fell in love with jon schmidt's love story meets viva la vida all over again. the cello and the piano! :DDD love love love. somehow i miss the feeling of being on stage, the performance and the audiences' applause.
----
the sky's been very blue.
happy teachers' day to all. hahaha. and for those whom are my personal mentors! (e.g. E-HUI, JIAMING, SHENGJIE, IAN, JASMINE.) hahah for teaching me my homework, and helping me improve my throws alot alot alot. :DDDD yay lovesss! <3
-----
I just want you to hug me one more time, because the only thing in this world that scares me is that I’ll never feel that safe ever again.
— (via staree) (via one-toughcookie)
today made me realise that it's really hard to find guys like peter or david whom i can pour everything out to/tell everything to. ><
you can have loads of friends, you can be close to a few, but there's only those minority whom you really trust and can really depend on for anything, those whom you can pour your heart and soul and woe to, and trust them to not tell anything.
it's only those few whom would make you feel secure when you're with them, give you a sense of security, never letting you fear no matter what happens. cause you know you'll always have them.
thanks for taking my insecurities away. (: loves!
today's been very eventful, with shengjie's message hyping me up in the morning (LOL!), brudders and sista (:DDDD) during the teachers' day celebrations, and then going back to ny with kexin and talk with qianwen, and then lan with huge masses of people lol. shall blog more about it tmr.
right now, chiong homework. study chem equilibrium and finish up WR tmr.
Too often, we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
— Unknown (via runawaytrain)
too often, we take those by our sides for granted.
Do as little harm to others as you can; make any sacrifice for your true friends; be responsible for yourself and ask nothing of others; and grab all the fun you can. Don’t give much thought to yesterday, don’t worry about tomorrow, live in the moment, and trust that your existence has meaning even when the world seems to be all blind chance and chaos. When life lands a hammer blow in your face, do your best to respond to the hammer as if it had been a cream pie. Sometimes black humor is the only kind we can summon, but even dark laughter can sustain.
if you could replay everything again the moments you've had with your loved ones, your friends, your family- every single moment, sweet or bitter, would you?
-----
Go for someone who makes you smile because it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.
past few days (thursday, friday and today) have been rather, well, reflective?
thursday was rather okay, nothing much exciting hahaa. morning assembly was cancelled. ._. kinda lame, since the band was already READY and set up for national anthem (after learning from the wednesday's mistake) and then ken yeow came over to tell us that there was no national anthem. ._. siannnn diaoooooo. then the band just started playing randomly hahahah. e-hui came over to the inner plaza! :DDD then talked about stuffs hahah. thanks loads, we really have to htht sometime. >< oh then jia chen passed me his very very long farewell letter (after so long) hahahah! thankss! happy happy. :DDDDDD
math remedial after school, then went down to mug with brudders and jasmine. uhhh abit fail cause sijie came over awhile later and asked us if we wanted to go central plaza to flick. cause some other random people were flicking in the central plaza, newbies cause they werent from ultimate, so sijie wanted to go over to flick to show them what it really was. ._. tempted us, so yongquan, ian and sijie ended up flicking in the central plaza. i did some of econs essay, then they stopped flicking in the central plaza and came over to the class benches instead. ian and shengjie started flicking at the class wing after jax finished his chem, which sucessfully distracted jasmine, e-hui and me. went over to flick with them :DDD yayyy felt quite happy flicking HAHA. cause ian was being retarded. and something happened with elfred toh getting self-owned LOL but nvm hahah. brudder ian couldnt stop laughing lahhhh. tsk man EVILLL. heh.
went back to do some more work then yongquan asked ian (the pro) some tyco math question, and then the three of them (yongquan, ian and shengjie) mulled over it for a pretty long time. saw liang sai a moment later, and then he offered to help solve the math question for my newsweek in return. ._. lame. spent an hour or so pouring over the math question, >< roarrrr math. but they managed to solve it in the end.
went home with ian, shengjie and yongquan brudders after that. was rather late so yongquan was at it with his ghost stories again ._. in the bus ian and shengjie just kept guailan-ing each other, hahah was darn hilarious lahhh.
went for dental early in the morning on friday, debonded, but not exactly happy with it. D: so yea..
went back to school, which was pretty much okay. tried to do yongquan's card during math and econs tutorial, then met brudder shengjie and asked him to pass the card around the 69 frisbee peeps to write during math lecture.
break was spent looking for random frisbee people around to help write card. then went to flick with jiajie, melvin, kevin and henry for a bit. then sijie joined in and all of us zi bei liao hahaha. sijie so zai! zzzzzzz.
went for ct, then after ct rushed out to get more people to write the card, then went for chem remedial. quite productive hahaha, then chiong down to watch pick-ups.
i didnt realise then that it was the last match we would be playing with our beloved seniors, since they'd leave for study break next week. >< oh man. talked with e-hui hahah. sort of htht again. made me realise alot of stuff >< watched teammates flick around, and ahhh. the feeling just came back to me ._. serenity, yet i feel adrenaline and anxiety. conflicting, yet, a tad bit wonderful and nostalgic at the same time.
did get to flick around with brudder shengjie for a bit. trained hammers. haha happily, i did manage to throw a rather okay hammer before i flew off to find david, and then we went to the audi to watch soultimate together. hahaha.
sort of exchanged secrets again. i miss those old days. and it somehow made me miss peter even more. heh. performances were rather great. :DDD haha especially the bhangra dance hahahah omg made me crack up like siao. so many sijies dancing on stage, but omg zai, they can break. then the stunts were like woahhhh. siaoooo. hhahah.
left early to find people at serene macs hahah. omg i was damn grateful for brudders plus weijie to wait for me oh mannnn. sorry sorry sorry, because of me you guys went home damn late >< haha but then after i bought my dinner from the counter, brudders shengjie, ian and jiaming started to bully me ._.
zzzzzz okay lah quite hilarious, cause stupid jiaming was snatching my wallet to see my ez-link card, then omg the other two brudders werent helping. then they stole my drink when i wasnt looking cause i was seeing if zhiyang was okay (cause he had muscle cramp in his calf). then after that, ian and jiaming were both taking turns to snap and burst my straw so that i couldnt drink from it. ZZZZZ. went to take a new one and they burst it once again. SIAN DIAOOOO. then jiaming sucessfully stole a glance at my ez-link card and wl just started niaoinggggg. oh but his picture isnt any better HAHAH. shengjie and ian both look damn cute when they were young lahhhh! :D but now... haiz. then now so shuai. AYEEEE. hahaha.
haha being the "joke" or rather "entertainment" or just the item for niaoing made me miss zoo again. haha remembered the times where peter koh would niao me like siaooooo. until i really go crazy and give up retaliating. LOL. then sok, liuyi and ky wouldnt be helping, cause sok and liuyi will just laugh at me getting niaoed at by peter, and ky would just add cold jokes to the humour LOL. oh mannnn. nostalgia. ><
was supposed to go home with brudder yongquan, ian and shengjie but then ma called to say they would pick me up from school ZZZZZ. so i took bus back to school ._. wts lah.
went to school to mug in the morning, saw loads of people haha. was really unproductive cause i was just super sian diao. didnt want to do anything at all. coincidentally i met kexin, cause her class (xinyu and nelson's class) was having remedial. then after eons we finally got to talk! :D
talking to her made me realised how much has happened. she used to tell me stuffs, her problems, happenings, but today made me realised how much has changed. there has been a change of heart, a change of soul, an ending, and probably a new beginning, (if she permits i guess). time has flown, much has happened, where do we go from here?
and then her happenings made me realised some stuffs cannot be achieved. no matter how strong we are, how much we want it, or how much we believe in it, ultimately, we might still have to bow down to fate. (if you believe in fate anyway.) okay im not making sense here. ><
and her situation made me realise how much better off i actually i am i guess. so why the hell am i still confused about everything, feeling so insecure or unsure?
david came later, then we just talked and did chem together lol. he slept for awhile while i continued doing chem, then woke up, did physics and then left lol.
hmmm it's the company that mattered i guess haha. XD on the way out of school we just kept niaoing each other about stuffs lah. haha hilariousss. luckily peter wasnt there to team up with him, if not i seriously gg liao. just beng kui and DIE.
------
"yes, live life the way you want it to be and heck the rest. but how easy is it? how often do people get to live life the way they want it? life isn't all that smooth-sailing as i'm living now obviously. it's quite scary really, when u think, all of a sudden, 18 years has passed. and maybe soon, another 18 will be gone. sooner or later i'll be at some old age waiting to die. would i have enjoyed life enough? honestly i think i'll be wanting to live longer. but what can i do at 100 years old if i even reach there lol. probably can't even hold up a 175g disc, much less play frisbee -.- it'd be good enough if i can still use a comp and blog like i am. and best is my wife would still be around so i wont be that lonely. but if i'm 100, my kids would be AT LEAST 60 yrs old anyway. they'd be stuck at home withering away like me too HAHA. 40 years of withering oh my."
life isnt just about from the cradle to the grave. we just dont look at life and see it from the time when we are born, to the time of our deaths.
what makes life life is probably the things we've went through, or would go through, alongside with our loved ones, soulmates or partners. the smallest things that made us smile or feel joyful, the memories that made us appreciate life.
what defines our life, is probably the beauty of life itself. and if you seek, you will find the beauty.
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You can never really know someone completely. That’s why it’s the most terrifying thing in the world, really — taking someone on faith, hoping they’ll take you on faith too. It’s such a precarious balance, it’s a wonder we do it at all. And yet….
haha why is this so true. i trusted you. now when i think back, i see that i've been stupid and naive all along. i was probably a replacement, something temporary. never permanent. i was nothing, nothing at all.
dont worry. time will pass, people forget. i think i already cease to exist.
it's been long since i last talked to peter, it's been longer since i last saw him. still remember, peter, david and i would meet up on weekends to mug together hahaha. and peter would be the whole life of our meetings, cause he's totally our entertainment/joke hahaha. no offense peter kohh! we love you. :D
so that explains why im quite happy i managed to talk to him just now over msn (like just just). :DDD miss him loads. >< cheered me up for abit. but ayeee nothing seems to work for cheering me up today :/ im just moody.
so much has changed. people have changed, our hearts have changed. for me, my behaviour and way of thinking has changed. no longer the shy, girly and uncertain me hahaha, even though im still pretty much confused and uncertain now.
† Petar! says: lol. you so (fe)male [hcband <3 siew] says: i know im guy. my brudders just said im guy today lah okay happy liaooo ._.
this is when you really wished you had the power to stop time, and then just take your own time to really take in and appreciate every little thing that you have now. the people around you, the things they've done, the little things that we went through together, the laughter and fun we had.
† Petar! says: haha i wanna go out . with you. long time never alr. and one line! (david)
"i saw you all just now cos the bus i took had a pi bond with a car. then the car's rear view mirror came off, so the car now become bai kar." -oli
oh nelson showed me this and WOAHHH it's darn cool.
NEAT! :DDD
------ there's alot on my mind. >< need to clear them before i can concentrate on pw.
am i the only one that doesnt see gender discrimination? why is it that even my parents and grandparents have to force the whole female stereotype thingy on me. why is it that girls cant do what guys can. why must females necessarily be the weaker ones.
kinda sickening when people view you as what you're supposed to be, when you're not. and then they get all surprised or even upset when you're not what they supposed you to be. -------
school today was rather eventful, though the day started kinda badly.
morning was spent celebrating jinqing's birthday first haha. xinyu, iris, jiawen e-hui and i all went to sing her a very loud happy birthday song lol. then went into bandroom to see band people slacking around, cause we all thought there wasnt any national anthem cause it was raining. saw weiqi's birthday present, which was a penguin in an igloo, which tianhui mistook for a tortoise LOL.
then the first bell rang and we were still laxing inside bandroom, joking around, until yaze came into the room saying that there wasnt any rain bell, which meant we had to play national anthem. then everyone in band room stun diao for a few moments, then immediately rushed out to grab people to play for national anthem, or grab mouthpiece LOL. the scene was quite hilarious, everything was in a flurry and everyone was just going "OMG OMG OMG WHAT THERE'S NATIONAL ANTHEM?"
zongxian: "this is to testing how long the band takes to set up LOL." haha it was really pretty hilarious to see everyone panicking and running about with scores and stands and their instrus, then jiajie didnt turn up and we were like HUH OMG NO BASS? but fortunately he turned up hahaha.
national anthem was still quite sucessful, though edwin claimed that he hasnt recovered from the shock after national anthem LOL.
break was spent doing bits of econs essay, lunching with e-hui and then disturbing brudder yongquan hahahah. :D
then shengjie crashed my chem lecture, which made lecture much more fun, on top of the fact that mrs lee was lecturing our LT! :DDD oh but he now knows my secret. ><
survived through gp, bio was okay, then went to lunch with junning, elaine and kristie before kristie, junning, jingxi and i went up to do pw. tried to do the video but failed, but was rather productive with our WR. :DDD yayy.
ended pw at around 5, met david, talked, met brudders after their physics lecture. hahaha chongwei scammed me. ._. ayee. then went to flick! :DDDD finally. but roarrrr my hucks suckk nowwwww D: saddd. lack of practice, or i just plain suck.
the guys then played frisbee soccer haha. wl just having yongquan, ian and shengjie on a team is zai3 enough. the 3 of them all so zai3! unbeatable. they just kept scoring lahhh hahaha.
then jasmine joined me after a while, then went home with oli, jasmine, ian and shengjie. hahah shengjie, ian and i took bus home together again. had much fun talking about some stuffs. :D
today was rather mentally and emotionally tired. was half stoning on the bus lah >< until oli sent ian that lame sms and the 3 of us burst out laughing like siao on the busss hahaha darn hilarious lahhh wts. ._.
even after today, only one person will know the full story. and he knows who he is. (:
-------- i realised i'll never be the one. im not good enough. i'll never be good enough. not now, not in the future, never.
to you, im always nothing. my existence never mattered.
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edit:
oh thanks nelson for cheering me up slightly with the cool vid. :D
roarrrrr i think i really think too much. im just getting myself more and more confused. D:
even if i fail, i realised, at the end of the day, they really mattered to me. so others before self, others before self.
sunday night was spent mugging econs with brudder oli over msn till 2.30-3.00 am in the morning. went i went off to bed, he was still mugging, and jiajie, who was also online, said he wasnt going to sleep at all.
i still screwed up econs, despite having already prepared myself sort of sufficiently, since i knew what to write. but then my hand couldnt write fast enough ._. win. after econs test was p.e., which was mass dance ._. okay was quite sian about it at first, but then the girls like siying, yiling, bih, phuong, uyen, szemin started to zi-high and laugh like siao over nothing so i started to zihigh with nat also hahaha. okay quite dumb.
tried to crash chem lecture with brudders after break but failed. oh we played frisbee soccer during break hahaha. damn fun but very tired >< cause the night before sleep for 3 hours ._. hahaha. was nodding off during econs, and chionged bio during break. then bio was quite tiring also >< zzzzz.
got realised half an hour early from bio cause she knew we had math test the next day. met up with david then studied vectors and bombarded him with questions (lol sorry david ><) while he tried to work through his integration hahaha. then brudders like oli, ian, shengjie, jiaming, jiajie were all at the 69 class bench discussing math so "enthusiatically" lol hahah.
after david left at around 5, i shifted to join brudders and jasmine mugging. yongquan and jiajie were like flicking lah lol. bothered shengjie and ian quite alot for math (im so sorry! ><) cause i really died doing vectors, then i cannot do integration somemore, more gg. ._. lol. thanks shengjie and ian alot for teaching me, especially jax hahah for all his patience with teaching meeeeeee the dumb. >< thanks thanks.
mugged math in school with yongquan, ian, shengjie and jasmine until quite late, it was only 8 when we left school hahah. zai brudder ian spent the whole day lazing around, too zai no need to study le. ._. while jasmine, jax and i were racking our brains on how to solve our math, he was walking around, flicking with himself, doing random and stupid stuffs like drawing pen logos on shengjie brudder's paper when jax was trying to teach me integration lol. then he still said stuff like "aiyooo so boredd." ZZZZZZ. zai lah hahahaha.
was damn tired when i reached home, just ate, bathe and slept. didnt even study at all, which explains why i cant do the integration question at all today ._.
so i screwed up math today, rushed out econs during break again. but at least it left me time to walk over to see brudders hahaha. stupid ian! keep niaoing us by saying stuff like "haiya i never study math, today fail liao lahhh." ZZZZZZ wl. haha. oli best lah. stayed up until 5am to mug math, so technically he slept 4 hours for 2 days. ._. how he tahan lah.
did pw after school. then went down to meet brudders and jasmine, who were mugging math zomg. found jiaming, weijie, melvin, jasmine, shengjie and yongquan, who were all doing tutorial 7A lah. i gg liao. need to muggg!
then they went to flick abit. weijie folded this damn cool paper aeroplane which could actually fly/float for quite long! O.O then jasmine, jiaming, weijie and zhiyang left, while yongquan, jax, melvin and jonny went to flick at central plaza. joined in abit, while i wasnt supposed to. >< met david. then brudders and i left for home at around 6.05 hahah.
on the bus ride home, yongquan was being the bad brudder scaring me with ghost stories! (well okay lah i wanted to hear them ._.) then shengjie was being the good brudder trying to get me to dao him and just not listen to his nonsense hahaha. ayeee.
okay actually there's alot to blog about, but then there's still pw waiting for me to do, and i still wanna do chem tutorial/study bio tonight ><
------
mugging with david on saturday in school made me miss peter.
PETER KOH/ PETER PENQUIN! :DDDDD
i doubt you see this but HAIYA I MISS YOU. D:
on monday liuyi, ky, sok, peter and i met up at hc busstop. ky & liuyi gave me a little tour around SALT center (HAHAHA) then 5 of us headed over to 6th avenue coffee shop for breakfast.
quotes of the day: -liuyi gets agitated and bangs on the table- ky: -points at liuyi- "SHE BANGS" -liuyi starts laughing- peter: "SHE MOVES. lol."
ky: -points to cold storage- "that's where i get all my jokes from."
quotes liuyi: -picks up purple sweet- "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PURPLEEEEEEEEEEEE! :D" -cue for peter to crack up.- haha.
and omg i had to dig another hole yesterday cause i totally acted like a small kid saying: "OMG AFTER EIGHT! I WANT!" -jumps up and down with the damn kiddy voice- and peter getting appalled by my actions. D:
now i've got 4 holes. D:
i think we spent like an hour or so in candy empire acting like overgrown kids. in the end we got 5 gummi snakes. hahahah.
oh yea. peter was trying to get the gummies for us and ky was at the side like: "I WANT THE BLUE COLOUR ONE. :D" peter: -picks one- "this one?" ky: "why got yellow colour one?! D:" peter: "what blue colour one! all got colour what! they're all rainbow!" and liuyi was like: "EH GIVE ME ONE WITHOUT ORANGE COLOUR IN IT. orange things do not taste nice." hahahaha.
i miss this.
times change, people change but memories dont. memories are kept in your heart, to be relieved by your soul time to time again.
need to clear some stuff here before i start on vectors (and it's 10.30 noww D:)
today was rather eventful, so: -mugging with david. -mugging with brudders + jasmine. -jax and ian! -friendships (david peter ___ ) -jasmine's problem, in relation to mine. -life.
i shall write about the friendship probem fallacy thingy in her journal. die she wants it tmr ._. and i'll ramble alot lah. let's just hope she doesnt use it against me.
i think bathing is bad. everytime i bathe, i spend half the time in the bathroom thinking, which for today, resulted in me coming up with the whole friendship fallacy.
i think too much for my own good. now i should be thinking vectors.
yesterday was spent mugging vectors in school in the morning with david. he came from like 10 to 12, taught me how to do tutorial 6D while he did his physics happily (i stress, HAPPILY). then he pangsehed me to go somewhere else hahah.
then from no where, brudder shengjie appeared! and hahaha we started mugging together. lol. then alot of bboys appeared. came to kajiao brudder again LOL. then xining and cindy attempted to drag me to OG outing but i refused, cause undoubtly, im going to fail math terribly again, how can i still go out. -.- so yea, they left me feeling very guilty (and i must stress "FEELING VERY GUILTY" okay. thanks arh xining.) and brudder and i continued to mug until around 7 before we went home together.
quite productive, but i ended up baking at night, so i sort of wasted my night away.
slept in today, slogged around again, tried memorising econs but failed. cousin came over to help me with math in the afternoon, then econs haha. then after that i slogged around somemore. until erm now.
im so going to die tmr. there's still bio to complete, and the journal thingy to write. i shall totally use the journal to express the artsy side of me lah. i used it wrongly the last time roarr. (i doubt any of you get what i mean here but nvm)
You say you gotta go and find yourself You say that you're becoming someone else Don't recognize the face in the mirror Looking back at you
You say you're leaving as you look away I know theres really nothing left to say Just know i'm here Whenever you need me I'll wait for you
So i'll let you go I'll set you free And when you see what you need to see When you find you come back to me
Take your time i wont go anywhere Picture you with the wind in your hair I'll keep your things right where you left them I'll be here for you
Oh and i'll let you go I'll set you free And when you see what you need to see When you find you come back to me
And i hope you find everything that you need I'll be right here waiting to see You find you come back to me
I can't get close if your not there I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear I can't fix you i can't save you Its something you have to do
So i'll let you go I'll set you free And when you see what you need to see When you find you come back to me Come back to me So i'll let you go I'll set you free And when you see what you need to see When you find you come back to me
And i hope you find everything that you need I'll be right here waiting to see You find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me When you find you come back to me When you find you come back to me
im still holding onto you. it's so hard to let go.
because the ones whom i've let go are now lost, gone forever, never to return to the old days where we would just act like little kids and laugh our heads off at nothing, roll on the floor and do nothing, or just enjoy each other's presence and warmth in silence. memories are what's left of us. what are we now? where are we now?
this is why i cant let go. this is why i treasure each and everyone whom i still have so much more.
i still hope. maybe one day we'll be able to turn back time. maybe then we could change everything.
------
on a lighter note:
HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY BRUDDER SHENG JIE HAHAHAHAHA.
this is probably the upteenth time i've wished him, but hey! this is what friends are for right. hope you had a great dayyyy, though it was a pretty long one hhaha. :D treasure every moment cause you dont stay 17 forever. :D LOVES!
in my darkest times i dont see you anymore ironically
which one of us let go?
as each day goes by we're just drifting apart
世界没有变 是人的心变了
it's called a change of heart.
--------
past few days have been rather painful, though studying with brudders plus sista plus jasmine and any other teammate around was really comforting. haha loves.
ian helped me with organic chem on monday, after a day full of !#$%#, seriously. thanks shengjie brudder, jasmine, and e-hui for being there. omg sorry i broke down. -.- i shouldnt have ><
stayed back after school to mug again yesterday with shengjie, jasmine and e-hui, and was quite effective. did vectors lol. thanks shengjie for teaching me chem spa for ONE HOUR omg. which resulted in us only going home at like 7-8 lol. my good brudder. :D hahahaha. thanksssss i owe you loads.
stayed back in school again today with weijie, yongquan, ian, sijie, shengjie, jas, marcus, zhiyang to mug. finished econs essay lol. but i took darn long to do it. then watched people flick. then went home with brudders ian and shengjie again. :D
i think too much for my own good. i think. ._.
sorry in advance if my mood fluctuates a hell lot this week and i piss anyone of you off. i had a very very very bad start for the week, and it's really hard to get over it.
even now, it's hard to find the strength to carry on.
graaaaahhhhh the next few weeks are going to be crazy. PW study homework PW study homework PW study homework.... the cycle never ends.
press on press on. starting tmr (uh actually in 6 more hours), it'll be PW trial. PW's driving me up the wall actually. okay fine, not really there yet, but urgh. D: pw demoralises me D: i feel so incompetent when i do pw, and the best thing is, my house doesnt provides the necessary stuff i need.
e.g. printing wl! D< my printer just died on me and i couldnt print my pw trial materials lah. almost died please until junning and kristie thought of other solutions to it. and my com keeps hanging on me. everytime i open IE, my com commits suicide. win.
went to school to mug today, but was quite fail cause i was mugging alone. which means i was unmotivated. which means i just go school and sleep lah wl. only finished organic chem tutorial and chem equilibrium. still got bio tutorial, econs tutorial, econs essay and MATHHHH OMG. please clear mathh there's a math test next week. D:
okay so i shall go off and finish one bio essay question before i hit the bed. tmr i'll be a walking zombie again. hope i dont screw up the trial.
thursday after laxing around at the laxing spots (LOL) and jiaming brother pestering us to go home. jax offered me clorets, then he took some himself.
then suddenly he started to point to the ground and cry like kid. me: O.O "shengjie what happened?" jax: "糖果掉了. D:" me: "huh?" jax: -points to the floor and continues acting like a kid.- "我的糖果掉了！" T.T
zzzz omg. go sit on the floor, draw circles and emo lah! LOL. hilarious.
then when yongquan, ian, shengjie and i were finally on the bus. then jax was showing off to me how good his chem spa is. zai lah. 20.5/24. ZAII.
shengjie: "no lah like that wheregot zai. ____ got 24/30 for chem lecture test leh." me: o.O shengjie: "then people like danette still think they taking psle. her chem lecture test 27/30. zzzzz" me: "wah siaooo. okay your class people very zai. your class GIRLS very zai." ian: "yea, your class girls very - zai." me: "your class girlS? i thought you would say 'your class GIRL very zai' hahah." ian: "no lah, your class GIRLS all very zai." shengjie: "your girlfriend very zai lah!" yongquan: "eh later you'all wannna go macs eat hamburGER(GIRL) or not?" ian & jax: zzzzz
LOL hahah yongquan always never fails to make our bus rides home freezing cold LOL. HAHA.
today had pick-ups after school. went down the to the JC field after chem remedial only to find like half the batch down there playing lah. even people like tess and nicholas were there! :DDD
managed to play abit, SHENGJIE WAS SUPER ZAII (SUPERMAN LIAO LAH.) hahahaha. the nicest Ds, skies, and jumps were all from him LOLLLL. zaiiiii. then i did managed to D e-hui, play abit as a handler, which sucked if shengjie (once again) didnt save my ugly outside-in, and if melvin didnt save my "nicholas dump" omggg. D: cant believe i did that lah D: panicked. so thanks melvin an brudder for saving me.
i miss 2 left hand passes from ian. -.- like omgggg sorry ian! D: then passed a really ugly left hand pass to melvin, who saved me AGAIN. omg darn sucky lah. ><
trained left hand passes with e-hui and oli after that, and oli's passes from BOTH HANDS are like super nice. zaiii.
went off to grand's place for dinner, something happened which pissed me off quite abit, considering my mood wasnt great today to start wih (besides when i was playing frisbee). roarrr.
----
family.
what does it mean?
sometimes i really ask myself WHYYY. why the hell do i bother to make myself try to convince them over and over and over again, just to find their responses cutting deeper and deeper into my heart. they will never see how much it means to me, why the hell do i bother? i should just do whatever i want, and dao them.
but they're family.
i cant go on doing something i love, and still enjoy doing it without any guilt, or fear or even sadness. because they're family, and their support and recognition means so much to me.
but they will never see it why do i even bother?
i really wanted to give up. but posting the fun memories i had of yester days with my friends, i realised why i havent given up yet. and because of them, i shouldnt.
band farewells always make me cry. after every generation of seniors, each younger batch of seniors whom im closer to leaves, i always go home and cry.
sounds like some loser, but yea, these things always leave me affected.
this year's band farewell on saturday was abit different i guess. no tears were shed, but guilt was felt instead.
i've gave so much to frisbee, neglected band, neglected the people, neglected the music. i havent given enough. i should have given more. maybe then i would have made more memories with my seniors.
i must say im really blessed. :D i have a lovely section.
taken at our restaurant table without lester, cause he was late. ><
being the only rose among the thorns (LOL, metaphorically), im pretty well taken care of. hahaha. and the times we had together, them helping me with everything, even though they as tubist had their own big and heavy tuba to carry.
i remember the SYF period, when i would go for friday band pracs after frisbee training all sweaty and hyped up, then i'll zi-high to jiachen, who sort of knows how i feel, seeing that he's in rugby and council too hahaha. then he'll laugh at me for all my stupid actions, silly words an stupid mistakes i'd make in band lol.
i rememeber every morning's assembly, playing national anthem with them, jeremy would talk to me about random stuffs, jiachen would ask about training once again (hahaha) and lester wold crack lame jokes from nowhere. i'd tell jiachen how i screw up every training, or how i'd finally gotten the hang of the set play, or how i managed to touch the disc during matches LOL.
i remember them helping me carry the scores during our SYF, playing next to jia chen on stage, playing next to xiaoen the bass clarinetist on stage, which was of great comfort to me, cause playing your part alone was terrifying. i remember how xiaoen and i used to look at each other in the eye before playing the bass solo, hoping that we'd be in tune, praying that everything would go al right. i remember playing my heart out to the "hymm to the sun" next to jiachen and xiaoen during SYF, and then again next to jeremy, lester and jiajie during arts fest.
i remember jiajie and lester reading manga during band prac, jia chen and i doing stupid things during band prac, my malu-ing myself and him laughing at me. i remember laughing at xiaoen or junjie, xiangjing, or liangsai, or luther, or edwin and lionel and the flutes for niaoing leng during band prac.
i'll remember the letters yaze my dear angel wrote to me in band, nomatter how entertaining they were, and jonathan, who was both my angel and mortal cause of coincidence or affinity? hahaha. thanks for all the wonderful letters and gifts. :D
and oh i have 3 identical carebears now. all the sunshine yellow one LOL. somehow people seem to think that i like yellow.
looking back, it's a pity we had such a short time together, or it was my fault that i didnt appreciate their company. i wished i could have known them more, made many more better memories to take away and keep.
and i realised frisbee seriously makes me guyish. im like so feminine in band lah please! :D LOL. okay random.
and of course, i'll miss all the nanyang band seniors like CHAI LALA, MELLISSA, NUTCASE, went through 2 SYFs, 5 years of band together, creating and making music, playing with our heart and souls. music was what kept us together.
wednesday and thursday were days filled with laughter and joy cause of teammates, or else i didnt think i'd pull through. was emoing after bio aa on wed, found ian, jax and weijie, who totally made my day. hahaah. we sat at our "laxing spot", watched jax and ian fight over their laxing spot, which was the lamppost LOL, watched jax have emotional rollar coasters by getting high and then emoing by drawing circles on the ground HAAHA. super hilarious lahhhh. totally cheered me up. :DDD thanks!
oli and chongwei (99! :D) came to join us afterwards,had fun sitting around laxing and just doing nothing. the company was all that mattered. :D
went island creamery with e-hui, jasmine, jiawen, nelson, ian, weijie, yongquan, nicholas, oli, jax & jiaming after much fun flicking in school hahahah. :DDD then we decided to swap bags! i carried captain toh's bag hahha cause nelson's crumpler was too huge, even for shengjie!
jiaming became a tortoise carrying jax's bag, ian became a nerd carrying weije's bag, and weijie became a gangsta/runaway kid carrying ian's bag HAH. nelson was the most epic, carrying jiawen's bag, he became too bright LOL.
went to macs instead cause island creamery was too crowded, so e-hui, nelson and i ta-paoed from island creamery next door haha. had so much fun niaoing shengjie, cause we all know brudder's nice and he wouldnt mind LOL. but the fun was jiaming taking all the niaoing and sort of turning them into self-frags cause he was carrying jax's bag LOL. hilarious lah.
oh and we found out about GRA. HAHAHAH. omg super funny.
now everytime i see nelson, or when he sees jax, he goes GRAAAAAAA and i double up with laughter. seriously lah! darn hilarious. the guy with 13 others. (or has the number increased?) -is reminded of the photo's tags- ahhhh omg brudder dont come after me. ><
went home with jiawen, yongquan, ian and jax after that. wl, you put ian and jax together, their retardedness becomes pure entertainment lah. i still jiawen's imba niao. "i know why you like this photo, cause all 12 of yours are in it, except for GRA." HAHAHAHAH total ownage please! :D
thurs was spent flicking after school again, more productive since jax the pro came to teach jasmine and i how to hammer properly. :D still havent really got the hang of it, but im sure with brudder's imba coaching, i'll get there soon enough hahahaha. :DD
friday's national day celebrations was quite fei4. J1s celebrated in the hall, and i got high with kexin and nelson's class. nelson spent the whole time beating me at my phone games lah. -.- pro. phuong looked really pretty in her malay dance costume! and ky did quite a good job in hyping up the hall. hhaha. nice movements too! :D
after celebrations, we played a little 5 vs 5 soccer/frisbee in the field LOL hhaha. must say i kept screwing up. D: and sijie and jx kept giving me chances somemore. D: ayeee.
went to ps with nelson and e-hui after that, makaned, talked, and then nelson left cause he was darn tired, e-hui followed me to made with love to shop for card materials for band farewell. and then became my atm because i was broke. D: omg sorrryyyy! ><
after that, wanted to go back to lan with brudders cause it was still early, but jax messaged to say they left liao, so bo bian, went home to do cards, then slept omg. tired.
shall blog about band farewell and failed lan (yet again) the next time. i feel like tmr's going to be another bad day.
Viel zu viel Liebe an der Musik
Viel zu viele Grenzen unbesiegt
So viele Gedanken
und Wörter nicht beendet
Ich glaub nicht das das bald endet
Wir bleiben immer
schreiben uns in die Ewigkeit
Ich weiß das immer
irgendwo was bleibt
Wir fühlen
wir sind fürs Ende nicht bereit Wir sterben niemals aus
Ihr tragt uns bis in alle Zeit
this is a slightly fangirly blog of a girl, who loves tokio hotel. komm shon, wir schaffen es zusammen.
♥ das ist mich
siewying (: $2,735,264
Lasallian, Nanyang Girl
Nanyang Concert Band double basses! ♥ HCJC OG 13! ♥ APOLLO!!! :D HC BAND! ♥♥♥ HC Ultimate! ♥♥♥ swimming!
TOKIO HOTEL! :D ♥♥
ich liebe TOM! ♥♥♥
♥ meine wunsch
more As tokio hotel caught on cam dvd! reach 168 D:
drums!
guitarrrrr!
bass! lernen Deutsch! get a job
fly to Europe! stopprocrastinating.
to be a global citizen
