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Friday, July 31, 2009
 it's good to know that i still have people like david, peter and e-hui whom i can really trust and tell everything to, i still have people in HCULT, like shengjie, oli, ian, nelson and jiajie, who never fail to unknowingly brighten up my day with their retardedness. :D whenever i find myself losing grip, when i feel like i cant hold on or go on any longer, i think back and all i can see are my teammates, the guys who've inspired me so much as to strive harder and perservere, so as to find my own joy and happiness. it's under their guidance and inspiration that i wanna learn to do the hammers, hucks, skies, Ds and curves properly, though i'll never be able to match up to them. their hard work and proness inspires me, train hard, play hard. now, it's the same thing happening again. this week sucked, but frisbee never failed to brighten up my day. :D this is only the beginning. i dont want tmr to come, but at the same time, i want today to end too. this is confusing, tiring. i'll pull through this. ich liebe Tom! 11:19 PM Tuesday, July 28, 2009
looking through his photos, i recalled what she said. i cant help but to agree with her now. what if i hadnt gone this way? i cant help but to think, would life be different from what it is now? i wouldnt be studying how chemical reactions work, how cells multiply, but how the earth works, and how history is still alive within us. i would be studying beethoven, mozart, or even my favourite, debussy. i might have been able to do better, knowing what i wanna do, loving what im doing. but no, that was what if. i cant help but to feel envious. he's got everything i've wanted. im left with, nothing. condemned to the bottom of the hierachy, probably never to be able to see light again. he's loving what he's doing. im- what am i doing? what am i doing? urgh this is not happening again. it should have stopped long ago. Labels: ramblings ich liebe Tom! 1:07 AM Sunday, July 26, 2009
 there's dark times ahead. i need to be strong. those will be the times where i think back and reminiscence, look back at our journey together, see the faces of people whom i really love, care and cherish. im grateful for the memories, i just dont know how to express my gradtitude. maybe i'll pen it down in that book, and maybe next year, i'll read what i've written, and realise what i've really been thankful for. for the people around me, the people who've i've drawn my courage from. it's because of you that im still here, still fighting along this path, and that im still hanging on. whatever happens for the next few weeks, even if i have to let go, i'll still be hanging on. even if im not there, im still holding on. even if im not there, i'll still be thinking of it. waiting, anticipating, feeling, yearning. but then again, reading someone's post made me realise im not needed. there's so many of us, one less wouldnt hurt. im nothing to them. this situation is probably different from the one 4 years ago, because now we're assuming the same roles. of what importance do i have? im not good enough. looking around, i realise i will never be. no matter how hard i try, i'll never be as good as them. just because there's more than just being good on my plate, and im not giving myself wholly to either. what good am i. ----- just watched last year's farewell video, and i realised this is why i cant really let go. the concerts, the tears, the hardwork, the triumph. the music. the journey we travelled together, some of us 4 years and counting, some of us merely half a year. though i've had my grudges against it, i guess it's the performance, concerts and the music that had me going. the feeling on stage, the applause. and now, (both) farewell's coming. it's probably the most dreaded thing that can happen (after elections) D: im in denial. wts i dont really want to face reality. ich bin tot. wth am i going to do now. Labels: HCband, HCult, ramblings, thoughts ich liebe Tom! 10:31 PM Wednesday, July 22, 2009
i feel darn irritated. having put in everything i had, why isit that i still dont get it. grahhh why isit that i still dont make it. i will work harder. wts, i have to. focus. i will get that A. Labels: ramblings ich liebe Tom! 9:47 PM Tuesday, July 21, 2009
today could have been a happy day. training was real fun. & then the question comes back again. if i give up, i'll really just be giving up on myself. i'll be giving up on another passion. i'll be breaking all my promises to myself. and the whole cycle will just repeat itself again. i hate it. just because im _____ means i cant do everything else. wts. this time it's for real. i should have been stronger, mentally. mind over body, mind over body. Labels: HCult ich liebe Tom! 10:56 PM Monday, July 20, 2009
of peter koh once again.
Labels: ramblings ich liebe Tom! 10:20 PM i love talking to peter. he makes me realise alot of stuff. i really think im blessed. the people around me have helped me alot. the seniors, frisbee de (brudders LOL), zoo, david & peter mostly. hmmm. made me rethink my actions, realise stuff, take action and lead life. hahaha i miss you guys alot. <3 ich liebe Tom! 12:55 AM Sunday, July 19, 2009
of random rubbish again.
hahahaha peter koh wei chang! never fail to amuse me. lol. i love you more than you'll ever know, but im not good enough. Labels: ramblings ich liebe Tom! 7:23 PM Saturday, July 18, 2009
of worry. hmm quite worried for sok, who's down with fever. >< and there's shaun, matthew and ky who are quarantined too. >< heard that matthew's down with fever too. oh mannnnn get well soon! D: ky's post is quite true, but hmm, idk. maybe because the H1N1 flu isnt catogorized as "life-threatening" and hence people are just complacent about the situation, or the seriousness of the epidemic. cause apparently, our government's also taking it like a normal flu. :/ -----
i'd have to find the way now. Labels: ramblings ich liebe Tom! 11:51 PM Friday, July 17, 2009
i fell in love with lifehouse's blind. i feel bad. really. today's just a bad day, with results (GRAHHH ECONSSSS. D<) and elections, and pretty much relationships stuff. quite worried for sok too, heard she's down with fever and her class got 5 people MC. >< then david wasnt feeling well either. D: and shaun, matthew and ky's class all kena quarantined. >< omgggg people please take careeeeeeeeee. DDDD: im darn angry and upset with my econs. D: seriously. anyway congrats to the new comm! :D woooo all the zai people inside. :D we've got no worries now. talked to(messaged) david alot today, reflected on everything. i feel like an idiot, i've been living my life in a hole. i've been in denial, been escaping reality. idiot idiot idiot. maybe i'll never be there. i can only dream to be. why am i the one. D: the one with everything gone wronggggg. D: oh and sorry jiajie (band) for pangsehing you today. >< cause of elections. omg i forgot now it's just left with YOU, and ONLY YOU, ONE TUBA, to support the whole band, if im not there. >< im really sorry sorry sorry D: i realised there's stuff i've neglected, and alot of things i've got to put right. like not daoing band cause people like jiajie still needs me. i hate being so weak. D: i need to be strongerrrr. hmmmm. contemplative, reflecting. everything's still in a messsss. it's time to mug now. Labels: HCult, ramblings, school ich liebe Tom! 11:29 PM Thursday, July 16, 2009
"SIA LAHHH, BRUDDERRRR!" - shengjie hahahaha. today was a happy day! :D i guess haha. for most of it, except the returning of math paper part. (zzzz omg tmr econs, my only hope died) flicked during break and after school, after my interview with the J2s, which was quite short as compared to yongquan's lol. hahaha. then FLICK FLICK FLICK. fun! :D saw the same OG people again today, wenhao, benja, jasmine, jiaming! :DDD LOVES. and benja was teaching jasmine chem! pro benja HAHA. stupid nicholas keeps niaoing me. roarrr. decided to play some random boardgame with jiaming, oli, shengjie, yongquan and weijie after that, and it was quite hilarious cause weijie acted like some gambling god, and he was like "now i need a 6 to reach 100" -throws dice and 6 appears- LOL. hahah all of us were like KUDOS TO HIM cause he was like the first to finish, calmly, unlike some other people HAHAHA. then after jiaming and weijie left, shaun and nelson came to take their places and we played the submarine game, which was also quite lame cause nelson kept getting stuck at a glitch, and shengjie and oli just kept following me on the board. zzzzzzzzz. hahahha. but still, we had fun. after yongquan ended (he was the first to end btw, having comeback from being the last in the previous game LOL.) then we went over to the central plaza to flick with the J2s. :D fun fun fun. shengjie was darn hilarious with his malay accent and "BRUDDERRRR." lol. went home quite late, and quite tired, but it was funnn. :D hahahaha. hmm what tmr brings, we wouldnt know. jiayou to all the other people running! :D ich liebe Tom! 11:36 PM Wednesday, July 15, 2009
i fell in love with this. much said about how i feel.
anyway, pictures! :D  HWACHONGGGG!!! :D  haha the whole of team one rushing into the field to taupok/hug sijie when he layout and scored our very last point of the day.  us pouring the ice cold water onto coach after match. hahaha. his expression says it all. :D  Frisbee J1 girls! :D (minus jasmine. ><)  what can i say, LOVE HC ULTIMATE! <3 looking through the pictures made me happy haha, reading all the hilarious comments on random funny pictures, remembering what we did on that day. we've worked hard, we've played hard, we've partied hard. now it's kinda back to reality. D: ------ alot of stuffs' been happening, my mind's been a whirl haha. every random thing that happens everyday just makes me o.O haha. class stuff, frisbee stuff. hmmmm. met alot of OG people today! :D benja came to teach jasmine and i how to do chem after school, and met wenhao on the bus on the way home. talked about frisbee, og. I MISS OUR OG. wenhao says to have SUCESSFUL OG OUTING after promos! :D -nodssssss- very good hahahaha. i miss og people alot. been randoming alot with david also haha. cause he knows what i've been thinking about. pw lecture yesterday was quite fun cause david and i crashed, and we ended up playing games/daoing the lecturer/sharing stupid secrets LOL. hahaha. :D although interjc's over, fortunately i still have fun flicking after school, and i still see teammates in school like almost everyday. :D if not i'd be so bored. last night's mass convo was so O.O hahaha hilarious. oli, jiaming, shengjie, chinteck, khai chien, yongquan. omggg put all of them together and you get mass niaoing session/ stupid lame random crap. zzzzzzz. and yongquan's jokes are all, as shengjie puts it "negative degrees liaoo" so lame. haha. and talk about racial harmony. ._. talked abit to chinteck, yongquan and weijie after school today. probably the first time i've ever done so, cause normally i dont really dare to erm, talk to them? hahahaha. and aiyaaaa, yongquan and chinteck put together, you get disaster lol. both of them are darn hilarious lahhhh. AND today i FINALLY talked to kexin! i havent seen her in ages omgggg. though we didnt talk long, but oh my, i really missed her alot. all the band stuff the came flashing back to me hahaha. :D LOVES. <3 okay this post is pretty incoherent, cause im basically not really thinking properly now. >< there's alot on my mind, and god, i really think alot. sometimes just too much. D: but thanks jasmine and david and e-hui for always being there, for everything hahaha. and oh yes, i dont really want this week to end. everything's happening too fast, i havent got to know the seniors better, and suddenly it's passing down??!?! D: oh man. this is probably why i treasure each day that i see e-hui, how long more do we have left? i regret it. i regret not taking the initiative. D: Labels: HCult, music, OG 13, ramblings ich liebe Tom! 8:18 PM Sunday, July 12, 2009
of sunshine and rain. how ironic. i feel flooded with emotions really. happiness, sadness, regret, envy, disappointment, failed. but yet, i really feel empty. i dont think i can last longer. & i really hate myself for it. why arent i stronger? if i give up now, it's me giving up on it. it hasnt given up on me. it will never give up on me. it'll be me letting it down. me disappointing everyone. much much longer can i hold on? there's alot of stuff on my mind, but this isnt really the place to clear everthing. im glad i still have david and peter to rant to. grah i just feel pure evil lah. who am i to say anything. who the hell am i. Labels: ramblings ich liebe Tom! 9:52 PM Saturday, July 11, 2009
"im doing this just for the love of the game" - Mr Yeong interjc today. HCULT won third! woohooo! :D went down to sengkang after public speaking workshop (zzzzzzz) to support them, and whoo, must say the matches which i saw them play were really excitinggg :D like shengjie D-ing marcus twice, shaun's imba outisde-in (out of the field and curved back into the field to nicholas!) huck, and nicholas's layouts hahahaha. :D had alot of fun and laughter. :D watching teammates play made us realise how much we have grown, though there's still alot more to learn and a long way to go. all of us came together and stayed together for the love of frisbee, and we've worked hard for this. now that interjc's over, this probably marks the beginning of a year's journey towards next year's interjc. so this is what it's all about. it's about us playing hard and fighting for the disc to the very last minute of the game, us having fun just flicking the disc, us doing hucks and skying, us doing layouts and dirtying our jerseys with mud just for the fun of it, and us dumping mr yeong, marcus and lincoln into the mud LOL. especially us layingout for nothing hahaha. the team 2 guys gathered after match and compared who's shirt was the cleanest, and the one with the cleanest shirt would have to do a layout in a swimming pool. hahaha melvin went high and came up with this idea, and then became the first to layout into the swimming pool. then shengjie and yongquan followed suit, hahaha yongquan with his white our seniors are imbaaaa. watched the match between rj and hc team a (for 3rd and 4th placing) and woohooo damn nice. lily was like layout/dive catch every disc, marcus/sijie/kanzy were like d-ing and skying and scoringg, lincoln and yuzheng had like darn nice pulls and passes. hahahah. scored 8-3 if im not wrong, and kangwee was at the sidelines saying stuff like "SIUEEEE!" (in hokkien) then pauses and changes to "BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL!" or "awww not beautiful. D:" LOL. damn hilarious lah. sidelines were practically cheering every point and everytime HC scored whoo! :D last point was the best lahhh. moved up the field pretty quickly, then called for endzone play, then scored with lincoln (or yuzheng, cant remember) assisting to sijie, who layout scored. WHOOOO ZAAAAIIIIIIIII. :D had fun flicking with the guys. attempted to sky nicholas and shengjie to no avail ._. fail lahhh. totally cannot catch disc. the only time i had the chance to get the disc was when someone threw an off-huck and i ran to catch it, BUT STUPID JIAJIE came from behind and ROAR at me, then i got affected and fumbled. wts. ._. zzzzz. and ian is super imba. the whole group of us, including jiajie, jiaming, oli, shengjie, nicholas, derrick, khai chien, ian, matthew, yong quan and i were all standing in a crowd, fighting for disc, and ian gets most of it. siao lah, his hang time super long, jump damn high somemore. prooooo. watching the AC vs RJ matches were very inspiring. see their guys jump and sky like nothing, see their girls layout and score like nothing. imba lahhh. and they're all like super fast! D: grah. pearlyn won female MVP, lily and sijie were voted into the dream team, team a won superpool and team b won best spirited team hahahaha. yayy! :D oh thanks xiangjing, chai, cheeshan and jonquek for coming down. chai and cheeshan just for being there, jonquek for helping us take photos omgggg ><, and xiangjing for messaging me live updates from sengkang when i was stuck in school LOL hahahaha thanks thanks thanks! :D and of course, our wonderful J3s, daryl, jiawei, jack, kangwee, huanzi, dayong. we wouldnt have been here without them. seriously. & we saw a rainbow today. :D ------- the thing you love the most, can be the most joyful. but sometimes, it can also be the most hurtful. another long train ride home alone. grah i think too much. it's tiring. >< how long more can i last. "hahahah we should have a *** ** HATE DAY." -david. thanks david for letting me rant heh. shit lahhh, why our problems so similarrr. sucks. D: okay damn tired already. slept for 4 hours ytd because of the night festival at the national musuem, which i must say was really worth, though the performance ended at like 11. then this morning got public speaking somemore. ._. i should stop thinking. ich liebe Tom! 11:42 PM  look at the time, i just got home from night festival. >< but waiting in the field outside the national museum under the starry sky for half an hour was worth the 15 minutes long of fireworks display. :D pretty pretty. <3 today was full of ups and downs, but mostly ups. :D thanks jasmine and e-hui for being there hahaha. love teammates. :D ------ remember this?
we've came together because of a common passion, a common goal. hung out together for the past 5 months for trainings, talked, laughed, cried, made memories. this means alot to most of us. in 7 hours time, they'd be down at sengkang fields playing. we've pretty much worked hard for this, it all comes down to tmr. go HCULT! we can do this! :D Labels: HCult ich liebe Tom! 1:07 AM Thursday, July 9, 2009
today is a happy day! :D both breaks have been really fun, flicked around with frisbee gang again, including melvin, chongwei, oli, shengjie, jiaming, jiajie, yongquan, portia, nicholas, danette and e-hui lol. haha flicked around with jiaming's and e-hui's NEW disc LOL. hahaha. and sok was watching us and getting amused by jiaming collecting money from those who drop his disc LOL. hahahaha. loves. <3 after school, went over to island creamery to makan ice cream with sok. eat, laugh, rubbished and then went home. planned to chiong eom but no motivation, until now. hahaha. ppphhhhaaaaaiiiilllll. im only looking forward to tmr, cause it's when i'll get to see frisbee people again! :D ---- found this on tom's (kaulitz! :D) blog and though it was pretty cool. Stumm (Xenja) by famous german rapper, Samy Deluxe. it's in german though, cant find the lyrics, but the video's doing most of the explanation already. basically the whole song revolves around the idea of Big Brother watching us haha. pretty cool miniture stuff! :D ----
interjc in 2 days. wir schaffen es zusammen. :D edit:
hohum, is this a blessing in disguise? okay. whatever im feeling pretty much said by others. guess it's enough said. dissapointment, anxiety, anticipation once again. okay chiong pw and homework this weekend liao. >< /edit ich liebe Tom! 9:33 PM 
training with coach at west coast park was fun. :D i guess our zone is getting better, though i've failed alot of times today. D: my throws are still very inconsistent, "temperamental" (haha). >< sucks. i've lost my backhand, and hucks ._. and regain my forehand once again. thanks tess alot alot for lending me her tracks shoes and cleats, jingyi for her shirt, and jasmine for her socks. oh man. >< sorry for all the trouble i've brought. D: sorry sorry sorry. interjc's in 2 days. jiayou HCULT! :D we'll be in this together. ich liebe Tom! 12:02 AM Tuesday, July 7, 2009
it's the 7th night of july! :D remember this? the seventh night of July.
seems like yesterday when SYF 05 was just over. and our batch, as sec 1s, were listening to our band performance for SYF at SCH. such a meaningful piece certainly brings back many memories. the anticipation, excitement and nerves before you head on stage, the applause of the crowd and the anxiety before hearing the results. haha. seems like yesterday when we were still sec 1s. young and innocent (LOL). now we're old. & our batch's the last batch from nyband to have heard the 7th night of july. ---- anxiety. who knows what tmr brings. ich liebe Tom! 11:27 PM Monday, July 6, 2009
 it's one of the days where i hate long rides home alone. long rides home make me think alot. reflect on what i've done today. the day's happenings. today, it just made me feel worse. -------- zzzz i shouldnt be thinking about that. think about happy stuff! :D like today's pick-up at sengkang. omg finally frisbee! :D haha daryl took us in the rain. and it was pretty fun playing in the rain, though the "swimming pools" in the field were pretty gross. nicholas was darn hilarious screaming everytime he had to run through a swimming pool. and daryl kept calling nicholas nelson LOL. after daryl and huan zi left, we J1s stayed back to play match, but it turned out to be random play lol. people like melvin, jiajie and nicholas darn zihigh. all of us just random played in the end. haha darn hilarious. was laughing like mad at some of the stuff they did lol. oh and how could we forget yong quan the disc knight (in his white armour)! LOL. he and his imba skins, super imba today lah. happy happy. :D haha i feel like a kid now. went dinner with jiawen, portia, wei jie, shaun, melvin, nelson, jiajie, ian, sheng jie, yong quan, oli. haha talked, played cai quan, then went home. ------ i dont get it. D: i thought i've gained your acceptance. that's why i went out. but now, you're telling me it's back to square one. i've regrettably let go of many passions. i'm not letting go of this one. ------ okay yay thanks peter for accompaniying me on my way home through messaging LOL. or else i would have gone mad. >< LOVES. thanks sok for letting me rant at you. thanks kevin and oli for cheering me up at the end of the day hahaha. :D ich liebe Tom! 10:26 PM  i feel blessed. thankyou. :D ich liebe Tom! 10:17 AM Saturday, July 4, 2009
 recognise the disc? :D listening to ky's blog song! :D from the inside out- hillsong united. oh happy 4th july! (america's national day!) :D blocks are over. finally. but this is probably just the beginning. :/ pretty much screwed up every single paper. even econs, which was supposedly my only hope, died. grahh. totally screwed up bio math and chem. zzzzz gg liao. thurs after math was pretty agonizing. watching the carefree physics people flicking in the field hahaha. but ahh it's good see the disc flying in the air again. :D yesterday after bio, met up with frisbee people (finally). it's good to see everyone again! :D (even though i totally felt darn screwed after bio and seriously felt URGH I WANNA CRY.) flicked around, got high, laughed like siao at people again. :D yayyy happy happy. after that went lan with jiaming, shaun and oli, while nelson yongquan e-hui and shengjie went to play pool, and the frisbee girls went out for girls outing, which i couldnt join cause my ma didnt want me to go town. >< had alot of fun with shaun, oli and jiaming haahhaa. especially with me suddenly hanging off the roof from nowhere and oli had to save me, then i died again cause i jumped off from the roof. ._. and the one where i kena tank, jiaming kena hunter, and oli got shot to death by shaun, who was the only one surviving the game LOL. i was darn noob. died in every game zzzzz. 
hahahaha. :D how can i forgot i still have you guys. today was pretty much gloomy, though in the morning i was quite zi-high. hahaha. i mean, who isnt, BLOCKS ARE OVER. naturally everyone's high. but grah i couldnt go for training. I BET IT'S MY MOM'S SECRET EVIL PLAN TO MAKE ME GIRLY. seriously. instead of playing frisbee out there in the sun, i was made to stay at home and bake. D: @#$% okay lah. i dont mind baking. but you dont seriously need a mom and 3 daughters in the kitchen to bake brownies and cake right. D< roarrr. grah okay at least i made my ma happy lah. and got food to eat. but i couldnt go trainnn D: sian diao. i wanna get out. go out and play. today was such a beautiful day. why the hell was i at home instead of outside?! D:  this is pretty cool.
source: singaporeultimate.com hahaha. yay goooooo HCULT! :D okay i really wanna get out tmr. if not i'll really go mad. D: grah why hc postpone our sabbats D: Labels: HCult, ramblings, school ich liebe Tom! 11:35 PM Thursday, July 2, 2009
 on the bus ride home today, i saw some kranji sec school kids boarding the bus with a red frisbee. :D so pretty. simple stuff like these can make me smile. everyday (of this week), i've been telling myself how it would have been a happy day if there werent any tests. it's great to see the people you love again. <3 the feeling i got today after math, hahaha. it's great to see the disc flying around again. :D i cant wait. in less than 24 hours, i'll be free. (: ich liebe Tom! 6:45 PM |
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