being a sec 4, makes one feel old.

as a 16 year olds (finally),

we realise how mundane our lives have been for the last 3 years, how much lies have been put in to cover up the whole ugly truth, how much pain and effort our seniors have actually put in just for us, how materialistic and unfeeling and cold we've been all these while.

at last, we see the other side of things from the other point of view, we see the whole ugly truth, we understand how our seniors must have felt, we feel the pain and sympathise with those less fortunate.

yet, as "elitists" i suppose, we can never escape the fact that we will always compete with each other, how we will always compare, or vile and "fight" for the top.

after seeing the whole "truth", dont you think all these competition is so childish?

i dont see why others always even care to involve themselves with all these mess, why they always want to be as smart as whoever, as brilliant as whoever, as pretty as whoever.

it's just plain pointless. it's not like you can ever be them.

that's probably why im so weary of others, afraid that one day i'll get backstabbed, or one day i'll just be compared against.

or one day i'll just be like them.

it's not nice puting down another when you yourself arent even good.

i seek independance, and sometimes even solitude. i become anti social. i close the door to the open world. i limit my circle of friends.

i seek my own true self inside. cause i just wanna be me.

the reason why im so in love with tokio hotel, is probably because they provide so much energy in their song to let me escape reality, and be self-delusional.

who the hell am i?