field pretty quickly, then called for endzone play, then scored with lincoln (or yuzheng, cant remember) assisting to sijie, who layout scored. WHOOOO ZAAAAIIIIIIIII. :D

had fun flicking with the guys. attempted to sky nicholas and shengjie to no avail ._. fail lahhh. totally cannot catch disc. the only time i had the chance to get the disc was when someone threw an off-huck and i ran to catch it, BUT STUPID JIAJIE came from behind and ROAR at me, then i got affected and fumbled. wts. ._. zzzzz.

and ian is super imba. the whole group of us, including jiajie, jiaming, oli, shengjie, nicholas, derrick, khai chien, ian, matthew, yong quan and i were all standing in a crowd, fighting for disc, and ian gets most of it. siao lah, his hang time super long, jump damn high somemore. prooooo.

watching the AC vs RJ matches were very inspiring. see their guys jump and sky like nothing, see their girls layout and score like nothing. imba lahhh. and they're all like super fast! D: grah.

pearlyn won female MVP, lily and sijie were voted into the dream team, team a won superpool and team b won best spirited team hahahaha. yayy! :D

oh thanks xiangjing, chai, cheeshan and jonquek for coming down. chai and cheeshan just for being there, jonquek for helping us take photos omgggg ><, and xiangjing for messaging me live updates from sengkang when i was stuck in school LOL hahahaha thanks thanks thanks! :D

and of course, our wonderful J3s, daryl, jiawei, jack, kangwee, huanzi, dayong. we wouldnt have been here without them. seriously.

& we saw a rainbow today. :D

-------

the thing you love the most, can be the most joyful.
but sometimes, it can also be the most hurtful.

another long train ride home alone. grah i think too much.
it's tiring. ><
how long more can i last.

"hahahah we should have a *** ** HATE DAY." -david.
thanks david for letting me rant heh.
shit lahhh, why our problems so similarrr. sucks. D:

okay damn tired already.
slept for 4 hours ytd because of the night festival at the national musuem, which i must say was really worth, though the performance ended at like 11. then this morning got public speaking somemore. ._.

i should stop thinking.

2009-07-11T01:07:00.004+08:00

look at the time, i just got home from night festival. ><
but waiting in the field outside the national museum under the starry sky for half an hour was worth the 15 minutes long of fireworks display. :D pretty pretty. <3

today was full of ups and downs, but mostly ups. :D thanks jasmine and e-hui for being there hahaha. love teammates. :D

------

remember this?

'What does Ultimate mean to you?'

Trust. Ultimate is a game of trust; teamwork is crucial, no one man plays alone.

When you flick to someone cutting in or running deep, trust that s/he will catch it.
When you run towards the handler, trust that the disc will be put nicely to you.
When you are having a hard time flicking the disc forward, trust that a dump will be behind for you.
As long as on field, trust that your teammates are putting in their best.

Ultimate means trusting your friends no matter what.

we've came together because of a common passion, a common goal.
hung out together for the past 5 months for trainings, talked, laughed, cried, made memories.
this means alot to most of us.

in 7 hours time, they'd be down at sengkang fields playing.
we've pretty much worked hard for this, it all comes down to tmr.

go HCULT! we can do this! :D

2009-07-09T21:33:00.005+08:00

you're looking for a rainbow,
but it died not long ago.
it tried to shine just for you until the end.

by your side- tokio hotel

today is a happy day! :D

both breaks have been really fun, flicked around with frisbee gang again, including melvin, chongwei, oli, shengjie, jiaming, jiajie, yongquan, portia, nicholas, danette and e-hui lol. haha flicked around with jiaming's and e-hui's NEW disc LOL. hahaha. and sok was watching us and getting amused by jiaming collecting money from those who drop his disc LOL. hahahaha. loves. <3

after school, went over to island creamery to makan ice cream with sok. eat, laugh, rubbished and then went home. planned to chiong eom but no motivation, until now. hahaha. ppphhhhaaaaaiiiilllll.

im only looking forward to tmr, cause it's when i'll get to see frisbee people again! :D

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found this on tom's (kaulitz! :D) blog and though it was pretty cool.

Stumm (Xenja) by famous german rapper, Samy Deluxe.

it's in german though, cant find the lyrics, but the video's doing most of the explanation already. basically the whole song revolves around the idea of Big Brother watching us haha. pretty cool miniture stuff! :D

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Wir schaffen es zusammen,
We’ll do it together
Übers Ende dieser Welt,
Over the end of the world
die hinter uns zerfällt.
Which is falling to pieces behind us

Übers Ende der Welt (over the end of the world)- tokio hotel
(ready set go)

interjc in 2 days.
wir schaffen es zusammen. :D

edit:

Inter-JC is postponed to next Saturday due to some H1N1 thingy. Please inform the rest if you're reading this.

It will NOT be further postponed. At the very most, cancelled.

hohum, is this a blessing in disguise?

okay. whatever im feeling pretty much said by others. guess it's enough said.
dissapointment, anxiety, anticipation once again.

okay chiong pw and homework this weekend liao. ><
/edit

2009-07-09T00:02:00.003+08:00

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

from the inside out - hillsong united.

training with coach at west coast park was fun. :D
i guess our zone is getting better, though i've failed alot of times today. D:

my throws are still very inconsistent, "temperamental" (haha). >< sucks.
i've lost my backhand, and hucks ._. and regain my forehand once again.

thanks tess alot alot for lending me her tracks shoes and cleats, jingyi for her shirt, and jasmine for her socks. oh man. >< sorry for all the trouble i've brought. D: sorry sorry sorry.

interjc's in 2 days.
jiayou HCULT! :D
we'll be in this together.